Si me hubieras amado de verdad, no me habrías hecho sentir que no era lo suficientemente buena

Just because you walked away, it doesn’t mean my pain is gone too. It doesn’t mean that by walking away you erased all my feelings toward you or that you’ve been able to delete all the memories I have.

To be honest, I have no idea if I felt more down when we dated or now that you’re gone. The worst part is that I’m not sure you deserve any of it because I never really knew how you felt about me.

Y aunque dijiste que era amor, tus acciones hablaban diferente.

For a long time, I thought we would make it if I did some things differently. But then when I think about what those things might have been, I can’t find an answer because I gave my all in.

I did everything I could and it still wasn’t enough. Not that that’s something new, as I have this feeling nada de lo que hice fue suficiente para ti.

And after all this time I wonder how it is possible that we didn’t make it, when I loved you so much. How is it possible that we didn’t make it when you said you loved me too?

But if you had truly loved me, why would you have made me feel like I wasn’t good enough?

No dejabas de compararme con los demás. You wanted me to be more like this or more like that. There were so many things you wanted from me and wanted me to change and I only wanted one thing from you—to love me for who I was.

Pero nunca me quisiste de verdad porque nunca me aceptaste de verdad por lo que era. Nunca quisiste que fuera quien realmente era, siempre había algo en mí que te molestaba.

Por muchas cosas buenas que tuviéramos, seguías viendo sólo las malas.

No dejabas de sacar a relucir mis imperfecciones. I know, I’m far from perfect, but there is more to me than my imperfections. I’m not all imperfect, there are things I really love about myself.

Yo también tengo lados positivos y tengo más rasgos buenos que malos. Pero tú nunca fuiste capaz de ver los buenos porque sólo te centraste en los malos.

After a while, I started seeing myself through your eyes and I too didn’t like what I saw.

You kept making expectations that I couldn’t reach. Nunca me diste nada a cambio, pero querías que hiciera todo lo que me pedías.

Whenever you didn’t like something about me, you asked me to change it. If I changed it, you’d move to the next thing that bothered you about me and if I didn’t, you kept complaining about it until I too started to hate it as well.

Me costó mucho seguirte el ritmo y lo intenté con todas mis fuerzas porque te quería.

Por otro lado, nunca me hiciste un hueco en tu vida. I never knew where I stood with you. And that’s something no one should experience in love.

Nadie debería preguntarse nunca qué lugar ocupa en la vida de la persona a la que ama. Y ahí estaba yo, llena de amor por ti, pero sin ninguna promesa de futuro ni siquiera de que mi amor fuera correspondido.

I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was me and that I wasn’t good enough for you. I couldn’t see myself with you when you never gave me a glimpse of hope, not a single kind gesture that would tell me that you found me worthy of my love.

All I could think of was how I couldn’t get anything right. And for so long I wondered how I got there and what was wrong until I finally realized that you weren’t ready to settle.

Nunca estuviste realmente preparado para dejar la persecución y estar satisfecho con una sola chica. La posibilidad de que hubiera alguien mejor ahí fuera y de que te estuvieras conformando con menos seguía atormentándote.

También estabas lejos de ser perfecto, pero supongo que tenías un narcisista muy bien disimulado en tu interior. Y esta parte fuerte de ti nunca pudo realmente conformarse, nunca quiso realmente conformarse.

I realized it wasn’t me and that it was anything too much wrong with me. No girl could ever be good enough for you because that’s just who you are.

Pasar constantemente de una persona a otra, pero nunca poder estar satisfecho con uno mismo o con el lugar en el que uno se encuentra.

You said you loved me, but now I know it wasn’t love. You might’ve loved the potential you saw in me, but that wasn’t true love. If it was, I wouldn’t have constantly felt like I was not good enough.

It wasn’t love because you’re too scared to love. And it’s not that I’m not good enough, it’s that no other could ever be good enough; after all, you never meant to stay to begin with.

So good luck with your chase for the perfect one, but I’m done mistaking what you gave me for love. I’m done bringing myself down because you couldn’t accept or love me for who I was.

Me quiero tal como soy, con todas mis imperfecciones y todos mis lados buenos, y sé que alguien también lo hará.