I came home after a horrible day at work. A huge conflict with my manager kept me tense for hours and I could feel the steam coming out of my ears. I was hoping to throw up and release all the rage that was inside of me.
Then I saw him peacefully watching TV on the couch and became even more irritated. I spitted out some poisonous comments about him not ever loading the dishwasher or helping me in any way around the house.
He didn’t say a word, just took his jacket and went out. Later he confessed he had a one-night stand with some random woman he met at the bar.
I must say our relationship was not at its best for some time. We became estranged and had quarrels very often.
Now it was time for one serious talk as I didn’t want to lose him. One Saturday morning we talked for hours and then I became aware how we accidentally push men away without even realizing it.
To help you avoid making the same mistakes I’ll share what I was doing unconsciously that made my man disconnected and distant. So make sure to take notes if you want to keep your relationship strong and healthy.
1. I forgot about the importance of self-care
I was not aware of how my stress and negative vibes got passed onto him and our relationship.
If you’re under stress you get easily irritated and that can produce more conflicts in your relationship. When you’re okay everything around you becomes okay. Take time for yourself and work on your inner peace and happiness.
Don’t ever underestimate the power of self-care! It can have an unbelievable impact and change your relationship dynamics.
Make sure to prioritize your well-being and then you’ll be able to love and give love in a healthy way.
2. I compared him to others
I would often remind him that his coworker earns more than him because he’s more competent than my SO.
If you keep comparing him to other men, for instance, your sister’s boyfriend or your best friend’s fiance he will get the feeling of inadequacy. That is a BIG NO.
Accept him for who he is, make him feel valued for his unique qualities and that will make your relationship a comfortable place to be in.
3. I was a control freak
I insisted on always knowing where he was, and with whom and couldn’t stand him not returning my call right away.
No one likes control freaks and micromanagers. If you behave like this it will create tension in your relationship. Give him space and let him decide for himself.
If you want to maintain a happy relationship you need to respect his autonomy.
4. I was constantly criticizing him
I would criticize him for everything he did, and I was never satisfied with him.
Giving constructive feedback is one thing, constantly criticizing is a completely different thing. If you focus only on his bad sides and habits and keep talking about them he will wonder if you like him at all.
Unknowingly, by doing this you’ll push him to another woman who’ll be able to notice and value his strengths and virtues.
If you focus on what’s good about his personality and lifestyle, you’ll create a more loving and supportive environment.
5. I assumed instead of talking to him
I assumed he was being quiet only because he was tired. Never thought he might be upset with me.
You know the saying “Assumption is the mother of all mistakes”. Well instead of assuming what he thinks or how he feels TALK to him. You’ll be surprised how effective it can be.
Ask him about everything, be interested in life outside of your relationship, and ask him “How was your day at work?”.
Also, make sure you communicate your feelings and tell him if he does something that bothers you. All conflicts should be resolved by talking about what caused them. That way you will be able to better understand each other.
6. I ignored his feelings
I was too self-centered to notice he’s been depressed for weeks. I overheard his discreet calls for help.
You’re not a good listener and you don’t pay attention to how he feels. He feels neglected and then there is this other woman who’s more attentive and caring.
Man needs you to be there for him. Stop whatever you’re doing and listen to what he has to say. Try to understand. Offer comfort. When you’re emotionally close it strengthens your connection.
7. Our relationship lacked intimacy
I guess I was too busy climbing up the corporate ladder that I couldn’t spare some time to ignite the fire in our bedroom.
Physical intimacy is the core of your relationship. You need to keep the flame burning and stay connected emotionally and physically.
If you neglect the physical aspect of your relationship it will make your man start feeling disconnected and look for connection elsewhere.
Make sure to initiate fireworks in your bedroom and give him a lustful glance from time to time.
8. I didn’t let him bloom
I couldn’t accept his wish to go to the gym twice a week. I accused him of using the gym as an excuse to flirt with other women. He said he only wanted to lose his belly fat and that I was being paranoid.
We all evolve over time, that’s natural. So make sure you leave enough space for yourself and him to grow as a person. Sometimes we push our man away because we refuse to accept change. We expect him to stay the same as he was at the beginning.
Let him pursue his aspirations and allow him to grow as a person. Don’t forget you need to grow too. All this will allow your relationship to bloom.
9. I didn’t support him
When I‘m low or in a huge dilemma I seek support. And my partner is the first person to expect support from. But somehow I forgot he also needs my support. It’s all about reciprocity, right?
That’s why your man is so disappointed when you fail to support his decisions or forget to be his rock when he finds himself at a career crossroads.
Believe in him and always celebrate every success he makes. Give him comfort when it seems some parts of his life are crashing down.
Now you understand I’m sure. Would you be with someone if he treated you like this? Of course not! Now sit down and think about your behavior. If you find yourself in any of the listed behaviors, it’s time to recalculate and navigate differently.