Carta abierta de la chica que decidió seguir adelante

So, yet another letter from an abandoned girl. But I promise you, this time it’s not a sad letter. In this letter, I won’t curse fate or my destiny or even my bad luck with men. I won’t cry my heart out.

This is a different kind of letter and it’s a different story.

La historia es la siguiente:

Me enamoré de un tipo.

I didn’t just fall for him, I was made to believe that it was mutual. There were clear and signos evidentes de atracción.

Las chispas que surgían entre nosotros eran imposibles de ignorar o fingir. Fuimos paso a paso y nada parecía precipitado.

Me hizo creer que íbamos a alguna parte.

Never for a moment did I feel like we were stuck. Our random texting was replaced with long, deep conversations and then it all moved to late-night talks about literally everything. From just casual going out to going out together, it was only the two of us running away from everyone just so we’d have time for ourselves.

Cada paso que dábamos, cada momento que pasábamos juntos, cada caricia que sentíamos, todo era una promesa silenciosa de que algo mejor, más grande y más serio se dirigía hacia nosotros.

Estaba listo para el siguiente paso.

Todo lo que pasamos me hizo sentir preparada y segura de nuestro futuro juntos. Señales quiere algo serio estaban escritas por todas partes.

And honestly, I wanted it too. I thought it was finally time I stopped wandering around and committed myself to a single person. It felt cozy with him, it felt good. I could picture us together in life, holding each other’s hands as we fought all the battles destiny threw at us.

While I couldn’t have been more sure about us, he couldn’t have been more scared.

Honestly, I don’t know if it was fear of commitment or just his decision to keep his options open.

After all that we shared together, he told me how he wasn’t really ready for anything serious. He wasn’t looking for anything that he could sink his teeth into.

He wasn’t interested in anything that would demand a lot of time, effort and communication from him. He didn’t really want to be in a relationship, including with me.

Lo que más me escocía era el hecho de que realmente quería todas esas cosas de él. Quería algo serio.

I was interested in giving him my time and efforts and devoting myself to our relationship. I really wanted us to be in a place to which he said a firm ‘no’ and that’s what hurt me the most.

When he said he wasn’t interested in moving on I was caught off guard. I didn’t see that coming. There were no telltale signs, there was nothing to give me a hint of this outcome. Actually, everything I saw was directing me toward something completely opposite.

I guess I was wrong. I was so easily deceived and I let my assumptions get the best of me. The worst part is, I’d still do everything the same if I could turn back time. I can’t help it.

Honestly, I don’t like how things ended and I do wish for something different but I’m going to have to respect his decision.

Tenía tantas esperanzas y creía tanto en nosotros que sólo acabé recibiendo frialdad en lugar del amor que creía merecer. Me dejé llevar tanto por mis sentimientos que nunca pensé que existiera la posibilidad de un resultado diferente.

Mientras yo daba un salto de fe hacia la oficialidad, él se acobardaba. Mientras yo estaba lista para zarpar, él prefirió quedarse en el puerto.

Y lo que más me impresiona es la sensación de que todo lo que habíamos vivido antes había sido en vano. Los momentos que yo veía como unos de los más felices que había vivido en mi vida resultaron ser mentira. Sólo había sido dándome largas.

No tengo ni idea de por qué nos hizo vivir todo eso sólo para quitármelo. Solo para destrozarlo todo y decirme que nada de eso era real.

Be that as it may, I decided I’m going to move on.

I don’t want to force things. I don’t want a relationship I’ll have to beg for. I don’t want a guy if I have to beg him to choose me. And I don’t want to stay undefined either. It’s way more humiliating than I can take. And it’s more painful than moving on.

I’m choosing to love everything we should’ve been, but I’m also accepting that it won’t happen.

I’m a grown-up girl and despite the pain I’m feeling, I won’t allow it to get the best of me. Despite my desires, I know that we don’t always get the things in life that we want and that’s okay.

I’m ready to accept that life won’t give me the person I want the most. I’m accepting that we’re only going to stay an unlived dream, an opportunity that never came to see the light of day.

I’m choosing to keep in my mind all our memories but I’m accepting that there won’t be any new ones.

In other words, I’m choosing to leave us in the past. But I’m choosing to look back at the past and be grateful for all the happy moments we shared instead of looking at it with a bitter taste in my mouth.

Sometimes, the things that could’ve been and should’ve been don’t really happen.

That’s when you need to choose to search for your own happiness and find love in some other place and accept that sometimes we all sail into our lives having to leave some people behind in the harbor and choose to move on.