7 trucos sencillos para mantener siempre la conversación con él

One of the most uncomfortable things you can face when meeting a new guy is an awkward silence. There is nothing that terrifies you more. Sometimes, you’ll actually avoid meeting anyone new for a while, as you’re so scared of running out of things to say.

Don’t worry, you’re not alone in this. There are so many of us who are terrified of running out of things to say, or even worse, saying the wrong thing due to self-inflicted pressure and making a fool of yourself. That is no way to leave a good impression.

I used to be convinced that there was something wrong with me for just not being able to find the right words at the right time and ruining a potentially good thing. But what I’ve come to realize is that there is a solution to every problem—as is the case with this!

Todo el mundo se enfrenta a silencios incómodos y busca ese gran tema de conversación, pero no muchos lo consiguen. Pero tú puedes tenerlo. Hay una forma de solucionarlo. Ten paciencia.

No saber qué decir puede perjudicar seriamente tu vida social y tus perspectivas de citas futuras. Pero una vez que aprendas a mantener una conversación fluida en cualquier momento, enriquecerás tu vida social, aumentarás la confianza en ti mismo y, probablemente, ¡encontrarás una nueva pareja romántica más pronto que tarde!

En primer lugar, tienes que saber qué es lo que te hace quedarte sin cosas que decir.

After researching this thoroughly, I’ve come to see that it’s not a lack of things to say that is harming your conversational skills, it’s the things you are miedo de decir...porque hay un filtro dentro de ti que te impide decirlas. Tiene sentido, ¿eh?

Lo que haces es que, inconscientemente, lo compruebas todo primero contigo mismo, asegurándote de que lo que quieres decir es genial, interesante e impresionante y que realmente merece la pena decirlo. ¿Y cómo afecta eso a tus habilidades conversacionales? Las mata.

By not allowing yourself to be spontaneous and always thinking twice before saying something, because you don’t want him to think you’re ignorant, you’re ruining the natural flow and progression of the conversation.

Think about it.; how many times have you stopped yourself from saying something that is really totally okay and harmless but you just weren’t 100% sure of it, so you held back.

Stop doing that. Let yourself say whatever comes to your mind, because if you keep filtering yourself, he is never going to get to know the real you. And what’s the point in that?

Otra cosa que causa problemas es que no seas capaz de desconectar del todo de las cosas relacionadas con el trabajo o de las cosas que te molestan ese día. Cuando tienes algo en mente todo el tiempo y no estás dispuesto a dejarlo ir, siempre va a rondar en tu cabeza y crear una distracción para disfrutar plenamente de las cosas y dejarte ir.

If you’ve had a difficult day at work, or somebody is annoying you, deal with it in due time, so that when it’s time for your date or a social gathering, you can be fully invested and without any unnecessary diversions.

Puede que todo esto le parezca demasiado para asumirlo ahora mismo, pero después de leer detenidamente las siguientes 7 soluciones a su problema, ¡le resultará mucho más fácil adaptarse y mejorar sustancialmente sus habilidades conversacionales!

1. Sometimes, you’re just not compatible conversationally and that’s okay

Sometimes in life, there is just no chemistry between two people and there’s no point in forcing something that feels wrong. The same goes for making the conversation flow.

Cuando se reúna el hombre adecuado, you will feel that chemistry and you’ll also know when you have to fake it, which is a red flag from the get-go. So, first make sure that you have that click with him that makes it worth going through all this trouble to make a good conversation with him.

If there is no conversational chemistry, you probably won’t be compatible in other ways either.

As you go through the dating process, you will run into all kinds of guys and not all experiences will be the same. Some will be worth the trouble, others not, and that’s all okay. You learn from experience, so never let bad dates discourage you from trying again.

En lugar de centrarte en todas esas citas en las que la conversación fue árida y no había nada que valiera la pena decir, céntrate en todas aquellas en las que la conversación fluyó.

When you realize that with some guys, it’s just not going to work, you’re making it easier on yourself when you go back on the market. When there’s no chemistry, don’t force it. With the right guy, you won’t have to try that hard.

