La tentación de la fruta prohibida en los matrimonios - Cómo surgen los amoríos

¿Sabes qué es lo que puede hacer que cualquier hombre o mujer sienta la tentación de tomar decisiones impulsivas?

What’s one thing that can make you forget to be grateful for what you have and become thirsty for something new? It’s el atractivo de la fruta prohibida.

When two people decide to marry, they don’t think about anything else but making each other happy. They can’t wait to spend more time together, (eventually) have kids (or not), and connect on a deeper level.

El matrimonio es una de las cosas más hermosas del mundo, porque te da la sensación de pertenecer a algo, de que te cuidan y de que eres uno con tu pareja.

Sin embargo, cada matrimonio tiene sus altibajos. The lure of forbidden fruit doesn’t strike you overnight.

There’s something that triggers partners to start thinking about alternatives and finding happiness someplace else.

There’s something that makes partners choose to have a secret affair instead of salvar su matrimonio.

¿Por qué se producen las aventuras en los matrimonios?

¿Por qué las parejas casadas deciden engañar a su cónyuge en un momento dado? ¿Qué es lo que les lleva a hacerlo? ¿O hay más cosas que les motivan a buscar un romance alternativo?

Una de las principales razones por las que se producen las aventuras en los matrimonios es cuando uno de los cónyuges (o ambos) empiezan a tener carencias en su matrimonio sin decírselo al otro.

También podemos relacionarlo con la falta de una comunicación sana.

Hay muchos factores que pueden influir en un matrimonio y convertirlo en una pesadilla, y algunos de ellos son: los horarios agitados, la falta de tiempo que pasan juntos y la falta de esfuerzo en el matrimonio.

Once a marriage no longer provides certain elements that are crucial for every spouse’s happiness, they decide to find these elements someplace else.

Ahora, la verdadera pregunta es: Why don’t spouses choose to fight for their marriage instead and talk to their partner about it?

No puedo darle la respuesta correcta a esta pregunta porque varía de una persona a otra.

What I can tell you is that a possible reason why spouses avoid talking to their partner about what’s missing in their relationship is because they want to avoid conflicts.

Here’s the thing with marriages. For as long as you refuse to acknowledge that you have a problem in the marriage, everything is perfect.

Yup, everything is perfect, but only on the surface. If you scratch the surface, then you’ll notice how everything starts melting and showing its true colors.

Still, there are also spouses who talk, but their significant other doesn’t listen or doesn’t want to understand the seriousness of the situation they’re in.

Chocante, pero cierto: Las aventuras también ocurren en los matrimonios felices.

Let’s imagine a couple that has everything needed for a decent life and a happy marriage.

Son económicamente estables, cuentan con el apoyo de sus familias, se respetan, se complementan, etc.

Entonces, ¿qué motivaría a uno de ellos a elegir empezar a buscar una aventura secreta? I’ll give you some time to guess for yourself. The answer is: Algo DIFERENTE.

Podéis ser la pareja más rica del mundo, con los mejores trabajos y la casa más grande, y estar bendecidos con un amor incondicional, pero todo esto no significa nada cuando uno de los miembros de la pareja decide que quiere algo diferente a eso.

That ‘different’ doesn’t have to be better or worse. What matters is that it’s different from what they have now in their marriage and in their life in general.

I’ve seen couples from happy marriages live together for years while both having secret lovers.

As a matter of fact, recently, one of the married guys texted me subtly asking whether I’m interested in “getting to know him better” (if you catch my drift).

Esto es lo que le dije: Por respeto a tu mujer y a un hijo, nunca tendría nada contigo.

He respected my decision and didn’t push things further. One more thing… I was really interested in why he would do such things behind his wife’s back, so I openly asked him about it.

Me dijo esto: Solía pensar que uno puede enamorarse de su cónyuge y ser feliz el resto de su vida con él. Now, I see that it is impossible because human beings are not meant to be in love with one person for the rest of their lives. It’s in their nature to always seek something different from what they have.

Me sorprendió mucho su respuesta y empecé a pensar que, después de todo, tal vez hubiera algo de verdad en ello.

Quizá la naturaleza del deseo humano de buscar variedad sea la culpable de que se busquen aventuras fuera del matrimonio.

Perhaps those spouses are still in love with each other, but they have to appease their human desire for variety in order to be completely happy in marriage. Hmm…

¿Está mal salir con un hombre o una mujer casados?

Here’s another question that is really difficult to answer, and it depends on different perspectives.

If you’re the one who is married, but enamorado de otra persona, chances are you don’t see it as something wrong (until your spouse finds out about it).

Uno de los mayores signs that you’re married, but in love with someone else es prestar más atención a la otra persona que a su cónyuge.

Now, do you think it’s okay toward your current partner to pay more attention to others than them? I’ll let you think about it.

Casi todos los asuntos secretos empiezan con amistades inapropiadas en el matrimonio. Puede tratarse de un compañero de trabajo, un chico/chica cualquiera que conociste en el gimnasio o similar.

Pronto, las amistades se convierten en algo más significativo y, antes de lo que imaginas, te encuentras teniendo una aventura.

There’s nothing wrong with having friends outside of marriage, but the problem arises when those friendships become more prioritized than the one you have with your spouse.

Let’s see things from other perspectives. Let’s say that un hombre casado está enamorado de ti. ¿A qué te dedicas?

Do you continue hanging out with him even though you know that he’s in love with you and he might want something more from you?

Do you tell him something similar to what I told that married guy I was talking about above? Do you tell him that he’s being disrespectful toward his wife and children?

Puedes decírselo o puedes seguir saliendo con él, pensando que te prioriza sobre su mujer.

I’m sorry to spoil this to you, but the chances of a married man leaving his wife because of su amante son realmente BAJAS, por no decir INEXISTENTES.

¿Por qué? Because the reason why he’s cheating on his wife in the first place is because he wants both to keep her and to experience something different – you.

Un hombre así nunca descartaría lo que tiene (su esposa) porque sabe que puede encontrar muchas mujeres diferentes por ahí fácilmente, pero no puede encontrar otra esposa tan fácilmente (por no hablar de la sensación de ser juzgado por la sociedad por dejar a su esposa).

That might sound harsh, but it’s the truth.

Lo mismo ocurre cuando se trata de salir con una mujer casada, but it’s slightly even worse in some aspects.

Dado que los hombres son excesivamente protectores con sus mujeres, piensa en lo que pasaría si su marido se enterara de tu aventura.

DESCARGO DE RESPONSABILIDAD: If you’re having an affair with a married woman/man, or you’re married, but in love with someone else, I’m not trying to judge you or prove to you that you’re wrong. I’m trying to understand you and put things in perspective.

“If it’s true that men and women can be ‘just friends’, then how come all cheaters first start out as ‘just friends?” – Oliver Markus Malloy

This is an interesting hypothesis. When it comes to marriages, there is a thin line between being ‘just friends’ with someone outside the marriage and gradually becoming something more than that.

Be it unhappy or happy, any marriage can be threatened by the lure of a forbidden fruit because it’s in our nature to keep seeking something different from what we have at the moment.

It’s in our nature to take things for granted and think that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

The only time we’ll learn to control ourselves is when we learn to detach from the sinful and irrational aspects of our nature.