The art of flirting isn’t something we are born with. However, it seems like some people are just naturally talented in winning the hearts of others. Bartenders are one of them.
Working at different bars in my twenties really taught me some useful life skills. From handling chaos to picking up any guy I like, I’ve learned it all. I’ve also seen it all. Drunk people, strangers passionately kissing, provocative looks, failed dates but also really successful ones.
From watching so many people flirt, I think I even got this talent where I can guess if they will get lucky in the first few minutes of their date. I think this is a universal experience for all bartenders.
I realized this when I went to a bar the other night. I started chatting with Mia who works there about my experience of working at a bar and we had so many same stories and situations we’ve been in.
We applied for a job to make some money but actually ended up as dating and flirting experts. What we concluded in the end is that the good thing about flirting is that the same tips work for everyone. Believe me, we tested them all and figured out which ones were the best. Sharing is caring, so let’s dive in.
Good eye contact is where it all starts
Whether you are there on your first date or want to pick up someone you like, eye contact is the best way to get their attention.
Of course, you don’t want to stare into their soul but make sure they know you noticed them. If you are having a conversation and only looking around, it will look like you’re not interested and that’s not what you want.
A flirty look is all it takes to get you where you want. If you’re afraid you would look like a serial killer choosing their next victim, try smiling gently as well, it helps!
Confidence is key
A good amount of confidence can make even the biggest fool look like the best charmer. Confident people just attract everyone like a freaking magnet.
If you are confident you are a good guy or woman worth having by their side, they will most probably think that too. At least that thought will spin in their head without them even realizing it. Fake it ‘till you make it!
Light touch can get you far away
Touch is a very dangerous game, and thus so exciting! It can get you very far away very quickly (if you get what I mean, winky face).
Mia agreed with me when we came to this topic and said:
“I remember my date with this guy who was really attractive. I knew subtle touch here and there was a way to go. He would tell me a joke and I touched his shoulder while laughing. I used his knee to help me get down from the bar stool. These tiny little moments are so powerful. And let me tell you, it definitely got me to my final destination!”
Touch can also be tricky because it’s very easy to cross someone’s boundary. So always make sure to pay attention to their body language. If they seem uncomfortable, even for a second, you should stop and maybe leave it for some other time.
They don’t need to know your full life story
You should always be a bit mysterious when meeting new people. Choose your words wisely and tell them just enough to keep them interested and impatient to find out more.
One night when I was working at the bar, a man came in. He nervously looked at his phone, then checked his watch several times. I could see he was waiting for someone. “Starting strong, I see. Important date tonight?”
He breathed out like he was relieved and confirmed. He quickly started venting about his most recent problems at work and in life like I have tattooed “psychologist” on my forehead. I listened and offered some advice, but I didn’t tell him much about myself apart from some basic things.
The next time he came to the bar, he wasn’t waiting for anyone. He told me that he found me way more interesting than his date and that he couldn’t stop thinking about me.
“I didn’t even get your name! So now you owe me your name and a phone number.”, he joked while handing me a paper and a pen. And this my friends, this is how you do it.
Flirty texts set the mood
You maybe don’t pay much attention to your texts, but this could be a great moment to start doing it. Good texts before your date can really help you to set the mood right when you meet. Try to make everything you write sound a bit flirty and don’t be afraid to let them know you like them.
The worst thing you could do is send dry responses to their messages, but it’s not good either when you’re too annoying and don’t let them breathe.
Mia shared her failed date story with me:
“My friends wanted to connect me with one guy saying we could be a good match. So I decided to give them the green light and they gave him my number. After a day or two he sent me a text asking to meet me. I thought he would at least break the ice with some fun conversation so I could at least know what I was getting myself into. He just sent me the location and time and told me to meet him there. It felt like he was setting up a meeting with his colleague!”
Long story short, she never went out with him nor trusted her friends with her love life. I mean, would you go out with an unknown guy who just sent you time and location and nothing else?! Me neither.
Flirting is just a fun game and that’s exactly how you should approach it. Be playful and fun, try different things out, and see what works best for you. Be yourself but also be careful not to go over the line and just try to enjoy the process!