¿Debo enviarle un mensaje? Aprende cuándo enviar mensajes (y cuándo esperar)

So, you’re looking at your phone, scrolling through your feed (or checking out his profile for the thousandth time) while asking yourself this famous question: ¿Debo enviarle un mensaje de texto o no?? 

¿Debo enviarle un simple "Hola" y esperar a que retome la iniciativa y me haga preguntas significativas?

What if he doesn’t do that? Should I text him one of those heartfelt texts where I’ll show him the ultimate affection (that is killing me as I’m overthinking all this)? ¿Deberías enviar primero un mensaje de texto a un chico??

Tras un tiempo sopesando los pros y los contras, llegas a la siguiente conclusión: Tal vez debería esperar. Pero, ¿y si no vuelve a mandarme mensajes? ¿Y si se olvida completamente de mí? 

Una cosa es segura: It’s so damn hard to be a woman (or to be a human being) in these instant messaging and social media times.

Si le envías un doble mensaje, puedes despedirte literalmente de vuestro (casi) romance. Si le dejas esperar demasiado a que respondas, te arriesgas a que se enfade contigo o a que se olvide de ti y te borre de su vida.

God forbid if you “Seen” them or if they “Seen” you.

We live in times when throwing a “Seen” is considered one of the greatest sins cuando se trata de relaciones románticas y de comunicación en general.

Hay tantas reglas, tantas oportunidades de cometer errores y tantas vueltas que darle. Pero hay algo que las eclipsa a todas y es aprender cuándo es el momento adecuado para enviar un mensaje de texto y cuándo hay que esperar.

¿Por qué quieres enviarle un mensaje?

Knowing when you should text him and when you shouldn’t is connected with your motives.

You need to ask yourself why you want to text them in the first place, and there, you’ll find the answer to your question as to whether you should text him or not.

Do you want to text him because you’re feeling bored and/or lonely?

Los mensajes de texto se han convertido en el remedio más popular contra el aburrimiento y en una herramienta de distracción para todo tipo de estados de ánimo.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to text someone when you’re feeling bored or lonely, but this depends on your relationship with them.

Is he your ex that you can’t stop thinking about, so you have an uncontrollable urge to text him?

If he’s your ex that you’re thinking about 24/7 (especially when you’re feeling bored), you shouldn’t enviarle un mensaje de texto durante un período de no contacto que debería durar unos 90 días después de una ruptura.

I know what you’re thinking: 90 DAYS, WHAT THE HELL? I’ll die before then.

Well, you might feel extremely tempted to text him, you might experience a couple of breakdowns or eat tons of ice cream while cursing your destiny, but you won’t die for sure. Why?

Because no one else died because of a No Contact period. Yes, it will be challenging to survive 90 days without texting him, but you’ll make it, and once you get there, you’ll be thankful to yourself for that.

Also, you’ll have a clearer perspective on things, which will help you decide whether it’s time to move on or reunite with him.

¿Ignoró tu último mensaje y ahora quieres recordarle que te devuelva el mensaje?

Este es realmente complicado y molesto (especialmente molesto).

There’s nothing more painful in the whole wide world than the feeling of expecting him to text you back when deep down in your soul, you know that he won’t.

Aun así, sigues esperando que algún día responda a tu mensaje, ya olvidado.
You’ll easily become tempted to remind him to text you back, and to do so, you have to double text him.

Enviar dos mensajes de texto es otra zona peligrosa en la que todo el mundo debería evitar entrar si puede.

So, here’s my humble advice to you: Unless you’re REALLY and I mean really worried about their well-being, DON’T double text him. ¿Por qué?

a) Porque ya ha leído su texto.

b) Because, for some reason, he didn’t want to text you back.

c) Because you’re not desperate.

d) Because if you do, he’ll think of you as desperate.

So, unless you suspect that he was prevented from texting you back due to some medical issue or other serious thing, then you shouldn’t text him back.

Otherwise, he’ll continue taking you for granted by letting you wait for an eternity to text you back. Even worse, he’ll think that you’re okay with it and that you’ll always wait.

