Cómo empezar a quererse de 10 formas revolucionarias

El amor es la emoción más hermosa de todas. Sin embargo, por increíble que sea tener un corazón abierto hacia los demás, la pregunta más importante del mundo es: ¿cómo empezar a quererse a uno mismo?

When you have a hard time caring about yourself, nothing else in your life can go right. You have zero self-confidence, you feel no security and at the end of the day, you don’t live a happy life.

Todo el mundo habla de ello. Mires donde mires, lees y oyes cosas que te recuerdan la importancia del amor propio.

So, you’re perfectly aware that you have to start giving yourself more love. However, nobody actually tells you how to start loving yourself.

Bueno, nadie excepto nosotros.

He aquí una guía paso a paso a través de su viaje de amor propio y la respuesta a la pregunta de cómo quererse a uno mismo más.

Olvídese de ser perfeccionista

The number one reason why most people don’t love truly themselves is the fact that they’re perfectionists.

Don’t misunderstand me; trying to improve yourself and putting effort into your own personal development and personal growth is admirable.

Sin embargo, la verdad es que nunca podrás llegar a ser perfecto, por mucho que lo intentes así que, por favor, deja de esperar que seas el mejor en todo lo que haces.

In fact, there is no such thing as being perfect. You’re just a human being made of flesh and blood, just like any other person in this world.

Todos tenemos nuestra serie de defectos y no tiene sentido estresarse por cada uno de ellos.

Después de todo, ¿qué significa ser perfecto? ¿Tienes tú o cualquier otra persona de este mundo la misma visión de la perfección? Apuesto a que no.

The thing is that you have to stop wasting your precious energy on trying to achieve something that is unattainable. Go easy on yourself and don’t try going on a wild goose chase.

Instead of focusing on poor choices, concentrate on all the things you have done well. Stop looking for your own flaws and start observing yourself as someone worthy of everyone’s admiration.

Autoaceptación

When you’re trying to figure out how to start loving yourself or how to love yourself more, firstly, you have to accept your true self. Before anything else, begin with knowing who you really are.

What are the parts of you that you truly consider to be yours? What are the traits others imposed on you but you’ve actually never accepted? Who are you and who do you want to be? How do you see yourself?

¿Eres la persona en la que has querido convertirte durante toda tu vida? Y lo que es más importante, ¿qué tipo de persona te gustaría ser si todo dependiera de ti?

Well, guess, what? It all really does depend on you. In fact, you’re the only person who needs to accept all of your qualities and flaws.

To practice self-love is about self-acceptance. It’s not denying any parts of your personality.

You know how you don’t laugh as loud as you would just because your partner doesn’t like it? How you stopped wearing that colorful shirt just because your family thought it wasn’t appropriate?

It’s about time to stop pretending to be someone you’re not. Dig deep inside of you and recuerda la chica o el chico que solías ser. Ama tus imperfecciones de la misma manera que amas tus lados buenos. ¿Sabes por qué?

Because they all form one amazing person—YOU.

Remember: you’re one of a kind. In a million years, there won’t be someone the same as you so what’s there not to love about this uniqueness?

Forget about society’s validation

Now that you’ve done the hard part, it’s time to stop comparing yourself to others as well. Guess what? You’ll never please everyone around you so you might just as well stop trying. This is one of the best recipes for an una vida más fácil. 

If your parents don’t see you as good enough, they’ll never appreciate you or see your worth, regardless of how much effort you put into trying to change their opinion.

On the other hand, you might be the best possible person to them but maybe your partner has some expectations you can’t seem to fulfill.

La conclusión es que, hagas lo que hagas, siempre habrá alguien que te diga que deberías hacer las cosas de otra manera.

The truth is that you can spend your entire life worrying about other people’s opinions but even then, you won’t change them and you won’t succeed in making everyone love you.

The first thing you have to do if you plan on forgetting about unrealistic society’s expectations is to get rid of all of your social media accounts.

