So, you’ve got adult kids? Congrats on making it through the teenage rollercoaster and landing in the realm of adulting! But just because they’re all grown up now doesn’t mean our job as parents is over. Oh no, it’s just the beginning of learning how to navigate the beautiful chaos of parenting adults.
It’s time to have a little heart-to-heart, about the things we might need to let go. Trust me, holding onto old expectations can be like wearing stilettos on a hiking trip—uncomfortable and totally unnecessary.
Let’s explore the 34 things we might want to stop expecting from our adult children. Spoiler alert: letting go can be liberating, both for you and your kiddos!
1. Stop expecting daily phone calls
Do you remember the days when they were just a call away? Well, those days might be over. Expecting your adult children to call you every single day is a bit like expecting rain in the desert—rare and often unrealistic. Life gets busy, routines change, and sometimes, they just need a little space. Instead of daily calls, try setting up a weekly catch-up session. It doesn’t mean they love you any less; they’re just navigating their world like we all did. So, next time you feel that urge to reach out, maybe shoot them a funny meme instead. It might just be the nudge they need to pick up the phone.
2. Stop expecting them to follow your traditions
Traditions are wonderful, aren’t they? They connect us to our roots and give us a sense of belonging. But as our children grow up, they start forming their own traditions—ones that resonate with their identity and lifestyle. It’s like trying on a new pair of shoes; sometimes, you have to walk a mile in them to see if they fit. Encourage them to embrace the traditions that speak to them, even if it means swapping Christmas turkey for a vegan feast or skipping the yearly family karaoke night. Remember, the essence of traditions is love and togetherness, not the turkey or the off-key singing.
3. Stop expecting them to share all their secrets
Remember those days of bedtime confessions and whispered secrets? Well, your kiddos aren’t kids anymore. They have their own lives, and sometimes, that includes things they’d prefer to keep to themselves. Expecting them to spill every detail is like trying to hold water in a sieve—impossible and unnecessary. Privacy is a sign of maturity and trust, not deceit. Encourage them to share when they feel ready, and respect their boundaries. Trust me; they’ll appreciate you for it and might even surprise you with a heartfelt chat when you least expect it.
4. Stop expecting financial dependence
Ah, the sweet sound of financial independence! It’s a bit like hearing your favorite song on a Sunday morning. Expecting your adult children to lean on you financially forever is like holding onto a kite string in a hurricane—unsustainable and likely to snap. Encourage them to stand on their own two feet, make financial mistakes, and learn from them. It’s part of growing up, and who knows, they might even surprise you with a few budgeting tips of their own. Plus, think about all those vacations you could plan with the extra cash!
5. Stop expecting unconditional obedience
My dear friend, those days of ‘because I said so’ are long gone. Our adult children are individuals with their own minds, dreams, and yes, opinions! Expecting them to obey every command is like expecting a cat to fetch—not going to happen. Encourage healthy discussions, value their perspectives, and remember that disagreements aren’t signs of disrespect. They’re just exploring what it means to be them, and sometimes that path doesn’t align with ours. But hey, think of it as an opportunity to learn something new from your very own offspring!
6. Stop expecting them to live nearby
Remember when moving out meant settling two streets away? Times have changed, my friend. Expecting your kids to live within a stone’s throw is like expecting snow in July—possible, but unlikely. The world is their oyster, and sometimes that means packing up and living halfway across the globe. Encourage them to explore new opportunities, and remember, distance doesn’t diminish love. Thanks to technology, a video call can make a thousand miles feel like a single step. So, let them spread their wings; you’ve given them the roots they need.
7. Stop expecting them to have kids
Ah, the question of grandchildren! As tempting as it may be to dream of little ones running around, expecting your adult children to have kids is like expecting a fish to climb a tree—not their natural course. Not everyone wants the pitter-patter of tiny feet, and that’s okay. Celebrate their choices, whether it’s nurturing a fur baby, traveling the world, or focusing on their careers. They’re carving their own paths, and it might not include little ones. Who knows, you might find their chosen adventures just as fulfilling.