2. Aprender a escuchar

This is what most people can’t quite grasp. The majority of a conversation is done by simply listening!

La mayoría de las mujeres se centran en lo que no deben. Todas intentan pensar en cosas que deberían decir, en lugar de aprender a escuchar a su pareja y dejar que sea eso lo que impulse la conversación.

Asking questions is a great way to start up a dialogue. Avoid questions that can simply be answered by ‘yes’ or ‘no’, and ask those intriguing ones that will make him talk a little more in depth.

Hágale preguntas sobre sus pasiones, pregúntele qué le hace levantarse por las mañanas. Pregúntele por su infancia y su vida familiar. Intenta que hable de su lado más íntimo, eso hará que la conversación fluya sin problemas pero también os ayudará a conectar a un nivel más profundo y a conoceros más personalmente.

While questions are a really good way to tickle his fancy and ignite a quality conversation, make sure you don’t come off too interrogative.

You don’t want him to feel like he’s being interrogated for the role of your husband, by prying too much too soon.

Know your boundaries and leave those most personal and intimate questions for a later time when you’re at that level of comfort with each other.

Relacionado: ¿Cómo es la química para un hombre? Una visión completa

3. Don’t let the silence scare you too much

Know that not every single moment has to be filled with words. There is no rule saying that you can’t be quiet for a few seconds. Nobody will think less of you and chances are he’s feeling the exact same pressure as you are.

So, relax and realize that it’s not as big of a deal as you’re making it out to be. There are so many little ways how you can fill those few seconds when you don’t have anything smart to say.

Puede tomarse su tiempo para masticar la comida (de todas formas, a nadie le parece atractivo que uno hable con la boca llena) o dar un sorbo a su bebida y luego servirse un poco más. Dale un segundo para que se le ocurra qué decir; nadie tiene lo correcto preparado para decir en todo momento de todos modos.

Let him do the talking sometimes. When you’re so focused on trying to think of witty things to say, you are denying him the opportunity to actually say something meaningful and nobody likes being interrupted.

Así que escucha más y habla menos. A veces, eso es todo lo que hace falta.

4. Repite lo último que dijo

This is a great way to keep the conversation going when there’s a lull, and you just can’t take it—repeat his last statement!

If you’re at a loss for words and you’re struggling to keep it going, resort to this. Repeating the last phrase someone has said will very likely make him keep going, as he will take it as a nudge that you’re interested in what he has to say and continue talking about it.

And if he’s a talkative person by nature, you’re in luck. He probably won’t even need that nudge to keep at it but you can use it for just in case.

So if he says something like, “So as I was walking away from the scene, this guy, dressed as a clown, just jumped in front of me, out of nowhere, screamed, and then vanished in the fog…’’ then you just need to say, “A clown jumped in front you out of nowhere?!’’ and it will keep him going and explaining the story further.

Other than making him keep talking and avoiding awkward silences, it will also show him that you are listening to what he has to say and that you are interested in hearing it. So, it’s a win-win.

5. Hacer más preguntas, en función de sus respuestas

 

This is a great follow-up to the last one. When he gives you an answer to one question, use it as an example of what to ask next. It’s a proven way to keep him going without having to intervene too much.

If he’s telling you a story and he seems to be nearing the end, just ask him about the last thing he said in the story. Make him elaborate, be interested in how things might have turned out had he not done that certain thing.

He won’t even realize that you’re letting him do most of the talking, without sharing too much yourself. He will see that you are involved in the conversation but won’t realize that he’s the one doing most of the talking!

It’s a really genius way to keep things interesting, don’t you think?

You’re letting him talk about himself (men love that) and are therefore making him happy. At the same time, you’re getting to know so much about him and the date is going smoothly!

And when he finally has nothing left to say, you’ll have plenty, as you were so busy being the great listener that you are. So you really can’t go wrong with this method!

Genio, lo sé.

