30 Things You Should Never Mention to Your Adult Children

Conversations with your adult children can sometimes feel like walking a tightrope. You want to be supportive and loving, but some topics are better left unspoken.

We all want to maintain a strong, positive connection with our children, and part of that is knowing what subjects might lead to tension or hurt feelings.

I’ve put together a list of 30 things you should steer clear of when chatting with your grown kids.

Each point comes with a little explanation, so we can all enjoy more harmonious family gatherings and conversations without unintended drama. Let’s explore these with a warm heart and open mind.

1. Career Choices

When it comes to career choices, adult children often desire the freedom to carve their own paths without unsolicited advice. It’s tempting to weigh in on what they might do better or differently, but this can come across as undermining their autonomy. Instead of mentioning their career choices, consider asking questions that allow them to express their thoughts and feelings about their work journey. This approach can foster mutual respect and understanding.

By avoiding direct comments about their career, you’re giving them space to grow and learn from their experiences. This empowerment can lead to more open discussions where they might seek your guidance voluntarily. Remember, it’s about supporting them in a way that encourages independence and confidence.

Allow discussions on careers to flow naturally, offering guidance only when solicited. It nurtures a relationship rooted in trust and respect, where your adult child feels heard and valued. They’re more likely to share their successes and challenges with you when they know they won’t face judgment or unsolicited advice. Keeping the conversation positive and open-ended often leads to more meaningful interactions.

2. Personal Appearance

Discussing personal appearance can be a minefield. While it might seem like a harmless subject, comments about your adult child’s looks can be misinterpreted. They may perceive it as criticism or feel a pressure to meet certain standards. It’s crucial to focus on their inner qualities rather than outward appearances to help build their self-esteem.

Instead of mentioning their appearance, compliment them on their accomplishments or character traits. This shift in focus demonstrates that you value them for more than just how they look. Such appreciation fosters a supportive environment that nurtures positive self-image and confidence.

When conversations veer towards looks, try to steer them towards more uplifting topics. Encouraging a dialogue about their interests and hobbies can promote deeper emotional connections. This practice not only strengthens your bond but also reinforces a sense of unconditional love and acceptance. Your adult children will likely feel more comfortable and open in their interactions with you.

3. Lifestyle Choices

Lifestyle choices can often be a contentious issue between parents and adult children. Whether it’s about where they live, how they spend their free time, or their overall lifestyle, unsolicited opinions can feel invasive. These choices are deeply personal, and questioning them can create unnecessary tension.

Instead, embrace open-ended conversations where they can share their experiences and passions. By showing interest without judgment, you’re more likely to learn about their world and the reasons behind their choices. This approach not only respects their autonomy but also enriches your relationship by allowing them to express their identity.

Focusing on being supportive rather than critical encourages your adult children to live authentically and confidently. When they feel accepted and supported, they’re more inclined to share their lives with you without fear of criticism. This openness creates an environment where they can thrive and where your relationship can grow stronger and more resilient over time.

4. Romantic Relationships

Discussing romantic relationships with your adult children can be a delicate subject. They might interpret your advice as intrusive or as a lack of faith in their choices. Even if you have the best intentions, it’s essential to allow them the space to navigate their own relationships.

Instead of bringing up their romantic life, create an atmosphere where they feel comfortable sharing details. By being an empathetic listener, they may seek your wisdom when they’re ready. This approach fosters trust and encourages them to confide in you without fear of judgment.

Keep the focus on maintaining a supportive and understanding presence. When they know they can approach you freely, your bond strengthens. This foundation of trust enables them to explore and grow within their relationships, knowing they have your unconditional support without unsolicited interference. Your role as a parent becomes one of a steady pillar, offering love and advice when asked.

5. Parenting Advice

Ah, parenting advice – the age-old topic that can ruffle feathers faster than you can say “time-out.” While you may have years of experience under your belt, your adult children are navigating their own parenting journey. Offering unsolicited advice might make them feel inadequate or judged.

Instead of giving direct advice, offer a listening ear. They’ll appreciate having someone to bounce ideas off without feeling criticized. This approach not only respects their role as a parent but also strengthens your relationship by showing trust in their abilities.

Remember to share your experiences only if they ask. This way, you’re offering support without overstepping boundaries. By doing so, you’re not just a parent but a partner in their parenting journey. They’re more likely to come to you for guidance, knowing they’ll receive understanding and encouragement rather than unsolicited opinions. This mutual respect fosters a more open and loving family dynamic.

