Narcissistic people aren’t always obvious. They can be charming, successful, and very skilled at twisting words to control, confuse, or manipulate.
And one of their sharpest tools? Language. They know how to say things that make you question your memory, your worth, and your instincts.
Here are 17 common phrases narcissistic people love to say—and 13 strong, grounded ways to respond without losing your power.
1. “You’re too sensitive.”
Narcissists often say, “You’re too sensitive,” to make you doubt your own feelings. It’s a subtle way to dismiss your emotional reality. In their eyes, your genuine reactions are inconvenient disturbances. They want you to feel like your emotional responses are overreactions, framing you as fragile or unreasonable.
This manipulation tactic often leaves you questioning yourself, making it hard to trust your own instincts. But remember, your feelings are valid. It’s okay to feel deeply and express it.
2. “I never said that.”
The phrase “I never said that” is classic gaslighting. Narcissists use this to make you doubt your memory. They are masters at rewriting history, twisting past conversations to suit their narrative. When confronted, they’ll deny previous statements, leaving you confused.
It’s disorienting, making you second-guess what you know to be true. Don’t let them rewrite your reality. Trust your memory and stand firm in what you recall. Your truth is not up for negotiation.
3. “You’re just being dramatic.”
“You’re just being dramatic” is a dismissive way narcissists minimize your emotions. It’s designed to belittle your experiences, making them seem trivial and exaggerated. This tactic invalidates your feelings, suggesting that you’re making a big deal out of nothing.
By labeling you as overly emotional, they deflect attention from their behavior and make you feel embarrassed for having feelings. Remember, your emotions are legitimate. It’s okay to express them without apology.
4. “You always make everything about you.”
When a narcissist tells you, “You always make everything about you,” it’s deflection at its finest. They aim to flip the script, shifting focus from their behavior to what they perceive as your self-centeredness. It’s a clever manipulation, making you question your intentions and feel guilty for wanting to discuss your feelings.
This tactic silences you, as you fear being perceived as selfish. Stand your ground. Your needs and concerns are valid and worthy of attention.
5. “You’re imagining things.”
“You’re imagining things” is another gaslighting tactic narcissists use to make you doubt your perceptions. By telling you that your observations are figments of your imagination, they undermine your trust in your own mind. This phrase is a tool to dismiss your concerns and make you feel irrational.
It breeds self-doubt, as you wonder if your reality is distorted. Trust what you see and feel. Your perceptions are real, and your experiences matter.
6. “You’re the one with the problem, not me.”
Narcissists shift blame by saying, “You’re the one with the problem, not me.” This is classic blame-shifting, making you feel at fault for issues they’ve created. By projecting their flaws onto you, they absolve themselves of accountability.
It’s a tactic to make you feel defensive, as you scramble to prove your innocence. Don’t take the bait. Recognize this as a deflection, and focus on the real issue. You’re not responsible for their behavior.
7. “After everything I’ve done for you…”
“After everything I’ve done for you…” is a guilt-tripping phrase narcissists use to manipulate you. They remind you of their so-called sacrifices to keep you indebted. This tactic is designed to make you feel ungrateful and guilty for wanting more.
By focusing on their actions, they divert attention from current issues, making you feel like you’re asking for too much. Remember, relationships aren’t about keeping score. You deserve fairness, not manipulation wrapped in guilt.
8. “You can’t take a joke.”
Narcissists often use humor as a weapon, saying, “You can’t take a joke,” to invalidate your feelings. It’s a way to mask cruelty with humor, making you feel like you’re overreacting to their comments.
By accusing you of lacking a sense of humor, they shift the blame to you, ensuring they never have to account for their hurtful words. Stand firm in your perception. Not all jokes are harmless, and it’s okay to call out hurtful behavior.
9. “No one else would ever put up with you.”
“No one else would ever put up with you” is a cruel attempt by narcissists to lower your self-esteem. This phrase is meant to make you feel unworthy, as if they’re your only lifeline. It’s a manipulative tactic to keep you dependent and doubting your own value.
By making you feel lucky to have them, they ensure you overlook their flaws. Remember, you are worthy of healthy, loving relationships. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.
10. “You’re overreacting.”
“You’re overreacting” is a common way narcissists shut you down when you’re calling out their behavior. It’s a tactic used to minimize your feelings, suggesting that your reactions are unreasonable or exaggerated. By labeling your response as over-the-top, they deflect responsibility and avoid addressing the underlying issue.