6. Hazlo lo más divertido posible

A veces, las conversaciones necesitan un poco de picante. Así que añadir el factor diversión hará que sea mucho más interesante para los dos.

Juega un poco. Hazle preguntas hipotéticas como:

· If you were forced to eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?
· If you just won the lottery, what would be the first thing you’d spend the money on?
· If you were president for a week, which changes would you implement, if any?

You can even openly just tell him how much you love playing fun games and suggest playing ‘¿prefieres?’ or ’21 questions’.

¿Quién diría que no? Además de garantizar un buen rato de calidad juntos, sin pausas incómodas, también os permitirá divertiros el uno con el otro, estar en un ambiente relajado y reíros.

It’s a major win! I honestly don’t know what you’re waiting for! Who doesn’t want to spend a whole date laughing with a guy? It will enhance the chances of a second date and deepen the chemistry that you’re already feeling.

Y lo bueno es que ninguna de esas preguntas es de carácter serio o interrogativo, así que ninguno de los dos se sentirá presionado para responderlas.

Están hechos simplemente para animar el ambiente y hacer que os sintáis lo más cómodos posible el uno con el otro. Puede resultar en una sensación realmente agradable sobre la fecha después y crear una gran conversación. ¡Bien!

7. Elogiarle siempre es una ventaja

Si el chico parece un poco incómodo y nervioso al principio, ¡hazle un cumplido! Además de hacerle sentirse bien consigo mismo, será una buena manera de romper el hielo.

Me parece que se hace tanto hincapié en que los hombres hagan cumplidos a las mujeres (pero sin cruzar ninguna línea de comportamiento normal y aceptable) y no hay suficientes mujeres que hagan cumplidos a los hombres.

A los hombres también les gusta oír que están guapos. Al fin y al cabo, son humanos. Por muy agradable que sea escuchar un cumplido suyo, asegúrate de devolverle el favor y hazle saber lo bien que está y lo bien que huele. Aumentará su confianza y le resultará más fácil entablar una conversación.

Los cumplidos pueden llegar muy lejos, te lo aseguro.

Aligerará inmediatamente el ambiente, probablemente os hará soltar alguna risita (¡lo cual es muy bonito y adorable, para los dos!) y os facilitará la conversación.

También puedes felicitarle por el restaurante que ha elegido, decirle lo buena que es la comida o simplemente elogiar sus modales y su amabilidad. No hay forma de equivocarse con ninguno de ellos.

Now that we’ve covered what you SHOULD do to keep the conversation going, let’s quickly revise what you SHOULDN’T do.

En primer lugar, nunca debes hablar de tu ex.

While this seems like an obvious thing to say, you’d be stunned at how many people still choose to mention their exes on dates.

Sure, it’s cool to bring it up after having been on at least a few dates but when you’re just getting to know each other, steer clear of the ex-files.

No guy likes to hear about the guys you slept with before him, when he’s trying to woo you!

As innocent as it may seem, always stop yourself and say something else instead. It just won’t leave a good impression on your date, trust me—and thank me later.

Don’t talk about money, either.

Another useful tip: don’t mention money. Never ask him how much he makes and don’t mention your financial situation.

Son cosas que deberías discutir más adelante, cuando las cosas se pongan más serias. Pero por ahora, no te compliques.

Nobody likes to talk about money on first dates; it ruins the mood and gives him the wrong impression. And if you’re only looking to salir con tipos de cierto éxito financiero, you’re in it for the wrong reason.

Get to know the guy first and decide if you like him as a person. What he makes really shouldn’t be a factor in whether or not you continue dating him but hey, to each their own!

Manténgase alejado de la política.

If you’re very politically oriented and you have strong opinions, that’s all good but save that for your friends. Don’t rant to a guy you just met at a bar.

That is too heavy a subject for getting to know one another and it’s too intense. Focus on other stuff and wait for at least three or four dates before getting all political. And even then, don’t unload it all on him at once.

Pasitos de bebé, como se suele decir. Inicie la conversación y vea cómo responde. Su reacción te dirá si debes abandonar el tema o seguir adelante.