6. Financial Decisions

Financial decisions can be a touchy subject for adult children. While your intentions may be to help, unsolicited advice can feel like a lack of trust in their financial acumen. It’s important to let them manage their finances in a way that suits their lifestyle and goals.

Instead of offering advice, encourage open conversations about financial goals and challenges. This approach allows them to share their financial journey voluntarily and seek your support when needed. It demonstrates respect for their independence and decision-making abilities.

By creating a safe space for financial discussions, you build trust and openness. Your adult children are likely to approach you with financial dilemmas, knowing they’ll receive guidance without judgment. This mutual respect and understanding can lead to more constructive discussions, ultimately strengthening your relationship.

7. Past Mistakes

Bringing up past mistakes can reopen old wounds and create unnecessary tension. Your adult children are likely aware of their previous missteps and don’t need reminders of them. Dwelling on the past can prevent you both from moving forward and may damage your relationship.

Instead, focus on the present and future. Encourage conversations that revolve around growth, learning, and goals. This positive outlook helps create a nurturing environment where your adult children feel supported and understood.

By letting go of past mistakes, you’re showing your children that you trust them to learn and evolve. This approach fosters mutual respect and strengthens your bond. When they feel accepted for who they are, they’re more likely to engage in open and honest discussions. This attitude not only enhances your relationship but also promotes personal growth and resilience.

8. Health Choices

Discussing health choices can be a sensitive topic. Whether it’s about diet, exercise, or medical decisions, unsolicited advice can feel intrusive. Your adult children are capable of making their health decisions, and it’s essential to respect their autonomy.

Instead of mentioning their health choices, express interest in their wellness journey. Ask open-ended questions about what motivates them or what they find challenging. This approach fosters a supportive environment where they feel encouraged to share their health experiences.

By focusing on their wellness journey, you’re creating a space where they feel valued and understood. This mutual respect can lead to more open and honest conversations about health. Your adult children will likely appreciate your interest and might even seek your advice when needed. This supportive dynamic strengthens your relationship and promotes a healthy lifestyle.

9. Friendship Circles

Friendship circles can be a tricky subject to navigate. While you might have opinions about your adult child’s friends, it’s crucial to keep those thoughts to yourself. Criticizing their friends can feel like a personal attack and lead to defensiveness.

Instead of commenting on their friendships, express interest in the positive experiences they share with their friends. This approach encourages an open dialogue where they feel comfortable discussing their social life without judgment.

By focusing on the positive aspects of their friendships, you’re promoting a supportive and understanding relationship. Your adult children are more likely to share their social experiences with you when they know they’ll receive encouragement and empathy. This open communication strengthens your bond and fosters a sense of trust and respect.

10. Life Milestones

Life milestones, like buying a house or getting married, can be exciting yet stressful for your adult children. While it’s natural to want to offer advice, unsolicited opinions can feel overwhelming and pressure-filled. It’s important to allow them the space to navigate these milestones independently.

Instead, celebrate their achievements with enthusiasm and support. By showing genuine happiness for their milestones, you’re creating a nurturing environment where they feel valued and loved.

By focusing on support rather than advice, you’re fostering a relationship built on trust and respect. Your adult children will likely appreciate your encouragement and may seek your guidance when needed. This approach strengthens your bond and creates a positive and loving dynamic.

11. Comparisons with Siblings

Comparisons with siblings can cause unnecessary tension and feelings of inadequacy. Each child is unique, and comparing them can lead to resentment and strained relationships. It’s essential to celebrate their individuality and accomplishments without drawing comparisons.

Instead of comparing, focus on their unique strengths and achievements. This approach promotes a supportive environment where they feel valued for who they are rather than how they measure up to their siblings.

By celebrating their individuality, you’re fostering a loving and accepting relationship. Your adult children will likely appreciate your understanding and may feel more comfortable sharing their successes and challenges with you. This approach strengthens your bond and promotes a sense of mutual respect and love.

12. Religious Beliefs

Religious beliefs can be a deeply personal and sensitive subject. Unsolicited opinions or attempts to influence their beliefs can lead to tension and conflict. It’s essential to respect their spiritual journey and allow them the space to explore their faith independently.

Instead of discussing their beliefs, express interest in their spiritual journey. This approach fosters a supportive and open environment where they feel comfortable sharing their experiences without fear of judgment.

By respecting their beliefs, you’re creating a relationship built on trust and understanding. Your adult children will likely appreciate your acceptance and may seek your guidance if they desire it. This mutual respect strengthens your bond and promotes a positive and loving dynamic.

13. Living Arrangements

Living arrangements can be a sensitive topic for adult children. Whether they choose to live alone, with a partner, or with roommates, it’s important to respect their decisions. Unsolicited advice or criticism can feel invasive and judgmental.

