Así es como una mujer discapacitada puede encontrar el amor

Una de las mayores ideas falsas en lo que respecta a las personas con discapacidad es que no tenemos sentimientos o emociones, o que no entendemos el verdadero significado del amor o no queremos una pareja, cuando en realidad todos tenemos los mismos deseos que los demás.

Desde que tengo memoria, siempre había sido el romántico empedernido desde muy joven. Desde los 14 años, siempre me imaginé casándome en las Smoky Mountains de Tennessee, en una pequeña cabaña con todos mis amigos y familiares, mientras caminaba hacia mi marido en mi andador LiteGait morado.

When it comes to being single with a disability, it could be challenging because you have all these wants and desires when it comes to finding a partner. Some people in society see a disability such as Cerebral Palsy as a negative thing and not something unique. When I was single four years ago, I was talking to a young man who had an issue with me having Cerebral Palsy. He said, “Tylia, you are a beautiful girl, but you are in a wheelchair. It would be different if you were not in a wheelchair, but since you are, I would much rather be friends than anything else.”

Durante un tiempo, eso me molestó porque era todo lo que había estado buscando y teníamos los mismos intereses, pero mi discapacidad era un obstáculo para él, así que no iba a perder el tiempo con él.

En lo que respecta a mi soltería, tienes que aceptar mi parálisis cerebral. Si estamos hablando y potencialmente vamos a tener una relación, tienes que aceptarme por lo que soy y quererme por mi interior y no por mi exterior. La parálisis cerebral es lo que me hace bella y nunca va a desaparecer, así que más vale que lo aceptes, y si no, ha sido un placer conocerte y te agradezco la experiencia. Siendo soltera con una discapacidad, creo que antes de plantearte ir en busca del amor, ya deberías estar enamorada de ti misma. Abraza tu cuerpo for the beautiful person that you are as a woman and say, ‘I am me and I love myself’.

The most important thing when it comes to finding love with a disability is to be open and honest about it— do not hide it. For example, four years ago, before meeting my current boyfriend, I created dating profiles on OkCupid and MeetMe.

Pondría una foto mía de perfil sentada en una silla de ruedas donde se notara porque estoy orgullosa de mi condición y de la vida que he tenido gracias a mi situación. Las experiencias vitales que puedo compartir con la gente son increíbles.

La razón por la que digo que seas sincero sobre tu discapacidad cuando entres en sitios de citas es que quieres demostrar a tu posible pareja que estás orgulloso de quién eres y de la persona en la que te has convertido gracias a tu enfermedad.

The next thing I want to say about being a single woman with a condition such as Cerebral Palsy is that you should not just settle for anything that comes your way; take your time to enjoy single life as a woman with a disability and don’t rush into a relationship right away.

Take your time to explore the world for what it is. As a woman with a disability, I know it can be challenging to be single, especially when you see your friends in relationships and happy with their partners but you have to remember to be patient and to not settle for any man or woman who comes into your life because they may not be the right one or the one you are looking for after all. I have been in several situations where I started talking to a young man just because I hated the fact I was single, when I should not have—I should have let time and destiny take their course. When it comes to finding your perfect match, time is key to everything that happens in life.

Also, when you are single, you should take the time to discover who you are as a person and what you need in a partner versus what you want—for example, I am the type of girl who needs a partner who is ambitious, compassionate, and understanding, a world traveler who brings me inspiration and motivation and who has a great family support system.

What attracted me the most to my boyfriend, when we first started talking online four years ago, was the fact that he was full of motivation and he was ambitious. Despite our similar struggles, he was such a bright person, inside and out, and he was such a positive person, which is something that is very important when it comes to talking to a potential partner with a disability. If that person is not confident and doesn’t have the same views as you do then maybe it is best that you stop talking to them or stop pursuing a relationship with them because eventually they will drag you down with them. You may start to have the same mindset as them and you will never grow together. The way I look at it is if you are talking to somebody and you are single, and you are getting to know them, if you do not see them as being a potential partner who can help you grow in life then you should put them in the friendzone. When it comes to being single with a disability and looking for a partner, you have to set boundaries on what you want, and you have to make it clear to your potential partner that you will not accept certain behaviors and habits and you need to have boundaries. I feel like when it comes to being single and you begin to put yourself out there, it is essential that you set limits for yourself because then that gives you an idea of what you are looking for as the strong independent woman that you are. Even with a disability, whether it be Cerebral Palsy, autism spina bifida, or muscular dystrophy, you have to set boundaries and you have to be clear on what you want, or else you will be confused in the long run.

Ponerte límites a ti mismo puede permitirte ver lo que quieres en un compañero frente a lo que no deseas ver en una pareja. Lo primero que suelo hacer cuando empiezo a hablar con un joven es hacer una lista de pros y contras. Puedes ordenar las buenas cualidades de la persona que potencialmente va a estar en una relación con al lado de la mala y si hay demasiadas cosas malas, entonces usted puede ponerlos en el friend.zone.

Sin embargo, si no hay demasiadas cosas malas, entonces es una luz verde. Lo más importante que debes recordar cuando busques pareja con una discapacidad y estés listo para entrar en el mundo de las citas es aprender a abrazar tu cuerpo y quiérete a ti mismo because if you don’t love yourself, how can you expect others to fall in love with you? I hope this article helps any woman with a disability who is looking for love.

por Tylia Flores