Una lista de cosas que no me atrevo a decirle a mi ex

Estas son algunas de las cosas que nunca me oirás decir en voz alta, aunque mi vida dependa de ello.

The things which have been killing me ever since your departure and the things I’m too proud to admit, even to myself.

Here is a list of things I’ll never have the courage to tell you.

1. Me arruinaste

I know I play all tough in front of you. Every time I see you, I pretend like your actions didn’t hurt me.

But guess what: when you left, you didn’t just break my heart. In fact, rompiste a mí también.

Ever since you’ve been gone, I’ve felt like a wreck. I shattered into millions of pieces and there is no way for me to put myself back together.

You destroyed me completely and to be honest, I don’t even know how to begin the repairing process.

The truth is that you left deep wounds on my heart and they still haven’t started to heal.

Me cambiaste para siempre. Mataste a la chica inocente que solía ser y me convertiste en una mujer amargada y negativa.

You turned me into ashes and I’m not sure whether I’ll ever have the strength to rise.

2. I’ve never loved anyone this much

There, I said it. You’re the most important man in my life, even after everything you did to me.

I’ve never wanted you to know this but the truth is that nobody stands a chance against you.

Not one of my exes, and certainly none of the guys I’ve dated since you left.

The scariest part is that I’m pretty sure that Nunca amaré a ningún otro hombre tanto.

To be honest, I wasn’t even aware that I could love someone as much as I loved you. What a waste of emotions, right?

3. Te busco en todos

If you ask around, you’ll discover that I didn’t turn into a nun after we broke up.

You’ll conclude that I’m not sitting patiently waiting for you to come back.

No, I don’t reject every man who approaches me. I don’t pretend to still be taken while you’re out there living the life of a bachelor.

The truth is that I’m back on the dating market. I don’t sleep with every guy who comes around but I don’t live a life of celibacy either.

Así que todo el mundo asume que debo estar por encima de ti, ya que puedo volver a salir.

Well, what they don’t know is that I’m looking for you in every man I meet.

Salgo con ellos porque tienen una voz parecida a la tuya o porque usan la colonia que tú usabas.

Algunos me miran como tú lo hacías y otros tienen una sonrisa que me recuerda a ti.

Sin embargo, ninguno de ellos es tú y ninguno lo será jamás. La verdad es que salgo corriendo cada vez que me doy cuenta de ello.

4. Me hiciste cuestionar mi valía

Ever since you walked away from me, you’ve made me doubt my own value. You’ve made me wonder why I wasn’t enough for you.

You see, I gave you my best, without holding anything back. So, if my best version wasn’t enough for you, what would have made you stay?

How will I be able to keep any man by my side, if I didn’t succeed with you? Am I not worthy of someone’s love?

Why wasn’t I worthy of your love?

I bet you never thought that these questions would keep on bothering me. After all, I appear to be so confident, don’t I?

Destruiste mi confianza. Me convertiste en una ruina insegura sin autoestima.

5. Te odio

By now, you must think I’m some kind of a lunatic, right? I’ve just confessed to you that I’ve never loved someone as much as I loved you and now, here I am, telling you that I hate you.

Doesn’t make much sense, does it? Well, sorry but that’s how I feel right now.

I love you with all of my heart but I also hate your guts. I can’t explain it either.

Nevertheless, what matters is that you’re still alive inside of me-one way or another.

It doesn’t matter if I’m obsessed with love or hatred, you still exist in my head and heart.

6. Pero todavía espero que vuelvas

Ironically, I still expect you to come back. It’s not that I consciously want it-I just can’t seem to kill my hopes off.

Every time my phone rings, for a split of a second, I think it’s you.

Cada vez que me encuentro con tu mejor amigo, espero que me diga que me has mencionado.

Me doy la vuelta cada vez que veo un coche parecido al tuyo. Me pongo nervioso cada vez que paso por tu calle, esperando que me llames por mi nombre.

The truth is I hope that one day, you’ll come knocking on my door. That remorse will kill you once you realize what you lost.

Quiero que te despiertes en mitad de la noche, atormentado por el arrepentimiento. Quiero que echarme de menos tanto como te echo de menos.

Quiero que vuelvas. Pero al mismo tiempo, quiero que te alejes.