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¿Quieres enviarle un mensaje porque GENUINAMENTE le echas de menos y (todavía) sientes algo por él?

Si rompisteis y realmente le echas de menos y sigues sintiendo algo por él incluso después del periodo de No Contacto, entonces deberías mandarle un mensaje.

Perhaps he’s feeling the same way, so if you don’t tell him how you’re feeling, you’ll never know whether you have a chance at reuniting with him.

Mándale un mensaje una vez, y si te contesta, enhorabuena. If he doesn’t text you back, then DON’T double text him. Again, you don’t want him to think of you as desperate or that you can’t live your best life without him.

You don’t need a man to be happy; trust me on that one. If you place your happiness in someone else’s hands, you’ll never be truly happy (I’ve learned that one the hard way).

If he’s guilty of doing these things, don’t even bother to text him back!

We women are really good at making excuses for our men. We’re so good at it that making excuses for them should be presented to the world as an art in itself or a course that other people can attend.

If you make an excuse once for your man, it’s not a big deal, but if you continue doing so, it’s time to change the game.

There are some things that you should never tolerate no matter if you’re dating him or if you’re in a relationship.

If he does these things, don’t even bother to text him back:

• Envía respuestas sin esfuerzo
• Constantemente se olvida de responderte.
• He gets mad because you haven’t texted him back immediately (SERIOUSLY, GUYS?)

I think there’s nothing more annoying in the world than effortless replies (Yes, I’m aware of my overuse of the phrase ‘nothing more annoying in the world’).

But seriously, imagine that you send a guy a novel-length text and he sends you back a one-word reply or one mini sentence (and doesn’t even add some emojis).

For me, there’s nothing more disrespectful than that when it comes to texting.

Por supuesto, olvidar o ignorar deliberadamente tus mensajes de texto también es una falta de respeto, pero el poco esfuerzo es simplemente la única cosa a la que tengo una aversión total.

Here’s another piece of humble advice: If a guy is not capable of, or better said, UNWILLING to court you via texting, he’s not worthy of your attention and time.

If he’s not capable of sending a meaningful text or one that will make you laugh, then you shouldn’t bother texting him. It’s as simple as that.

By going out of your way to send funny, interesting, and engaging texts to someone who doesn’t know how to respond the right way or appreciate it, you’re disrespecting yourself.

Don’t let that happen. You deserve to be texted back. You deserve to receive a novel-length text back if you send one, so NEVER accept less than that.

Aquí tiene más razones legítimas para no contestarle NUNCA MÁS:

• He texts you only when he’s bored
• He hurt you before (and didn’t apologize for it)
• He’s a player

If he texts you only when he’s bored, but you have feelings for him, then DON’T text him back ever again.

Si esperas que este escenario ocurra: When he gets bored of you, he’ll just switch to another girl and text her until he gets bored of her as well.

Do you want to give him the satisfaction of treating you like his doll? I don’t think so. Deja de enviarle mensajes de texto y ver qué pasa (perhaps you’ll be surprised).

Also, if he hurt you before and didn’t apologize for it, you shouldn’t be the one to text first. The ball is in his court, and if he wants to make things right and apologize to you, he’s free to do so.

If he doesn’t want to apologize, then you sure as hell won’t be the one who will go out of her way to initiate conversation.

If he’s a player, you’ll be able to smell it from one kilometer away. If you know that he’s playing games with you, then don’t waste your time trying to outplay him.

Lo mejor que puedes hacer es ignorarlo y seguir viviendo tu mejor vida.

Escucha siempre tu intuición.

There are so many rules for when to text and when not to as well as when to double text and when not to, and that’s helpful because it’s good to have some kind of a guide for texting.

But, sometimes, even the most helpful guide can fail you because it’s really easy to overlook some things. That is why you should ALWAYS listen to your intuition because that’s your best judge!

Listen to that inner voice telling you when you shouldn’t text him because he’s a legit player or when you should text him because he might be feeling the same way about you.

If you listen closely to what your intuition tells you, then you’ll know what to do in any situation, not just in texting.