Uma lista de coisas que não tenho coragem de dizer ao meu ex

Aqui estão algumas das coisas que nunca me vão ouvir dizer em voz alta, mesmo que a minha vida dependa disso.

The things which have been killing me ever since your departure and the things I’m too proud to admit, even to myself.

Here is a list of things I’ll never have the courage to tell you.

1. Arruinaste-me

I know I play all tough in front of you. Every time I see you, I pretend like your actions didn’t hurt me.

But guess what: when you left, you didn’t just break my heart. In fact, partiu-se eu também.

Ever since you’ve been gone, I’ve felt like a wreck. I shattered into millions of pieces and there is no way for me to put myself back together.

You destroyed me completely and to be honest, I don’t even know how to begin the repairing process.

The truth is that you left deep wounds on my heart and they still haven’t started to heal.

Mudaste-me para sempre. Mataste a rapariga inocente que eu costumava ser e transformaste-me numa mulher amarga e negativa.

You turned me into ashes and I’m not sure whether I’ll ever have the strength to rise.

2. I’ve never loved anyone this much

There, I said it. You’re the most important man in my life, even after everything you did to me.

I’ve never wanted you to know this but the truth is that nobody stands a chance against you.

Not one of my exes, and certainly none of the guys I’ve dated since you left.

The scariest part is that I’m pretty sure that Eu nunca vou amar qualquer outro homem assim.

To be honest, I wasn’t even aware that I could love someone as much as I loved you. What a waste of emotions, right?

3. Procuro-te em toda a gente

If you ask around, you’ll discover that I didn’t turn into a nun after we broke up.

You’ll conclude that I’m not sitting patiently waiting for you to come back.

No, I don’t reject every man who approaches me. I don’t pretend to still be taken while you’re out there living the life of a bachelor.

The truth is that I’m back on the dating market. I don’t sleep with every guy who comes around but I don’t live a life of celibacy either.

Então, toda a gente assume que eu devo estar acima de ti, uma vez que posso voltar a namorar.

Well, what they don’t know is that I’m looking for you in every man I meet.

Namoro com eles porque têm uma voz semelhante à sua ou porque usam a colónia que costumava usar.

Alguns olham para mim como tu olhavas e outros têm um sorriso que me faz lembrar de ti.

No entanto, nenhum deles é tu e nunca ninguém o será. A verdade é que eu corro para as colinas sempre que me apercebo disso.

4. Fizeste-me questionar o meu valor

Ever since you walked away from me, you’ve made me doubt my own value. You’ve made me wonder why I wasn’t enough for you.

You see, I gave you my best, without holding anything back. So, if my best version wasn’t enough for you, what would have made you stay?

How will I be able to keep any man by my side, if I didn’t succeed with you? Am I not worthy of someone’s love?

Why wasn’t I worthy of your love?

I bet you never thought that these questions would keep on bothering me. After all, I appear to be so confident, don’t I?

Bem, destruíste a minha confiança. Transformaste-me num destroço inseguro e sem autoestima.

5. Odeio-te

By now, you must think I’m some kind of a lunatic, right? I’ve just confessed to you that I’ve never loved someone as much as I loved you and now, here I am, telling you that I hate you.

Doesn’t make much sense, does it? Well, sorry but that’s how I feel right now.

I love you with all of my heart but I also hate your guts. I can’t explain it either.

Nevertheless, what matters is that you’re still alive inside of me-one way or another.

It doesn’t matter if I’m obsessed with love or hatred, you still exist in my head and heart.

6. Mas ainda espero que voltes

Ironically, I still expect you to come back. It’s not that I consciously want it-I just can’t seem to kill my hopes off.

Every time my phone rings, for a split of a second, I think it’s you.

Sempre que me cruzo com o teu melhor amigo, espero que ele me diga que falaste de mim.

Viro-me sempre que vejo um carro semelhante ao teu. Fico nervoso sempre que passo pela sua rua, à espera que me chame pelo nome.

The truth is I hope that one day, you’ll come knocking on my door. That remorse will kill you once you realize what you lost.

Quero que acordes a meio da noite, assombrado pelo arrependimento. Quero que sentir a minha falta tanto quanto sinto a tua falta.

Quero que voltes. Mas, ao mesmo tempo, quero que te afastes.