Instead, express interest in their living situation and offer support. By showing understanding and respect for their choices, you’re creating a nurturing environment where they feel valued.

By focusing on support rather than criticism, you’re fostering a relationship built on trust and respect. Your adult children will likely appreciate your encouragement and may seek your guidance when needed. This approach strengthens your bond and creates a positive and loving dynamic.

14. Social Media Presence

Social media presence is a personal aspect of your adult child’s life. Criticism or unsolicited advice about their online activities can feel invasive and judgmental. It’s important to respect their digital space and allow them the freedom to express themselves.

Instead, express interest in their online activities and ask about their experiences. This approach fosters a positive and open environment where they feel comfortable sharing their digital journey with you.

By respecting their online space, you’re creating a relationship built on trust and understanding. Your adult children will likely appreciate your acceptance and may seek your guidance if they desire it. This mutual respect strengthens your bond and promotes a positive and loving dynamic.

15. Political Views

Political views can be a divisive topic, even within families. Attempting to influence or criticize your adult child’s beliefs can lead to tension and conflict. It’s essential to respect their views and allow them the freedom to explore their political beliefs independently.

Instead, engage in open and respectful discussions about their views. This approach fosters a supportive and understanding environment where they feel comfortable expressing their opinions without fear of judgment.

By respecting their political views, you’re creating a relationship built on trust and mutual respect. Your adult children will likely appreciate your acceptance and may seek your guidance if they desire it. This positive dynamic strengthens your bond and promotes a loving and respectful relationship.

16. Hobbies and Interests

Hobbies and interests are an essential part of your adult child’s identity. Criticism or unsolicited advice about their passions can feel dismissive and discouraging. It’s important to celebrate their pursuits and allow them the freedom to explore their interests.

Instead, express interest in their hobbies and ask about their experiences. This approach fosters a supportive and open environment where they feel comfortable sharing their passions with you.

By celebrating their interests, you’re creating a relationship built on trust and understanding. Your adult children will likely appreciate your encouragement and may seek your guidance if they desire it. This mutual respect strengthens your bond and promotes a positive and loving dynamic.

17. Future Plans

Future plans are a personal aspect of your adult child’s life. Unsolicited advice or criticism about their goals can feel overwhelming and pressure-filled. It’s essential to respect their aspirations and allow them the freedom to dream big.

Instead, express interest in their plans and offer support. This approach fosters a positive and nurturing environment where they feel valued and encouraged to pursue their dreams.

18. Relationship with In-Laws

The relationship with in-laws can be a touchy subject for your adult children. Criticism or unsolicited advice about these relationships can feel intrusive and judgmental. It’s important to respect their family dynamics and allow them the freedom to navigate these relationships independently.

Instead, express interest in their family experiences and offer support. This approach fosters a positive and open environment where they feel comfortable sharing their family journey with you.

By respecting their family dynamics, you’re creating a relationship built on trust and understanding. Your adult children will likely appreciate your acceptance and may seek your guidance if they desire it. This mutual respect strengthens your bond and promotes a positive and loving dynamic.

19. Personal Values

Personal values are a deeply personal aspect of your adult child’s life. Unsolicited advice or attempts to influence their values can lead to tension and conflict. It’s essential to respect their values and allow them the freedom to explore their beliefs independently.

Instead, engage in open and respectful discussions about their values. This approach fosters a supportive and understanding environment where they feel comfortable expressing their beliefs without fear of judgment.

By respecting their values, you’re creating a relationship built on trust and mutual respect. Your adult children will likely appreciate your acceptance and may seek your guidance if they desire it. This positive dynamic strengthens your bond and promotes a loving and respectful relationship.

20. Educational Choices

Educational choices can be a sensitive topic for adult children. Unsolicited advice or criticism about their academic pursuits can feel overwhelming and pressure-filled. It’s essential to respect their educational journey and allow them the freedom to explore their passions.

Instead, express interest in their studies and offer support. This approach fosters a positive and nurturing environment where they feel valued and encouraged to pursue their academic goals.

21. Work-Life Balance

Work-life balance is a personal aspect of your adult child’s life. Criticism or unsolicited advice about their balance can feel overwhelming and pressure-filled. It’s essential to respect their choices and allow them the freedom to manage their time.

Instead, express interest in their balance and offer support. This approach fosters a positive and nurturing environment where they feel valued and encouraged to find their equilibrium.

22. Retirement Plans

Retirement plans may seem like a distant concern for your adult children, but it’s crucial to allow them the freedom to plan their future. Unsolicited advice or pressure about saving can feel overwhelming and dismissive of their current priorities.