Si esto es imposible, por favor, al menos, comprenda que casi todo en Facebook e Instagram es falso.

Don’t worry, I know exactly how you feel. You go on your news feed and you automatically get the impression that all your friends are better in this game called life.

If you’re of a certain age, you’re expected to have it all figured out. It seems that everyone has graduated, started a family, has a happy love life and so on. Everyone except you.

Todo el mundo viaja, va al gimnasio, pierde peso y vive su mejor vida. Todos menos tú.

Naturalmente, cuando te comparas con los demás, te ves a ti mismo como el mayor de los fracasos. Sabes por qué es así?

Because you keep limiting yourself by what is expected of you. You don’t go after your desires; you’re trying to fulfill society’s standards.

Who told you that there is a certain age by which you have to have a steady job? Who says that you have to get married? That’s right, nobody. So please, forget about this nonsense and live your life the way you want.

Al fin y al cabo, el objetivo es ser feliz uno mismo, no la sociedad.

Abrazar la gratitud

Knowing this, you’re probably wondering what the key to happiness is. Well, nobody can give you a concrete answer to this question but I can guarantee that gratitude is one of the most important ways to get there.

A primera vista, podría pensarse que las personas más felices lo tienen todo, pero puedo decirle que la verdad es muy distinta. Al contrario, las personas más felices están agradecidas por todo lo que tienen.

After all, nobody has it all, therefore what you should do is embrace gratitude. I promise you that once you do, you’ll grow to love your own life more and eventually, you’ll start this self-love journey.

Most of the time, you’re focused on the bad things around you. Well, for a change, try and look at things from a different perspective.

Maybe you can’t save enough money to decorate your house but hey, at least you have a home, don’t you? Maybe you are not happy with your current career choice but you do have a job, don’t you?

Don’t misunderstand me, this is not me advising you to remain stuck in your comfort zone for the rest of your life.

I’m not telling you to ditch personal development, not to follow your dreams or to stop aspiring for greater things.

Instead, I’m just begging you to stop paying so much attention to the things you want to change and instead, be thankful for all of your blessings.

Be grateful that you’re alive and be grateful if you’re healthy. You’re surrounded by those who care for you and no matter what happens, tomorrow is always a new day.

Créeme, esto por sí solo es mucho más de lo que mucha gente puede siquiera soñar con tener.

Cambie su percepción de sí mismo

Before getting the answers to your questions of how to start loving yourself and how to love yourself more, you have to get to the bottom of this question: Why don’t you love yourself in the first place? Lucky for you, I have the answer to this one too.

Verás, el problema de fondo es que piensas mal de ti mismo. Puede que te niegues a admitirlo, pero la verdad es muy evidente.

Obviously, you consider yourself unlovable. You are convinced that you’re not worthy of anyone’s love. Your inner voice is telling you that you’re not attractive, smart, intelligent or interesting enough for anyone to love you.

Puedes negarlo todo lo que quieras, pero sabes que así es como te sientes contigo mismo.

Pues bien, para cambiar tus emociones negativas, tienes que cambiar tu autopercepción. Tienes que reforzar tu autoestima y recordarte a ti mismo que realmente eres digno y valioso.

Easier said than done, I know. Wouldn’t it be perfect if you could snap your fingers and start seeing yourself in a different light, just like that?

However, this change requires time. It requires you to get out of the box you’ve put yourself in and to eventually start seeing all of your qualities.

Para empezar, inicia un hábito increíble: escribir un diario. Cada noche, antes de irte a dormir, escribe al menos cinco cosas que te hayan hecho sentir orgulloso de ti mismo.

Write down five good things you’ve done that day or the right choices you’ve made. This doesn’t have to be anything spectacular, as any milestone will do the trick.

Por ejemplo, puedes registrar que te has levantado a tiempo para ir a trabajar, sin tener que apurar tu rutina matutina o que, para variar, has almorzado de forma saludable.

