Do you know what one thing is that can make any man or woman become tempted to make impulsive decisions?
What’s one thing that can make you forget to be grateful for what you have and become thirsty for something new? It’s the lure of forbidden fruit.
When two people decide to marry, they don’t think about anything else but making each other happy. They can’t wait to spend more time together, (eventually) have kids (or not), and connect on a deeper level.
Marriage is one of the most beautiful things in the world because it gives you the feeling of belonging, being cared for, and being one with your significant other.
Yet, every marriage comes with its own ups and downs. The lure of forbidden fruit doesn’t strike you overnight.
There’s something that triggers partners to start thinking about alternatives and finding happiness someplace else.
There’s something that makes partners choose to have a secret affair instead of saving their marriage.
Why do affairs happen in marriages?
Why do married partners choose to cheat on their spouse at one point? What is the one thing that triggers them to do so? Or, are there more things that motivate them to seek an alternative romance?
One of the main reasons why affairs happen in marriages is when a spouse (or both spouses) start lacking something in their marriage without telling the other.
We can connect this to lack of healthy communication as well.
There are many factors that can influence a marriage and turn it into a nightmare, and some of them are: hectic schedules, lack of time spent together, and lack of effort in marriage.
Once a marriage no longer provides certain elements that are crucial for every spouse’s happiness, they decide to find these elements someplace else.
Now, the real question is: Why don’t spouses choose to fight for their marriage instead and talk to their partner about it?
I cannot give you the right answer to this question because it varies from person to person.
What I can tell you is that a possible reason why spouses avoid talking to their partner about what’s missing in their relationship is because they want to avoid conflicts.
Here’s the thing with marriages. For as long as you refuse to acknowledge that you have a problem in the marriage, everything is perfect.
Yup, everything is perfect, but only on the surface. If you scratch the surface, then you’ll notice how everything starts melting and showing its true colors.
Still, there are also spouses who talk, but their significant other doesn’t listen or doesn’t want to understand the seriousness of the situation they’re in.
Shocking, but true: Affairs happen in happy marriages as well.
Let’s imagine a couple that has everything needed for a decent life and a happy marriage.
They are financially stable, they have support from their families, they respect each other, complement each other, and so on.
So, what would motivate one of them to choose to start seeking a secret affair? I’ll give you some time to guess for yourself. The answer is: Something DIFFERENT.
You could be the richest couple in the world with the best jobs and the biggest house, and be blessed with unconditional love, but all this means nothing when one partner decides that they want something different from that.
That ‘different’ doesn’t have to be better or worse. What matters is that it’s different from what they have now in their marriage and in their life in general.
I’ve seen couples from happy marriages live together for years while both having secret lovers.
As a matter of fact, recently, one of the married guys texted me subtly asking whether I’m interested in “getting to know him better” (if you catch my drift).
This is what I said to him: Out of respect for your wife and a child, I would never have anything with you.
He respected my decision and didn’t push things further. One more thing… I was really interested in why he would do such things behind his wife’s back, so I openly asked him about it.
He told me this: I used to think that you can fall in love with your spouse and be happy for the rest of your life with them. Now, I see that it is impossible because human beings are not meant to be in love with one person for the rest of their lives. It’s in their nature to always seek something different from what they have.
I was truly amazed by his answer, and I started thinking that maybe, there is some truth to it after all.
Perhaps the nature of human desire to seek variety is the one to blame for seeking affairs outside of marriage.
Perhaps those spouses are still in love with each other, but they have to appease their human desire for variety in order to be completely happy in marriage. Hmm…
Is it wrong to date a married man/woman?
Here’s another question that is really difficult to answer, and it depends on different perspectives.
If you’re the one who is married, but in love with someone else, chances are you don’t see it as something wrong (until your spouse finds out about it).
One of the biggest signs that you’re married, but in love with someone else is paying more attention to the other person than to your spouse.
Now, do you think it’s okay toward your current partner to pay more attention to others than them? I’ll let you think about it.
Almost every secret affair starts with inappropriate friendships in marriage. This could be your colleague, some random guy/girl you met at a gym, or similar.
Soon, friendships turn into something more meaningful, and sooner than you know, you find yourself having an affair.
There’s nothing wrong with having friends outside of marriage, but the problem arises when those friendships become more prioritized than the one you have with your spouse.
Let’s see things from other perspectives. Let’s say that a married man is in love with you. What do you do?
Do you continue hanging out with him even though you know that he’s in love with you and he might want something more from you?
Do you tell him something similar to what I told that married guy I was talking about above? Do you tell him that he’s being disrespectful toward his wife and children?
You can tell him that or you can continue hanging out with him, thinking that he prioritizes you over his wife.
I’m sorry to spoil this to you, but the chances of a married man leaving his wife because of his mistress are really LOW, if not NON-EXISTENT.
Why? Because the reason why he’s cheating on his wife in the first place is because he wants both to keep her and to experience something different – you.
Such a man would never discard what he has (his wife) because he knows that he can find plenty of different women out there easily, but he cannot find another wife that easily (not to mention the feeling of being judged by society for leaving his wife.)
That might sound harsh, but it’s the truth.
The same thing applies when it comes to dating a married woman, but it’s slightly even worse in some aspects.
Given that men are overly protective of their women, just think about what would happen if her husband found out about your affair.
DISCLAIMER: If you’re having an affair with a married woman/man, or you’re married, but in love with someone else, I’m not trying to judge you or prove to you that you’re wrong. I’m trying to understand you and put things in perspective.
“If it’s true that men and women can be ‘just friends’, then how come all cheaters first start out as ‘just friends?” – Oliver Markus Malloy
This is an interesting hypothesis. When it comes to marriages, there is a thin line between being ‘just friends’ with someone outside the marriage and gradually becoming something more than that.
Be it unhappy or happy, any marriage can be threatened by the lure of a forbidden fruit because it’s in our nature to keep seeking something different from what we have at the moment.
It’s in our nature to take things for granted and think that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.
The only time we’ll learn to control ourselves is when we learn to detach from the sinful and irrational aspects of our nature.