We all had cheaters in our lives. I remember thinking: “What did I do to deserve this?” A few times I thought it was my mistake. Maybe I wasn’t there for him when he needed me, maybe I was distant occasionally, maybe this, maybe that…
To tell you the truth, it was never about me!
You can be the most devoted wife or girlfriend and still be cheated on. His own drawbacks are almost always the reason why he’s unfaithful.
If you find your man on this list, you better run girl! Don’t stay, unless you want to be hurt.
1. The Insecure Validation Seeker
He lacks self-esteem and no matter how loving and affectionate you may be, he’ll always need approval and confirmation from the outside. This type of man will cheat only to feel attractive and good about himself. Flirting and sleeping with other women is his form of self-validation.
Also, men who are financially dependent on their spouses, tend to feed their self-confidence by cheating. Affair helps him fill the imaginary gaps in his validation.
My insecure ex was very mysterious, always keeping his phone in his pocket. He would also seem distant and emotionally unavailable at times. I thought he was just introverted, until I realized he’d been sleeping with another woman.
2. The Womanizer
He’s charming and extroverted but at the same has a fragile ego. Serial flirting and seducing women empower him and help him fill the void in his self-image.
Womanizing can be so addictive that it makes him selfish, caring only about his satisfaction. That’s why he never learns to connect with women on a deeper level.
Having power over other women is way more interesting than being committed to his relationship. Also, a long-term relationship doesn’t satisfy his need for novelty.
I’ve dated this type of cheater until I realized he only finds joy in new encounters. After three dates I wasn’t as exciting as a new woman passing by.
3. The Opportunist
He’s cheating for the mere opportunity to feel excited and thrilled when he can’t get caught. Even when in a fulfilling relationship he will just follow this irresistible impulse.
If he’s going for a vacation with his buddies or needs more alone time he might be the opportunist cheater.
I was on a long business trip and got home earlier than planned. Guess what I found in our bedroom?
4. The Frustrated Coward
He’s not getting what he needs and believes he’s been treated badly in the relationship, but doesn’t dare to confront his partner and avoids talking about the problems.
Instead, he finds it easier to have an affair and may even believe that cheating will fix his flawed relationship.
He is scared to leave a woman who isn’t paying attention to him, so he will cheat on her to give her a reason to leave him instead.
I noticed he suddenly stopped fighting and seemed distant. His mind was obviously somewhere else, and he had a new friend. Who later turned out to be not just a friend, but a woman too!
5. The Calculating Narcissist
Self-indulgent narcissist believes he’s more clever and attractive than his girlfriend and that gives him the right to sleep around.
He’s self-obsessed and sees cheating only as an innocent play. If you catch him cheating he’ll show no regret or guilt.
He had that vibe “I’m better than everyone else!” and I can’t tell why I failed to notice it earlier. It was obvious even on our first date.
6. The Control Freak
He always needs to know where you are to make sure he doesn’t bump into you when he is with someone else. He loves to control you, but you will never share information where he’s at.
Cheating gives him a sense of control over his life and helps him feel better if he suspects you may be cheating on him. If he cheats on you first, he’ll win the game.
I got really tired of sharing info about who I am with, what we’re doing, where I go out for drinks, etc. Then one time I lied about my location, and guess what?! I stumbled upon him kissing another woman.
7. The Born Rebel
He doesn’t believe in monogamy, values freedom and regular relationships make him feel “suffocated”. He can’t stay committed and he will cheat out of rebellion.
He might also have “Peter Pan syndrome” and walk through life without responsibilities or a need to settle down. Cheating gives him a sense of freedom.
I always needed to take care of him and remind him of his responsibilities until I got tired and found out he’d been way too close to a girl who he’d been surf coaching.
8. The Lost Soul
This man is not cheating to satisfy his self-centered need but because he doesn’t know who he is and feels lost. Cheating helps him resolve his own identity issues and gives him a sense of belonging.
The pursuit for meaning will take him to another woman’s arms but he will again feel lost. How did I end up here? What was I thinking? Similar questions will flood his mind.
After I caught him cheating he started a long semi-philosophical tirade about life and relationships. I just left.