Controlar las emociones no significa evitarlas

Do you feel like lately, everything’s pushed into either one of two opposite extremes? It feels like there’s no middle ground.

Ya se trate de algo tan complejo como la política o tan sencillo como el maquillaje, siempre hay que elegir un bando.

There’s always the ‘right’ side or the right way to do something and then there’s the ‘wrong’ side and way.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t leave a lot of room for actual conversation and debate, since everyone is holding on to predefined rules so tightly.

This ‘either black or white’ method of living and perceiving the world around us has found its way into how we deal with our emotional life as well.

We feel pressured to either control ourself and always push ourself to the limit and ‘be the best version of ourself’ or to be spontaneous, show emotions and agree that we’re ‘enough as we are’.

Puede tener ambos

The truth is, you’re already the best version of yourself because every person is doing their best even in the moment when they’re thinking it’s ‘not enough’.

Even when you’re hurt and crying, even when you give in to self-destructive habits, you’re doing the best you can at that given movement and therefore, it’s enough.

I remember when my friend cheated on her then-boyfriend whom she wasn’t happy with.

Se sentía culpable por haberla engañado, pero al mismo tiempo, y sólo después de dejar que sus necesidades fueran satisfechas en otro lugar, también se dio cuenta por fin de que su relación no era suficiente para ella.

Now, I don’t endorse cheating as a way to fix your problems; in fact, I want to point out that there’s no need to complicate your life in such a way when you can let your needs be met in a much healthier way.

¿Y cómo se hace eso?

By listening to yourself. By letting yourself feel things… no matter how irrational you think it is… and then observing those emotions as if they were someone else’s.

To get in control of your emotions, you’ll first need to know what triggers them and that won’t happen if you keep on avoiding them.

I can guarantee you that after a real and honest venting, either on your own or to someone you trust, you’ll have a clearer view of the situation that upset you.

Permitirse sentir emociones, en lugar de ignorarlas y esconderlas bajo la alfombra, le ayudará en última instancia a estar en paz consigo mismo.

Cuando decidimos tener compasión de nosotros mismos y darnos tiempo, nuestras emociones se vuelven menos intensas.

Control isn’t about restriction, it’s about knowing what’s good for you and then having the discipline to practice whatever that is.

It’s not about punishing but self-compassion

If you’ve been hurt, I know your goal is not to be hurt again.

That doesn’t mean you need to shut off your emotions. It means you need to understand them, find the root of the feelings that bring you pain and replant them into better soil.

Esto requiere mucha autorreflexión y unas cuantas píldoras difíciles de tragar. Siempre que decidas ser realista sobre algo importante de ti mismo, espera que tus mecanismos de defensa se vuelvan locos.

In other words, don’t let yourself deceive yourself. Eso también significa dejar de culpar a los demás de tus propios defectos.

De todos modos, casi todas nuestras relaciones son un reflejo de nosotros mismos, así que antes de culpar a otra persona por hacerte sentir de determinada manera, piensa por qué se lo has permitido.

No one can give you what you really need but yourself so why won’t you stop avoiding your emotions and greet them instead?

You’ll never stop being you, so let yourself be your friend.