Que no te pegue no significa que no sea abusivo.

When we love someone, I think it’s easy to close our eyes to the parts of them we don’t like or the parts we know aren’t perfect—the parts which don’t fit with our idea of what we believe them to be.

It’s easy to tell ourselves, ‘He was just having a bad day’, ‘It was my fault’, ‘I was in the wrong.’ Because that’s easier, isn’t it? To punish ourselves, to take their bad behavior and claim it as our own.

It’s easier to be the one in the wrong than to accept that the one person who is meant to protect, love and cherish us, is the one pulling us apart.

Pero una chica adorable, it isn’t your fault...nada de eso lo es. Verás, just because he isn’t hitting you, doesn’t mean it isn’t abusive behavior.

If he isn’t listening when you try to speak to him about something which is hurting you or making you uncomfortable, it’s abuse.

If he is getting angry and calling you crazy when you tell him that seeing his flirtatious comments on other girls’ social media photos is upsetting you, it’s abuse.

If he is telling you that the behavior you have seen between him and other females is “All in your head”, that you, “Imagined it”, that you are, “So insecure and jealous,” you can’t trust him, it’s abuse.

Si todas las discusiones que has tenido acaban siendo culpa tuya, si te preguntas si realmente estás loco, si en realidad tienes problemas muy arraigados y necesitas terapia, si siempre vuelves a creer que tú causaste la discusión y que eres la razón por la que tu relación se está desmoronando, estás sufriendo maltrato emocional.

Porque no todos los moratones son físicos, pero duelen igual.

So please listen when I tell you that it’s absolutely okay to be upset if he is disrespecting you and your relationship.

Está justificado que te enfrentes a él si crees que está siendo inapropiado con otras mujeres.

You are entitled to speak up when you feel as if you aren’t getting the same amount out of your relationship as you put in. You are allowed to be upset if he likes other girls’ half-naked photos.

You are allowed to ask him about that girl who keeps texting him. You are allowed to talk about the things that make you feel insecure or jealous or out of your depth. It doesn’t make you crazy or irrational or overly-emotional. It doesn’t mean you have ‘serious issues’ or an inability to trust.

It just means you are human, you have feelings, you have experiences, which means that sometimes you feel anxious, sometimes you worry you might lose someone, sometimes you feel like you aren’t good enough.

But that doesn’t mean it’s true. It doesn’t mean you should be silenced.

Porque si alguien te quiere, te quiere a todos.

Aman las partes de ti que tienen miedo, las partes de ti que se cuestionan y se preocupan y se sienten ansiosas.

Te escuchan cuando necesitas hablar, cuando necesitas que te aclaren las cosas, que te tranquilicen y que te quieran.

Te dan la oportunidad de hablar, de sentirte libre, de sentirte escuchado. Siempre se aseguran de que su comportamiento nunca traspase la línea, siempre actúan de forma que te hagan sentir querida, segura, deseada.

Siempre están dispuestos a escucharte, a comprenderte, a apoyarte. Siempre ponen exactamente lo mismo que tú.

Porque las relaciones son una calle de doble sentido, consisten en dar y recibir, escuchar y hablar.

And any relationship that involves one person shutting another down when they raise a topic which is a little sensitive isn’t a loving one.

A relationship where one person constantly feels unheard, neglected and small isn’t a respectful one.

A relationship where one person is always afraid of opening their mouth, of asking for more, asking for better, asking for what they deserve, isn’t really a relationship at all.

It’s emotional abuse.