Oh, I remember how I felt thrilled when I discovered Tinder in 2014. I was so excited to finally start meeting men in such a handy way. Since that day, the history of my dating has split into two eras: before the swipe and after.
Finally, I thought, no more wasted time on dinners with men who would turn out to be a mismatch. I didn’t want to spend hours getting all dressed up and then end up on a failed date. But then I failed to get good use of Tinder as well.
I would swipe left, swipe right, matched countless times, and kept changing my bio and photos, but all the men I’ve met there ended up being just wrong.
Then in 2015, I tried Bumble. I liked it because it was made to empower women. Only women were able to initiate a conversation by sending the first message, and that was my main reason for downloading the app. Again, I continued swiping left and right but Mr. Perfect was not there, either.
I kept trying different apps, and soon after would delete them. But I wasn’t planning to give up. During my quest for the perfect online dating solution I also read some research. The results showed that a huge percent of folks use apps to find a romantic partner. Only a small number of users were interested in hookups.
Well, if most of us are looking for a romantic partner why are we unsuccessful in finding one?!
Today, dating apps have been massively used by millions of people all over the world. Girl, did you know, we have access to 59 million dating app users and 1500 dating apps to choose from?!
So, why did people start being overwhelmed (at least!) and state they’re fed up with dating apps Because it has become a toil, the same as regular dating. But it doesn’t have to be that way!
“A profile is not an ad, a profile is a window.”
My dating coach says your profile should spotlight who you really are and what you look for. There is no need to brag about your accomplishments. Dating apps are not LinkedIn for God’s sake!
Another dating expert, Lily Womble, says that people try using so many different apps and then sometimes, they face spam, harassment, or insults and end up deleting the app. She lists the most common mistakes and advises us on how to get the most out of dating apps:
1. The more, the better?
If you think your chances of finding love will be multiplied by dating hard, you’re wrong! Stop playing the numbers game! If you date like crazy all day long, you can get cognitive overload!
I used to make the same mistake and at some point, it was all just a huge mix-up. Believe me, you don’t need that. I’d mistaken one date with another, replied to the wrong men, and couldn’t remember who’s who.
Anthropologists would say “The brain is not well built to choose between hundreds or thousands of alternatives.” Have you ever heard of something called “decision fatigue”?
You spend a day deciding what to wear, which way to go, what tasks to prioritize at work… You don’t wanna push yourself into deciding over 20,000 matching profiles on dating apps. Unless you want to burn out!
2. Sooo many dating apps, what to choose?
Date smart, not hard! Choose one or two dating apps and invest your energy in them. These are the most popular ones and I’ve tried ‘em all 🤘!
Tinder is good for making fast connections. If you want to skip unwanted messages try Bumble as you, being a WOMAN, are more in control.
Looking to dive deeper than bare swipe, check out (my favorite ones) Match, OkCupid, or Hinge. You’ll find a wide base of possibilities, but the downside of Match and OkCupid is that you can’t filter inactive users.
MeetMindful is a small dating site, but it allows you to make meaningful connections and they promise matching curation, too.
3. Too much swiping, I can’t do it anymore!
Don’t overdate yourself! Put your phone down when you feel overwhelmed. Limit your swiping to 20-30 minutes a day.
I remember how I’d over swipe, sacrificing my sleep time for my endless quest for looove.
Hear me out on this: turn off notifications! Being alert all the time can be stressful. It’s not worth it, believe me! Maybe you’ll have fewer matches but at least they will have more potential for a quality connection.
Also, change the course – you need only a few, not many matches. If it goes bad, stop wasting time and move on to another user!
4. What a pointless conversation!
Tired of small talk headed to nowhere? Instantly cut off any pointless conversations.
I was always full of hope and would deceive myself that a meaningless chat would lead to a date and a date would lead to a dream relationship… Trust me it won’t. Don’t waste time like I did.
To skip messaging that is destined to fail, try asking deep and more intellectual questions, like The thing you’re doing right now… does it spark joy? What do you think, is there an afterlife?
Your question is designed to filter users who are not a good fit and start a deeper conversation with those who are on the same wavelength as you.
5. I keep swiping all the time but nothing?!
The truth is, some people on dating apps are not looking for love, they are looking for a pen pal. Oh boy, I was like a magnet for that type.
We’d keep texting each other week after week, but he’d show no interest in meeting me in person. I can’t understand why I was unable to spot the obvious – he was not looking for a date.
So, if you find yourself texting for days and see no date in your calendar after a week or two, call it quits! Don’t waste your time on a pen pal! End the communication politely, and move on.