No perdió tu amor, sólo se dio cuenta de que nunca lo tuvo

Por mucho que ella deseara que lo consiguierais, en realidad nunca estuvo destinado a suceder. Por mucho que lo intentara, por mucho que diera o por mucho que rezara, todo fue en vano porque eras incapaz de amar. Aún lo eres, supongo.

Todas las veces que creyó que la amabas, sólo jugaste con ella. You know what you have to do in order to get what you want. You knew all the right words to say and all the right moves to make so that she would fall for you. To make her believe that you’re honest, while that word doesn’t even exist in your vocabulary. She fell in love with you without even thinking about it, because it felt good. It felt right.

And she genuinely believed that you meant what you said. There was no reason for her to doubt your promises and all the vows you made her. There was no reason for her to go to bed wondering if maybe you’re not telling the truth. And that’s why it broke her even harder when you left.

Todas las veces que creyó que podía confiar en ti, usaste su confianza contra ella. Te confió su corazón y su vida. Te dejó entrar, aunque antes la gente la utilizara. Te lo dio todo, aunque antes lo perdió todo. Pero confió en ti. Tú eras el único riesgo que ella estaba dispuesta a correr porque creía que esta vez sería diferente.

Creyó que no jugarías con su confianza, así que te la dio fácilmente. Creyó que la protegerías cuando la vida se le viniera encima, así que ella te dio su corazón. Ella creía tantas cosas y ninguna de ellas resultó ser cierta. Ninguna.

Todas las veces que escuchó tus palabras como si fueran la sagrada Biblia, la intoxicaste con ellas. Al principio, todo eran risitas y carcajadas mezcladas con expresiones de amor y cumplidos. Y con el tiempo, tus cumplidos se convirtieron en manipulaciones. Tus expresiones de amor se convirtieron en condiciones. Pero ella seguía queriéndote. Seguía creyendo en ti. Seguía creyendo en el amor que os teníais. O al menos pensaba que lo hacías.

Todas las veces que te dio una segunda oportunidad, la aprovechaste para romperla una vez más. She tried to escape; she tried to walk away. You were like a boomerang she couldn’t run away from. And every time you would bounce back, you would break her more. You would take away one more piece of her, until nothing was left.

Y ahora que ha huido sin oportunidades y el amor, por fin es libre. Por fin puede ver que no fuiste más que un error que le costó muy caro. Por fin puede ver que nunca fue ella la que no era querible; fue tu incapacidad de amar lo que te ahuyentó. Fue tu egoísmo y tu corazón tóxico lo que la destruyó.

She was so afraid of letting you down, so afraid of facing a day without you, that she held on for you like she was holding on for her life. But she found her courage, she found a way to be brave, because it’s better to face every day alone than with you by her side. It’s better to fall asleep alone than to fall asleep in your lying hands.

She finally sees that she never lost your love because you can’t lose something you never had. For too long, she blamed herself for all the downfalls of your relationship because you made her believe that it was all her fault. For too long, she hated parts of herself, thinking that they’re the reason why you left. For too long, she refused to love herself because you didn’t love her. You made her believe that she’s the unlovable one and screw you for that!

You took the most amazing woman with the biggest and greatest heart the world has seen and you broke her. You took her trust and stomped on it. You took her love and set it on fire so she’ll burn in it. But she still managed to see through your lies and manipulations. She still managed to see the truth and to finally see that she deserves more than you. More than what you can even dream about giving to someone.

You can’t lose something you never had, but it still doesn’t mean it hurts less. She never had your love, but losing you still hurt. The fact that she loved someone who never loved her back. The fact that she gave herself to someone who only took the  parts he liked. That’s not love, for God’s sake. Love is accepting and loving each other the way you are. But I guess that’s science fiction for you.

But she’s getting there. She’s learning to love herself the way you never knew how to love her. She’s learning to put herself first, something you never even considered. And she’s accepting the truth that it was never her fault you left because you weren’t there in the first place. Not for her, not for your relationship. And not for love.