Además, hazte un par de cumplidos y anótalos también.

You can add some things such as the fact that you were calm enough not to respond to your co-worker’s nasty look, that you smelled great or that you were extra funny today.

The list is endless but I’m sure you know where I’m going with this.

At first, remembering five good things will be difficult. However, with time, you’ll even start to increase the number of compliments and the praise you give yourself.

Así que, la próxima vez que sientas que te quieres menos de lo que deberías, habla contigo mismo. Repasa tu diario de amor propio, lee todas las cosas buenas que has hecho en esos días y hazte algunos cumplidos.

Así de fácil, tu imagen de ti mismo empezará a cambiar, sin que te des cuenta. Tu confianza en ti mismo se disparará y llegará el amor propio.

Alejar a las personas tóxicas

Para obtener una respuesta a la pregunta de cómo empezar a quererte a ti mismo, tienes que estar en un entorno amoroso.

It’s impossible to care for yourself in a proper way if you’re surrounded by hatred, pessimism and negative thoughts and people.

Therefore, please cut off anyone who doesn’t mean you well.

Regardless of whether these toxic people are your family or friends you’ve known your whole life, if they don’t send you positivity, it’s time for them to go.

Basically, what I’m advising you is to get rid of everyone who doesn’t truly love you. You see, you’re going through a sensitive time right now. You’re easily subjected to other people’s opinions and impressions of you.

It’s actually pretty simple; if you surround yourself with people who think poorly of you, you’ll adopt their opinions.

If you surround yourself with those who keep you sending you the message that you’re not meant to be loved, you’ll start considering yourself not worthy of love.

On the other hand, if you’re constantly in the company of people who see all of your value, you’ll start believing it as well.

If you’re in the company of those who think highly of you, after a while, you’ll begin looking at yourself through their eyes as well.

Adoptar el autocuidado

I’m sure you’re a great friend, co-worker or sibling and an even better son or daughter.

You’re always full of understanding about everything your loved ones do, you put a lot of effort into making them happier and you do everything in your power to help them out when they need it.

That’s an amazing trait, I won’t argue against that. However, having all of this in mind, I can’t help but wonder: What exactly is stopping you from treating yourself the same way?

Why do you engage in that much self-criticism, self-loathing and self-doubt but you’re not like that where everyone else is concerned?

If you’re being honest, you’ll admit that you treat everyone else around you better than you treat yourself. Why is that so? Does that mean that you love all of them more than you love yourself?

Why not engage in a little experiment. Try imagining that you’re your own best friend.

What would you tell that friend, if they came to you and told you that they don’t love themselves? What would you tell them if they made a mistake?

¿Les acusarías de ser unos fracasados o les darías la tranquilidad que necesitan desesperadamente?
¿Qué les dirías si fueran pasando por una ruptura?

Would you rub salt into the wound by telling them that they’re good for nothing and that nobody else would ever love them?

Or would you tell them that they’re better off single and that they should be happy about getting rid of their toxic ex?

You don’t have to answer any of these questions because I already know which options you’d choose. So, why don’t you start telling yourself each one of these lines?

These double standards don’t end there. Let’s imagine that it’s your best friend’s birthday. I bet that you would do anything to get them the perfect gift.

Gastarías todo el dinero y el tiempo del mundo sólo para verlos felices.

Sin embargo, nunca te tratas a ti mismo de la misma manera. Rara vez haces algo para complacerte a ti mismo.
Well, it’s about time to change that. I’m begging you, start pampering yourself, the way you pamper others.

Ama tu cuerpo

Let’s be real here; you can’t love your mind and emotions unless you love the physical part of yourself as well. Regardless of how you feel about it, your body is a part of you.

No, I’m not here to tell you to lose weight and to become a supermodel because that’s not a path to self-love. The truth is that you should try to get in shape but your health should be the number one reason to do so.

Instead, I’m here to beg you to start loving your body, to ask you to embrace all of your physical imperfections, the same way you should do with all the personality traits you don’t like.