8. Stop expecting them to call you for every decision
Do you recall the days when they’d ask for your opinion on everything? From what to wear to how to cut their hair, you were the go-to guru. But now, expecting them to call you for every decision is like expecting to win the lottery without a ticket—unlikely and unrealistic. Encourage their independence and decision-making prowess. They’ll stumble and fall, but they’ll also learn and grow. And who knows, they might just surprise you with the wisdom you’ve imparted along the way. After all, they did learn from the best!
9. Stop expecting them to mirror your life choices
Remember when you were their age and the world was your playground? It still is, just for them now. Expecting your adult children to mirror your life choices is like expecting a rainbow to be only one color—limiting and unrealistic. Encourage them to explore, to make choices that resonate with their souls, even if it means taking a different path from yours. Celebrate their individuality, and remember, different doesn’t mean wrong. It just means different, and who knows, you might learn a thing or two from their adventures.
10. Stop expecting them to always be available
Remember the days when their schedules revolved around yours? Those days are long gone, my friend. Expecting your adult children to always be available is like expecting the sun to shine during a thunderstorm—impractical and unlikely. They’ve got jobs, social lives, and maybe even families of their own. Respect their time, and instead of demanding their presence, cherish the moments you do get to spend together. Quality over quantity, as they say. And who knows, maybe the anticipation will make your reunions even sweeter.
11. Stop expecting them to dress a certain way
Ah, fashion—the ever-evolving expression of self. Expecting your adult children to dress the way you did is like expecting bell-bottoms to make a permanent comeback—possible but not probable. Encourage them to express themselves through their clothing, even if it means neon colors and unconventional styles. Fashion is about self-expression, and who knows, you might just find their choices refreshing and inspiring. Remember, you taught them to be themselves, and this is just another canvas for their creativity.
12. Stop expecting them to adhere to your timeline
Ah, the life timeline—graduate, marry, have kids, retire. It’s a classic, but expecting your adult children to adhere to it is like expecting the seasons to follow a strict schedule—unpredictable and unnecessarily stressful. Encourage them to live life at their own pace, to follow their own hearts rather than a preconceived timeline. Life is a journey, not a race, and sometimes the scenic route is the most fulfilling. So, let them wander, explore, and find their own rhythm.
13. Stop expecting them to have the same beliefs
Beliefs are as unique as fingerprints, shaped by experiences and introspection. Expecting your adult children to have the same beliefs as you is like expecting clouds to stay in the same shape—impossible and not very exciting. Encourage open-mindedness and exploration, allowing them to discover what resonates with their soul. Different beliefs don’t mean a lack of respect or love; in fact, they can lead to enriching conversations and broader perspectives. So, embrace the differences and cherish the dialogue.
14. Stop expecting them to visit every holiday
Ah, the holiday season—filled with traditions, joy, and sometimes, unrealistic expectations. Expecting your adult children to visit every holiday is like expecting every day to be a holiday—exhausting and impossible. Encourage flexibility and understanding, allowing them to create their own holiday traditions or even take a break from the usual. Technology makes it easier to stay connected, and sometimes, a virtual gathering can be just as heartwarming. So, cherish the times you do spend together and let go of the rest.
15. Stop expecting them to have the same hobbies
Ah, hobbies—the little joys that make life sweet. Expecting your adult children to share the same hobbies is like expecting every flower to bloom at once—impossible and a tad boring. Encourage them to find their own passions, even if it means trying something completely unexpected. Hobbies are a form of self-expression and can lead to unexpected adventures. So, celebrate their unique interests, and who knows, you might discover a new hobby of your own along the way.
16. Stop expecting them to be your emotional support
Remember when they were your little confidants, always ready to lend an ear? Those days have evolved. Expecting your adult children to be your main source of emotional support is like expecting a single plant to sustain an entire garden—unhealthy and unrealistic. Encourage them to be supportive, of course, but also seek companionship and understanding from peers and friends. Building a network of support ensures that you’re not putting undue pressure on your children to fulfill a role they might not be ready for. Remember, they’re still figuring out their own lives too.
