Love can make us…well, stupid. And you know I’m right!
Every time I fall in love with someone it’s like I instantly forget everything about myself and my brain takes a vacation. I no longer think about what I want and shift my whole energy to them, making sure they’re happy and satisfied.
Don’t even say anything, I know how bad this is.
That’s why I started following Matthew Hussey (@thematthewhussey) on TikTok. Now you’re probably wondering who’s that and why should you care.
Well, if you haven’t heard of him, you’re missing out on so much good advice on dating and relationships. He’s a dating coach with over 3 million followers and definitely knows what he’s talking about.
In one TikTok he explains why liking someone is the most dangerous part of a relationship and we all need to hear this!
The truth about falling in love
Have you ever wondered why falling in love makes even the toughest ones drop their guard down? And while liking someone is a beautiful feeling and there’s nothing wrong with it, forgetting about your values and standards is a dangerous road to go down.
Matthew says that we all have certain expectations and it’s not hard to maintain them around people we don’t like. However, everything changes in another scenario:
“When it comes to someone we really want, that is usually the moment that we drop our standards and lose sight of any boundaries we once had.”
Just think about it. If a guy you were meeting up with already got a minus because he’s a bad texter and then he shows up late, looking all crusty and musty, you wouldn’t think twice about it. It would be an immediate dealbreaker and he would never hear back from you (hopefully).
Buuut, when it comes to some cute guy you like and his red flags, suddenly you’re color blind! It’s like magic, I know!
According to Matthew, by acting this way we only end up hurting ourselves.
Why is losing our boundaries dangerous?
The dating coach wrote in the caption:
“This situation is especially dangerous for people who have a more anxious attachment style and tend to respond to relationship uncertainty by bending over backward to keep someone happy.”
He calls this “fawning”, a moment when we do everything to avoid the chance of losing someone or when we want to impress them. We basically become a doormat just so we don’t end up alone.
Matthew explains this by saying:
“Now, when we have the fawn response, we typically give too much. Certainly, we give more than is earned and is not reciprocal, i.e. we’re giving more than they are. But we also fail to advocate for our needs, to truly speak our mind.”
He further says that giving relentlessly while not getting anything back is really harmful to us. Plus, not asking for what we need or saying how we feel is not much better.
Oh boy, this sounds familiar. There was this guy once that had me completely lose my mind and get those butterflies in my stomach whenever I just thought about him. I tried so hard to keep him around and make him happy.
I wrote love letters to him, surprised him at midnight for his birthday, and basically always been there for him to help him with anything.
He didn’t do even 1% of the things I did for him but I never said anything because I wanted our relationship to last and I genuinely believed something would change.
Needless to say, things didn’t really work out and I just felt I wasted my time and energy on someone who didn’t even care.
But yeah, Matthew said what we all kind of knew at the back of our minds but didn’t want to admit. He is really great at putting it all together in a simple way. Someone wrote:
“It’s true. The moment I felt myself getting attached, it’s like nothing else mattered anymore.”
Another fan commented:
“Ooofff so true. Gives new meaning to the saying, ‘the thought of him/her makes me weak’.”
So what have we learned? Love is a beautiful thing when it doesn’t cost you your well-being. We all want that perfect love story but as Matthew Hussey says, bending over backwards to please someone can only lead to resentment and disappointment.
But no worries! It doesn’t have to be this way. Just stay aware of your boundaries even when falling for someone and don’t forget your standards!
Check out his whole YouTube video for more useful tips!