You can undergo all the plastic surgery and aesthetic treatments in the world but if you don’t teach yourself to be happy in your own skin, you’ll keep finding new flaws nobody else even notices.

Your nose will always be too big, your mouth too small and your teeth never white enough. What I’m trying to say is that loving your body means accepting it instead of changing it.

Of course, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t do anything about the things that can easily be changed and that you don’t like about yourself.

For example, if you are really bothered about that extra fat you’ve got on your stomach, start exercising.

Nevertheless, before you do it, ask yourself: Am I the one who can’t stand seeing those extra pounds on me or do I want to get rid of them to be more likable to others?

Sé egoísta

Being egocentric is a negative trait. Everyone applauds those who are kind and emphatic. However, there is a thin line between being nice and being a fool and you’re on the verge of crossing it.

Don’t misunderstand me, I know that your loved ones are significant to you. Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean that you should allow them to use you whenever or however they like.

Además, sus necesidades y deseos nunca pueden ser más importantes que los tuyos.

THEY can’t be more important than you to you. Instead, you have to ask how to love yourself first. No, this is not a toxic trait, it’s the way in which we should all behave.

You’re your own number one priority and everyone else comes second. Your mental health, energy and emotions are the things that have to concern you the most.

Please, stop feeling guilty for not being at everyone’s disposal 24/7. Don’t beat yourself up just because you don’t feel like going out with your BFF tonight or for choosing yourself over your siblings.

Remember this: All the relationships in your life can come and go. The heck with it, it’s even possible to break ties with your closest family members.

Sin embargo, la única relación de la que nunca podrás escapar es la que tienes contigo mismo.

Apreciar esa relación no es en absoluto egoísta. Cuidar de uno mismo no es egoísta. Y lo que es más importante, quererse a uno mismo más que a nadie no es egoísta.

Liberarse del control

When you’re trying to figure out how to start loving yourself, one of the things you simply must do is stop being a control freak. As much as you try, you simply can’t be in charge of everything.

Te guste o no, lo cierto es que no todo puede estar en tus manos. No tienes ningún control sobre cómo se comportan los demás.

De hecho, en la mayoría de los casos, tampoco tienes control sobre las cosas que te ocurren ni sobre tu vida.

Sin embargo, es evidente que te cuesta darte cuenta de ello. La mayoría de las veces, acabas odiándote por cómo te tratan los demás y por las cosas que han estado fuera de tu control desde el primer día.

When your boyfriend or girlfriend dumps you, you love yourself less because you think that you weren’t enough for them. When you get fired, you love yourself less because you think it was all your fault.

Well, the only thing you can control is your reactions to other people and events. You can’t choose whether you’ll get betrayed or left behind. Nevertheless, you can choose the way you observe that situation.

Will you put the blame on yourself and hate yourself for all that has happened? Or will you accept the situation the way it is and invest energy into healing yourself? It’s all up to you!

Para terminar:

Maybe the most significant step in this process is to take things slowly. You’ve figured out how to start loving yourself but that doesn’t mean that you should rush yourself into it.

Let’s be honest; how many years have you spent hating yourself? How much time has passed since you paid yourself a compliment?

¿Cuántos años has pasado disminuyendo tu propia autoestima y considerándote menos valioso de lo que realmente eres?

I bet even you don’t know the number so do you really think it’s possible to annul this entire effect overnight?

I won’t lie to you, making a difference to your feelings is not a piece of cake. Therefore, don’t expect magical changes with the snap of a finger.

De hecho, lo peor que puedes hacer es esforzarte demasiado y esperar una transformación completa de inmediato. En lugar de intentar hacer grandes cambios, da pequeños pasos.

One change at a time is the way to go! Before you know it, you’ll be proud of yourself and of everything you achieved.

Sin embargo, la pregunta es: ¿eres realmente consciente de lo crucial que es quererte a ti mismo?