Ela não perdeu o teu amor, apenas percebeu que nunca o teve

Por muito que ela esperasse que vocês os dois conseguissem, nunca esteve destinado a acontecer, na verdade. Por muito que ela tentasse, por muito que desse ou por muito que rezasse, foi tudo em vão, porque tu eras incapaz de amar. Ainda és, acho eu.

Todas as vezes que ela acreditou que a amava, você apenas a enganou. You know what you have to do in order to get what you want. You knew all the right words to say and all the right moves to make so that she would fall for you. To make her believe that you’re honest, while that word doesn’t even exist in your vocabulary. She fell in love with you without even thinking about it, because it felt good. It felt right.

And she genuinely believed that you meant what you said. There was no reason for her to doubt your promises and all the vows you made her. There was no reason for her to go to bed wondering if maybe you’re not telling the truth. And that’s why it broke her even harder when you left.

Todas as vezes que ela acreditou que podia confiar em ti, tu usaste a confiança dela contra ela. Ela confiou-lhe o seu coração e a sua vida. Deixou-o entrar, apesar de as pessoas a terem usado antes. Ela deu-te tudo, apesar de ter perdido tudo antes. Mas ela confiava em si. Eras o único risco que ela estava feliz em correr porque acreditava que desta vez seria diferente.

Ela acreditava que tu não irias jogar com a sua confiança, por isso deu-lha facilmente. Ela acreditava que a protegeria quando a vida a atacasse, por isso ela deu-lhe o seu coração. Ela acreditava em tantas coisas e nenhuma delas se revelou verdadeira. Nem uma.

Todas as vezes que ela ouviu as tuas palavras como se fossem a Bíblia sagrada, tu intoxicaste-a com elas. No início, eram só risos e gargalhadas misturados com expressões de amor e elogios. E com o tempo, os teus elogios transformaram-se em manipulações. As tuas expressões de amor transformaram-se em condições. Mas ela continuava a amar-te. Ela ainda acreditava em ti. Ela ainda acreditava no amor que vocês dois tinham. Ou, pelo menos, ela pensava que tu acreditavas.

Todas as vezes que ela te deu uma segunda oportunidade, aproveitaste-a para a quebrar mais uma vez. She tried to escape; she tried to walk away. You were like a boomerang she couldn’t run away from. And every time you would bounce back, you would break her more. You would take away one more piece of her, until nothing was left.

E agora que ela fugiu sem hipóteses e amor, ela é finalmente livre. Ela pode finalmente ver que não passaste de um erro que lhe custou muito. Ela pode finalmente ver que nunca foi ela quem não era amável; foi a tua incapacidade de amar que te afastou. Foi o teu egoísmo e o teu coração tóxico que a destruíram.

She was so afraid of letting you down, so afraid of facing a day without you, that she held on for you like she was holding on for her life. But she found her courage, she found a way to be brave, because it’s better to face every day alone than with you by her side. It’s better to fall asleep alone than to fall asleep in your lying hands.

She finally sees that she never lost your love because you can’t lose something you never had. For too long, she blamed herself for all the downfalls of your relationship because you made her believe that it was all her fault. For too long, she hated parts of herself, thinking that they’re the reason why you left. For too long, she refused to love herself because you didn’t love her. You made her believe that she’s the unlovable one and screw you for that!

You took the most amazing woman with the biggest and greatest heart the world has seen and you broke her. You took her trust and stomped on it. You took her love and set it on fire so she’ll burn in it. But she still managed to see through your lies and manipulations. She still managed to see the truth and to finally see that she deserves more than you. More than what you can even dream about giving to someone.

You can’t lose something you never had, but it still doesn’t mean it hurts less. She never had your love, but losing you still hurt. The fact that she loved someone who never loved her back. The fact that she gave herself to someone who only took the  parts he liked. That’s not love, for God’s sake. Love is accepting and loving each other the way you are. But I guess that’s science fiction for you.

But she’s getting there. She’s learning to love herself the way you never knew how to love her. She’s learning to put herself first, something you never even considered. And she’s accepting the truth that it was never her fault you left because you weren’t there in the first place. Not for her, not for your relationship. And not for love.