Some people still want traditional gender roles in their homes, and that’s completely fine. The moment it becomes a problem is when that narrative is pushed over someone who doesn’t want to live like that.
Some women prefer to go to work and some enjoy being homemakers. This is largely affected by the way we were raised and how our family dynamic looks, but still everyone’s different.
That’s why it’s important to discuss this with our partner and make sure our ideas of family roles completely align. Because it wouldn’t be quite fair to expect a woman to be a homemaker when you’re not a breadwinner, right?
But what happens when a man raised in a traditional family marries a woman who embraces modern gender roles?
They found a common ground that works for both
A woman posted her story on Reddit and explained how she married a man who comes from a traditional background even though her family is completely different. She wrote:
“My husband worked hard to unlearn the values he saw replicated at home. He (often more than) pulled his weight at home, was an engaged and present father and a genuine partner.”
She explains how they had a nanny when the kids were small and a housekeeper who would take care of their home. When the housekeeper isn’t available everyone takes care of their own mess and no one has a problem with it.
However, since her husband lost his job and savings they weren’t able to afford the help they usually had so they divided the workload equally. Every day she takes care of breakfast and he prepares dinner. This worked out perfectly until his family came for a visit.
A visit from in-laws changed everything
Her in-laws never liked the fact their son doesn’t have a traditional family and they made sure to make that clear multiple times. However, they crossed the boundary when they recently visited and started a discussion.
The woman came home from work tired and wanted to set up everything for dinner just to find out her husband didn’t prepare anything. When she asked him about it he sat quietly while his mother said cooking is something she should do.
Oh, this would piss me off, she handled that better than I would do by simply walking away and ordering takeaway for everyone. When they sat down to eat, her mother-in-law began her rant:
“My MIL was still going on about what was wrong with me and why I was a failure. I asked my husband if he had anything to say. He said his mother had a point and it wouldn’t hurt if I acted ‘more like a proper woman’ and ‘took better care of my home and children’. He said tradition was tradition for a reason and it was kind of insulting that I thought I was too good for how he was raised.”
Imagine you hear that and your husband doesn’t do anything about it! While he was supposed to defend his wife, he only added oil to the fire. Looks like his mother completely brainwashed him!
This upset his wife for a good reason so she went completely off:
“This is where I might be the a**hole. I told him tradition won’t allow a man on 35k to support a family of 5 and he was too broke to be so sexist. He looked hurt and I saw tears welling in his eyes. He excused himself from the table. I regret saying this in front of our children, but him saying that to me after I’m busting my a** to clean up his mess on top of having to deal with his parents was too much for me.”
I mean, she does have a point. Her husband never seemed to have a problem with living the way they were but as soon as his mother came over he changed his opinion. Hmm, I wonder why…
Does it really make sense to expect a woman to be a housewife when you can’t afford to live off a single income?
Traditional families can’t have a wife as the main breadwinner
Reddit users were clearly on the woman’s side supporting what she said to her husband even though it might have sounded harsh. Someone wrote.
“Frankly, he needed to hear it! How can he think you should be MORE OR BETTER with all that you’re already doing? Does he think it’s really a valid option for you to just drop your work and career to be a homemaker, and how does he think that’s gonna go for your family?”
Standing up for yourself is really important. No one wants to hurt their partner but when they cross the line, they should know their place.
Too many times we choose to stay silent to please others but that doesn’t solve the problem. If anything, we only create opportunities for more disrespect by letting everything slide.
She regrets saying that in front of their children but I think their words were far worse. Saying that his income alone can’t support their family isn’t an insult, it’s a reality!
Also, isn’t teaching children that a woman should only be a housewife creating narrow-minded opinions they’ll think are completely fine? As one user wrote:
“So it was fine for him to humiliate you in front of your children? Do you have a daughter that just saw how he allowed his mother to put you down and devalue your contribution? Tonight might have undone all of the hard work that you guys have put into teaching your kids that each partner has equal value.”
Living in that kind of environment can be tough for all sides, including children. Having different opinions and values doesn’t have to be a problem if there’s mutual respect and understanding.
In-laws are sometimes too nosy and want to be a part of discussions that don’t have anything to do with them. So, set your boundaries straight, and don’t let anyone put their fingers in your marriage!