7 cosas que pasan cuando conoces a un buen chico después de sobrevivir a un abuso emocional

Enamorarse después de que alguien te haya destruido así puede ser una batalla cuesta arriba.

You really want to love again and you want to open your heart to the one who loves you, but you just can’t.

You’re too scared that you will go through the same old story again.

You’re terrified of being dragged into emotional abuse because you know it’s almost impossible to get out.

You’ve been there and you didn’t even realize what he was doing to you.

Creías que así era como debía ser. Pensabas que las relaciones funcionaban así.

Pensabas que tenía razón al decir que tú eras el culpable de todo lo malo.

Y empezaste a creértelo. Absorbías sus mentiras como si fueran las cosas más sinceras que alguien te hubiera dicho jamás.

Tenía ese poder de hacerte creer todo lo que quería. It’s not your fault, though. Don’t blame yourself for believing his lies.

Don’t blame yourself por no haber visto antes lo que realmente estaba pasando. No había ninguna posibilidad de que lo hubieras visto venir.

Even if you did, even if you knew what was going on, you couldn’t break free that easily.

Te mentirías a ti mismo diciéndote que cambiaría, que sólo era una fase.

Y habrías tenido razón porque tuvo fases en las que fue el mejor hombre que podrías haber deseado.

His behavior was hot ‘n’ cold. He twisted you around his little finger and you responded the way he wanted you to respond. That’s called being a manipulative bastard.

You couldn’t leave just like that.

There is something addictive in these relationships. Even though you wanted out, you somehow stayed. It’s like you couldn’t leave him, like something was pulling you back to him.

Well, it wasn’t love for sure, it was an addiction. You are well aware that if you had left, you would have been alone.

Y de alguna manera retorcida, querías quedarte con él porque te daba seguridad.

Estar en una relación con él era algo que conocías, algo que te resultaba familiar.

And due to that emotional state he had put you in, you didn’t want to leave for the unknown or leave this relationship.

Lo más importante de todo es que te asustaste.

Tenías miedo de dejarlo, you were scared for your life. He threatened you, not just once, and you really didn’t have the courage to take the next step and leave.

Si tuvieras que tomar una decisión, preferirías haber estado en una relación abusiva que liberarte de una, porque tenías miedo de él y de lo que podría haberte hecho.

But, in the end, he brought you to the point where you didn’t even care for your own life anymore.

You didn’t care if you were going to live or die, as long as this suffering was over, so you left.

De alguna manera encontraste ese valor extra que tenías escondido en algún lugar profundo dentro de ti y lo usaste.

Not because you knew you were strong and you were going to use that strength to escape, but because you didn’t care anymore for anything, not even yourself.

En ese proceso de no importarte nada, creciste. Accidentalmente encontraste esa fuerza y la usaste y te diste cuenta de que valías algo.

Te diste cuenta de que eras fuerte y de que eras capaz de controlar tu propia vida. Now that you’re gone from his abusive grip, you are collecting yourself.

You’re picking up your broken pieces – not the pieces of your heart, but the pieces of your soul and your mind, too.

But that doesn’t matter to you so much because you are finally at peace and maybe even ready to love again.

And loving someone else after what you’ve been through is not an easy game.

You’ll have to take a lot of challenges and you’ll have to face things which make you shiver, things that you are still afraid of.

Te juzgas a ti mismo con demasiada dureza

You have to understand that it’s not your fault for going through all of this. No ganarás nada juzgándote a ti mismo and asking yourself why you didn’t escape earlier.

Lo que ocurre es que la gente suele tratarnos como nos tratamos a nosotros mismos. Así que, mientras te culpes por todo lo que te ha pasado, la gente lo verá.

They will sense that you don’t respect or love yourself and no one will be able to love you back.

Cuando te tratas mal, te estás abandonando. Tienes que aprender a no hacerlo.

Una vez que lo hagas, atraerás a otras personas cariñosas y dignas de confianza.

Tienes que dejar que te hable

Talking is an essential key to every happy relationship. It’s impossible to develop trust if you don’t talk to each other.

It’s important to let him know what you’ve been through.

Let him know you’re still healing and that you’re scared of opening your heart to him – you’re scared of getting hurt again.

Explícale cómo te sentías en tu relación abusiva. Dile que tu autoestima está casi por los suelos y que necesitas tiempo para poder confiar en nadie, ni siquiera en él.

Tienes miedo de ser gaslighted

This is something you’ve experienced on a daily basis. He made you believe in things that never happened.

Te hizo creer que estabas loco. Este es un ejemplo clásico de manipulación.

Ahora, crees que está pasando lo mismo con este nuevo tipo.

If you’re scared that you are about to experience the same old thing, don’t shut down. Talk to him, explain how you’re feeling.

Dile lo que te hizo el último hombre con el que saliste. Dile cómo te hizo sentir.

Tell him you’re scared he is doing the same thing as the last one. Don’t assume you’re being paranoid.

Respond to your worries and face him. If he shows empathy, and if he listens to your problems, you’ve got nothing to be afraid of.

Analizarás demasiado las cosas

Dudarás de todo lo que haga. Te tratará como realmente te mereces y eso te resultará demasiado extraño. No estás acostumbrada a que te traten así.

No está acostumbrado a recibir un mensaje de buenos días o a que le lleven flores a su lugar de trabajo. No está acostumbrado a recibir una visita sorpresa para saber cómo se encuentra.

You’ll probably think he’s smothering you or that he’s being too pushy and you’re going to back down and shut him out to analyze why he is doing all of these things for you.

Is he trying to lure you into his trap only to show his real face later on? You’ll have a ton of questions like this, but stay focused.

Don’t let your bad experience ruin your chance for happiness.

Te disculparás todo el tiempo

El que te hizo luz de gas te enseñó a hacer eso. Te convirtió en una marioneta perfecta, pequeña y obediente. Todo era culpa tuya y tenías que reconocerlo.

You had to admit you were the one to blame or all hell would break loose. So, you apologized for things you did and didn’t do to protect yourself.

You’re doing the same thing all over again, but this time you don’t have to do it. He doesn’t want you to apologize all the time.

He is telling you it’s not your fault and that it’s okay.