Instead, express interest in their financial goals and offer support. This approach fosters a positive and nurturing environment where they feel valued and encouraged to plan their future.

23. Travel Plans

Travel plans are a personal and exciting aspect of your adult child’s life. Unsolicited advice or criticism about their destinations or itineraries can feel dismissive and controlling. It’s essential to respect their travel choices and allow them the freedom to explore.

Instead, express interest in their adventures and offer support. This approach fosters a positive and open environment where they feel valued and encouraged to share their travel experiences with you.

By focusing on support rather than advice, you’re fostering a relationship built on trust and respect. Your adult children will likely appreciate your encouragement and may share their adventures with you, knowing they’ll receive support and interest. This approach strengthens your bond and creates a positive and loving dynamic.

24. Personal Achievements

Personal achievements are an essential part of your adult child’s identity. Criticism or unsolicited advice about their accomplishments can feel dismissive and discouraging. It’s important to celebrate their successes and allow them the freedom to pursue their goals.

Instead, express interest in their achievements and offer support. This approach fosters a supportive and open environment where they feel valued and encouraged to share their accomplishments with you.

By celebrating their achievements, you’re creating a relationship built on trust and understanding. Your adult children will likely appreciate your encouragement and may seek your guidance if they desire it. This mutual respect strengthens your bond and promotes a positive and loving dynamic.

25. Mental Health

Mental health is a deeply personal and sensitive aspect of your adult child’s life. Criticism or unsolicited advice about their mental wellness can feel intrusive and judgmental. It’s important to respect their mental health journey and allow them the freedom to seek support.

Instead, express interest in their well-being and offer support. This approach fosters a positive and open environment where they feel valued and encouraged to share their mental health experiences with you.

By respecting their mental health journey, you’re creating a relationship built on trust and understanding. Your adult children will likely appreciate your acceptance and may seek your guidance if they desire it. This mutual respect strengthens your bond and promotes a positive and loving dynamic.

26. Cultural Preferences

Cultural preferences are a personal aspect of your adult child’s life. Criticism or unsolicited advice about their cultural choices can feel dismissive and controlling. It’s essential to respect their preferences and allow them the freedom to explore their cultural identity.

Instead, express interest in their cultural experiences and offer support. This approach fosters a positive and open environment where they feel valued and encouraged to share their cultural journey with you.

By focusing on support rather than advice, you’re fostering a relationship built on trust and respect. Your adult children will likely appreciate your encouragement and may seek your guidance if they desire it. This positive dynamic strengthens your bond and promotes a loving and respectful relationship.

27. Communication Style

Communication style is a personal aspect of your adult child’s life. Criticism or unsolicited advice about how they communicate can feel dismissive and controlling. It’s important to respect their communication style and allow them the freedom to express themselves.

Instead, express interest in their communication preferences and offer support. This approach fosters a positive and open environment where they feel valued and encouraged to share their thoughts and feelings with you.

By respecting their communication style, you’re creating a relationship built on trust and understanding. Your adult children will likely appreciate your acceptance and may seek your guidance if they desire it. This mutual respect strengthens your bond and promotes a positive and loving dynamic.

28. Vocation and Purpose

Vocation and purpose are deeply personal aspects of your adult child’s life. Unsolicited advice or criticism about their career or life purpose can feel intrusive and judgmental. It’s important to respect their journey and allow them the freedom to explore their vocation and purpose.

Instead, express interest in their aspirations and offer support. This approach fosters a positive and open environment where they feel valued and encouraged to pursue their dreams.

29. Their Childhood Nicknames

Remember the days when you used to call your child “Bunny Boo” or “Little Stinker”? As endearing as those nicknames were back then, they might not carry the same charm today. Bringing them up could evoke an avalanche of embarrassing childhood memories they’d rather forget.

While it might seem harmless, these nicknames could unintentionally highlight a time of awkwardness or insecurity. Adult children often wish to be seen as the grown-ups they’ve become, not the kids they once were.

Instead, focus on shared memories that reflect their achievements and growth. Celebrate who they are now.

30. Old Arguments

Rehashing past arguments can reopen old wounds and disrupt the peace in your relationship. While it may be tempting to revisit unresolved issues, it’s often more beneficial to focus on positive interactions and shared goals for the future.

Adult children usually seek resolutions that foster a supportive environment rather than dwelling on disagreements that are long past. Bringing up old arguments can make them feel that their growth and progress have been overlooked.

Encourage constructive conversations that strengthen your bond and emphasize understanding and empathy.