It’s a way to make you question your instincts and back down. Trust your feelings. You have every right to express them without being belittled.
11. “You’re just trying to start a fight.”
Narcissists often accuse you of wanting conflict by saying, “You’re just trying to start a fight.” This phrase is designed to invalidate your attempt to have an honest conversation. By framing your concerns as combative, they shift the focus away from their behavior and onto your supposed hostility.
It’s a tactic to silence you, as you fear being seen as confrontational. Stand firm in your desire for genuine dialogue. Your intentions are not to fight but to communicate.
12. “You should be grateful.”
Narcissists use “You should be grateful” to manipulate you into feeling indebted, even if they’ve hurt you. It’s a tactic to make you feel unappreciative for what they provide, overshadowing any mistreatment. By framing your relationship as something you owe them gratitude for, they divert attention from their negative actions.
You deserve relationships where appreciation is mutual and not a tool for control. Don’t let gratitude be used against you.
13. “If you loved me, you’d…”
“If you loved me, you’d…” is manipulation dressed as love, used by narcissists to guilt you into compliance. This phrase leverages your feelings, making love conditional on fulfilling their demands. It’s a tactic to coerce you into actions you’re uncomfortable with, under the guise of affection.
By framing requests as proof of love, they skew the dynamics of your relationship. True love isn’t conditional. Stand firm in your boundaries, knowing love doesn’t demand compliance.
14. “You’re crazy.”
Narcissists discredit you by saying, “You’re crazy,” undermining your credibility and sanity. This phrase is a direct attack on your mental state, meant to make you question your perceptions. By labeling you as unstable, they divert attention from their behavior and make you feel powerless.
It’s a form of gaslighting, leaving you bewildered and unsure of yourself. Trust in your reality and your experiences. You’re not crazy; your responses to their behavior are valid.
15. “I guess I’m the bad guy then.”
“I guess I’m the bad guy then” is a narcissist’s way of feigning self-pity to avoid accountability. This phrase is designed to make you feel guilty for holding them to account, twisting the narrative to make you seem unreasonable.
By framing themselves as the victim, they shift focus away from their actions, leaving you to question your own judgment. Don’t fall for the act. Stand firm in your convictions, knowing you’re right to call out their behavior.
16. “This is why I don’t open up to you.”
Narcissists blame you for their emotional avoidance by saying, “This is why I don’t open up to you.” It’s a tactic to shift responsibility for their lack of vulnerability onto you, making you feel inadequate. By framing you as the barrier to their emotional expression, they avoid accountability for their guardedness.
It’s a means to make you feel responsible for the distance in your relationship. Remember, genuine communication is a two-way street. You’re not to blame for their walls.
17. “You’re not remembering it right.”
“You’re not remembering it right” is another gaslighting tactic narcissists use to make you question your memory. By insisting your recall is flawed, they try to rewrite past events to their advantage. This phrase leaves you doubting your own recollections, twisting the truth to make you feel uncertain.
It’s a way to maintain control and manipulate the narrative. Trust your memory and your understanding of events. Your perception is valid, and your truth is important.
18. “That’s not how I experienced it.”
Responding with “That’s not how I experienced it” sets a clear boundary. It’s a simple, direct response that’s non-negotiable, allowing you to stand firm in your truth. By asserting your perspective, you resist being swayed by their manipulation tactics.
You acknowledge that experiences are subjective, but your feelings and perceptions are valid. This response empowers you to hold onto your narrative without being overpowered by theirs. It’s a way to maintain your confidence and clarity.
19. “I’m not going to argue about my feelings.”
Saying “I’m not going to argue about my feelings” is a powerful assertion of your emotional autonomy. It communicates that your feelings are valid, even if they aren’t convenient for the narcissist. By refusing to debate your emotions, you protect your emotional integrity and set clear boundaries.
This response tells them that your feelings aren’t up for negotiation. It’s an empowering stance, reminding you and them that your emotional reality is not subject to their approval.
20. “You don’t get to tell me how I feel.”
“You don’t get to tell me how I feel” is a firm boundary that reclaims your emotional narrative. It’s a declaration that your emotions are yours alone, not subject to external validation or dismissal. By asserting this, you protect your emotional truth from being manipulated.
It’s a reminder that no one else can dictate your feelings or diminish your experiences. This response empowers you to own your emotional reality, standing strong in the face of manipulation attempts.
21. “Let’s stick to the facts.”
