Una carta de amor de tu novia que lucha contra la depresión
Mi amor,
I know you’ve been trying to understand me. I am so very thankful for that. But there are some things that I didn’t tell you because I thought that you’re going to be afraid of my emotions.
I really did think that you’ll get scared and run off. You’ve been brave until now; for sure it’s not easy to love a chica que lucha contra la depresión.
I must say that I’m impressed. My emotions don’t seem to affect you that much. The dark times I’ve been through you’ve mastered with ease and you stayed by my side. But here I am, completely revealing myself to you.
Sometimes, the weight of the world is a burden I can’t carry. Tengo miedo. Tengo miedo de dejarte de la forma más deshonrosa posible.
Life seems too cruel to actually carry on with it and there isn’t really a way I can handle it. That’s why I think about death so often. I don’t actually want to die. I just want the pain to end.
Quiero que mi mente se lo tome con calma y me dé un momento de paz. Up to now I haven’t been able to find a way to make it quieter. It sounds like thunder when all my thoughts gather up to destroy me.
My mind is my biggest enemy. It has drained me to the point where I can’t find the strength to stand up in the morning and go out into the world.
It has drained me to the point where my tears can’t seem to find the strength to flow, although they would really like to.
You’re not just dating me; you’re dating my depression, too.
It’s my fault. Everything is my fault. Estaba demasiado débil para luchar contra ello, pero prometo que seguiré haciéndolo, por los dos. Quiero salir de esto porque I’m afraid I might disappoint you.
I try to shut down my mind for just one moment of joy and most of the time I succeed, and I want to thank you for being there for me for all those times I couldn’t do so. I’m trying so hard not to disappoint you.
La depresión puede aparecer en mitad de una frase..., in the middle of a cheerful conversation. It doesn’t wait to find its place, but rather creates it. That’s what’s so scary about it. I don’t control my depression. It controls me.
I’m scared that you will one day hear the screaming in my mind that won’t let me have a moment of rest. Even silence feels like screaming. It’s creeping up on me and it’s crawling into my pores, finding its home there.
And you’re still here. You’re still by my side and you refuse to leave me on my own with this burden. You fight together with me. You were there for me to literally pick me up from the floor when I couldn’t get up on my feet.
You showed me that I didn’t have to be afraid or ashamed because I needed reassurance and you never showed me that I was a burden to you. You loved me. You love me. You will love me.
Quiero decir que lo siento. I’m truly sorry for all those nights I spent crying and all those days I couldn’t get out of bed. I’m sorry for that time I was screaming and begging you to leave because it hurt me too much to see you suffer by my side.
I want you to be happy, but you say that you’re finding happiness when you’re with me. Somehow, I can’t quite believe that, but you still hold on. You hold on to me and my dark thoughts. I am so extremely thankful.
I would like to say that I don’t need you to save me, but sometimes I can’t do it all on my own. Although I can’t stand the sad look on your face that breaks me even more, I really do love it when you stay by my side through the hard times.
You try to stay positive for me, but I can see that it’s hard to love a girl with depression, although you say it’s not a big deal.
My imperfections (to say the least) don’t seem to scare you and you still find reasons to love me. Isn’t that what we’re all about? To love no matter how scary it may be. I’m afraid to lose you, but I still want to love you fully.
Para terminar esta carta, quiero decirte que te quiero. I’m going to be OK one day and we’ll be a happy little family, but until then, please hold my broken pieces for the time being.
Aférrate a ellos y ayúdame a convertirlos en un todo de nuevo. Podemos hacerlo.
Gracias, señor.
Te quiero.
Tu chica deprimida