17. Stop expecting them to agree with your parenting style
Ah, the art of parenting—a skill learned through trial, error, and a pinch of wisdom. Expecting your adult children to agree with your parenting style is like expecting a recipe to taste the same every time—unlikely and inflexible. Encourage them to explore their own parenting philosophies, even if it means taking a different path. Parenting is personal and ever-evolving, influenced by cultural shifts and personal experiences. Celebrate their journey, and who knows, you might learn a thing or two from them as well.
18. Stop expecting them to pursue traditional careers
Remember when doctor, lawyer, and engineer were the coveted career paths? Times have changed, my friend. Expecting your adult children to pursue traditional careers is like expecting every bird to fly south for the winter—limiting and outdated. Encourage them to follow their passions, even if it means a career that’s less conventional. The world is vast and filled with opportunities, and sometimes the path less traveled leads to the most rewarding destinations. So, support their dreams and watch them soar, because success isn’t always measured by convention.
19. Stop expecting them to manage life like you did
Ah, the sweet nostalgia of how things used to be. Expecting your adult children to manage life exactly like you did is like expecting a vintage car to run like a modern one—charming but impractical. Times have changed, and so have the challenges and opportunities. Encourage them to navigate life in a way that suits the times, learning from both your experiences and new ones. Life is about adapting, growing, and thriving in the present, and trust me, they’ll appreciate the freedom to find their own way.
20. Stop expecting them to stick to your ideals
Ideals are like stars, guiding us through the night. But expecting your adult children to adhere strictly to yours is like expecting everyone to navigate by the same constellations—uninspiring and unrealistic. Encourage them to find their own guiding stars, to explore ideals that resonate with their hearts. Different doesn’t mean wrong; it just means different. Celebrate their journey of discovery and growth, and cherish the unique perspectives they bring to your relationship.
21. Stop expecting them to be perfect
Perfection is a myth, a mirage we chase but never quite reach. Expecting your adult children to be perfect is like expecting a painting to be flawless—subjective and unachievable. Encourage them to embrace their imperfections, to learn from their mistakes, and to grow from their experiences. Life is about progress, not perfection, and sometimes the most beautiful moments arise from our missteps. So, let them be human, and remember, they’re perfectly imperfect just like the rest of us.
22. Stop expecting them to never change
Ah, change—the only constant in life. Expecting your adult children to stay the same is like expecting the seasons to stand still—unnatural and stifling. Encourage them to embrace change, to explore new horizons and grow as individuals. Life is a journey, and change is a vital part of that journey. Celebrate their evolution and support their growth, for a stagnant life is no life at all. Remember, the caterpillar must change to become the butterfly.
23. Stop expecting them to solve your problems
Ah, the wisdom of age—the realization that we’re all just figuring it out as we go. Expecting your adult children to solve your problems is like expecting a single candle to light up a whole room—unrealistic and unfair. Encourage them to be supportive, but also seek solutions from a variety of sources. By building a network of support and wisdom, you’ll find that problems are easier to tackle collectively. Remember, they’ve got their own challenges to navigate, and mutual support will strengthen your bond.
24. Stop expecting them to always agree
Ah, agreement—the sweet but often elusive harmony in relationships. Expecting your adult children to always agree with you is like expecting the ocean to be perpetually calm—beautiful but unrealistic. Encourage healthy debates and discussions, valuing their perspectives even when they differ from your own. Disagreements are a natural part of relationships and offer opportunities for growth and understanding. So, cherish these moments of dialogue, for they are the foundation of a strong and dynamic relationship.