“Let’s stick to the facts” redirects the conversation back to reality. It’s a tactic to counter deflection and bring the focus back to objective truth. By insisting on facts, you challenge attempts to distort or manipulate the narrative. This response helps keep discussions grounded, preventing emotional escalation and confusion.
It’s a way to maintain clarity and control over the conversation, ensuring that you’re discussing reality, not distorted perceptions. It’s an empowering stance in any dialogue.
22. “I’m not responsible for your reactions.”
Saying “I’m not responsible for your reactions” establishes a clear boundary against misplaced blame. This phrase communicates that while you can be kind, you won’t take on the burden of someone else’s emotional responses. It’s a way to assert your independence and maintain your emotional integrity.
By drawing the line, you protect yourself from being manipulated into feeling guilty for how others choose to react. It’s a powerful reminder that you are responsible for your actions, not their interpretations.
23. “If we can’t speak respectfully, I’m ending this conversation.”
This response underscores your commitment to respectful communication. By stating “If we can’t speak respectfully, I’m ending this conversation,” you prioritize your peace and establish a firm boundary. It’s a way to disengage from toxic dialogue, refusing to participate in conversations that devolve into disrespect.
This stance protects your mental and emotional well-being, reminding both you and the other person that respect is non-negotiable. It empowers you to walk away if necessary, maintaining your dignity.
24. “That sounds like manipulation.”
“That sounds like manipulation” calls out the tactic for what it is. Naming manipulation takes its power away, disrupting the cycle of control. By identifying the behavior, you shine a light on it, making it harder for the narcissist to continue unchallenged.
This response asserts your awareness and refusal to be drawn into their games. It’s a courageous stance, refusing to be swayed by deceitful tactics. Recognizing manipulation is the first step to breaking free from its grasp.
25. “I’m allowed to set boundaries—even if you don’t like them.”
“I’m allowed to set boundaries—even if you don’t like them” is a declaration of your right to protect your space. Setting boundaries is an essential part of self-care, ensuring that your needs are respected.
This phrase communicates that discomfort doesn’t equal wrong, and your boundaries aren’t dependent on someone else’s approval. By asserting this, you prioritize your well-being over others’ opinions, standing firm in your right to define your limits. Boundaries are a form of self-respect.
26. “That’s not a joke. That was hurtful.”
Calling out hurtful behavior by saying “That’s not a joke. That was hurtful” holds others accountable for their words. It’s a way to challenge the idea that all humor is harmless, emphasizing the impact over intent. By standing up to dismissive or cruel jokes, you assert the importance of kindness and respect in communication.
This response encourages awareness of how words affect others, fostering a more considerate dialogue. It reminds everyone that jokes aren’t an excuse for insensitivity.
27. “Gaslighting isn’t going to work this time.”
“Gaslighting isn’t going to work this time” is a bold statement that sets the tone for the interaction. By directly calling out the tactic, you refuse to be manipulated by false narratives. It’s a declaration of your awareness and refusal to be swayed by deceitful tactics.
This response empowers you to maintain control over your narrative, asserting your reality in the face of distortion. It’s a courageous stance, reminding the other person that you won’t be easily fooled by their attempts to undermine you.
28. “I know what I heard—and how it made me feel.”
This phrase reclaims your truth, asserting your memory and emotions as valid. By saying “I know what I heard—and how it made me feel,” you resist being gaslit into doubting your experiences. It’s a powerful affirmation of your reality, emphasizing that your perceptions aren’t up for negotiation.
This response bolsters your confidence, reminding you to trust your instincts and emotions. In the face of manipulation, standing firm in your truth is a powerful act of self-assurance and clarity.
29. Silence.
Sometimes, the most powerful response is none at all. Silence can be a strategic choice, allowing you to disengage from manipulation and maintain your composure. By choosing not to respond, you withhold the validation and attention the narcissist seeks, disrupting their control.
Silence is an assertive stance, signaling that you won’t be drawn into pointless arguments or emotional games. It’s a way to protect your peace and focus on what truly matters, without being derailed by negativity.
30. Walk away. Literally.
Walking away is a powerful action, demonstrating that you value your peace over engaging in toxic interactions. By physically removing yourself from the situation, you assert your boundaries and prioritize your well-being.
It’s a clear message that you refuse to be part of a manipulative dynamic, valuing your mental and emotional health above all. Walking away shows strength, not weakness, highlighting your commitment to self-care and dignity. It’s a reminder that you deserve environments that nourish your spirit.