25. Stop expecting them to clean their plates
Remember the days of ‘clean your plate, or no dessert’? Those days have evolved, my friend. Expecting your adult children to finish every bite is like expecting every cloud to bring rain—unnecessary and often unwelcome. Encourage them to listen to their bodies, to eat what nourishes them and leave the rest. Food is about enjoyment, not obligation, and everyone’s relationship with it is unique. So, embrace their choices and remember, love is the main ingredient at any meal.
26. Stop expecting them to follow a linear path
Ah, the unpredictable journey of life. Expecting your adult children to follow a linear path is like expecting a river to flow straight—it’s the twists and turns that make it interesting. Encourage them to explore, to take detours and follow their curiosity. Life is not a straight line; it’s an adventure filled with unexpected opportunities and discoveries. Support their journey, and who knows, they might just find a path even more fulfilling than the one you imagined.
27. Stop expecting them to fit into a mold
Ah, the freedom of being uniquely you. Expecting your adult children to fit into a mold is like expecting every snowflake to be identical—impossible and uninspiring. Encourage them to embrace their individuality, to break free from societal expectations, and to carve their own path. Celebrate their uniqueness, for it is what makes them who they are. Life is not about fitting in; it’s about standing out and being true to oneself.
28. Stop expecting them to be your clone
Ah, the dream of seeing ourselves in our children. But expecting them to be your clone is like expecting a reflection to have depth—flattering but unrealistic. Encourage them to explore their own identities, to discover what makes them tick, even if it’s different from you. Celebrate their individuality and remember, they are a unique blend of experiences and influences. You’ve given them the foundation; now let them build their own masterpiece.
29. Stop expecting them to have all the answers
Ah, the pursuit of knowledge—a lifelong journey. Expecting your adult children to have all the answers is like expecting a single book to contain all wisdom—impossible and limiting. Encourage them to ask questions, to seek knowledge, and to grow in their understanding. Life is about exploration and learning, not certainty. Support their journey of discovery and remember, wisdom is not about having all the answers, but knowing where to find them.
30. Stop expecting them to follow societal norms
Ah, societal norms—the unspoken rules we often follow without question. Expecting your adult children to adhere strictly to these norms is like expecting every bird to sing the same tune—boring and limiting. Encourage them to challenge conventions, to think critically, and to advocate for change. Society evolves through those who dare to ask ‘why’ and ‘why not’. Celebrate their courage and remember, progress is born from those who dare to dream differently.
31. Stop expecting them to never fail
Ah, the fear of failure—a shadow we all face. Expecting your adult children to never fail is like expecting the sky to never cloud—it’s through the clouds that we find the rainbows. Encourage them to embrace failure as part of the journey, as a tool for growth and learning. Life’s greatest lessons often come from stumbling, and resilience is built through overcoming setbacks. So, support their journey and celebrate their courage to try, for failure is but a stepping stone to success.
32. Stop expecting them to meet all your social needs
Ah, the joy of companionship. Expecting your adult children to fulfill all your social needs is like expecting one flower to make a bouquet—beautiful but limited. Encourage them to be part of your social life, but also seek fulfillment in friendships and community activities. Building a network of connections enriches your life and allows your relationship with your children to be just one of many fulfilling bonds. Remember, variety is the spice of life.
33. Stop expecting them to have a plan for everything
Ah, the allure of plans and certainty. Expecting your adult children to have a plan for everything is like expecting the stars to align on cue—dreamy but impractical. Encourage them to embrace spontaneity, to let life unfold naturally, and to be open to unexpected opportunities. Life is an adventure, not a checklist, and sometimes the greatest joys come from unplanned moments. So, support their journey and trust that they’ll find their way, plan or not.
34. Stop expecting them to only rely on family
Ah, the comfort of family—a foundation we all cherish. But expecting your adult children to rely solely on family is like expecting one tree to make a forest—comforting but insufficient. Encourage them to build a diverse support network, to seek guidance from friends, mentors, and peers. Community is about connections, and the more diverse, the richer the experience. So, celebrate their journey of building bonds beyond family, and know that you’ve given them the roots to grow and flourish.