A la chica que aún se culpa
What can I say to make you see that you weren’t the ¿Por qué se fue?
It wasn’t because you nagged him or because you were bad in bed. It wasn’t because you were mean, or rude, or filled with jealousy at the wrong moments.
It wasn’t because you weren’t attractive, or because you weren’t as sexy or as playful or as innocent as other girls.
He left because he wanted to, because he didn’t deserve the person you are, because he couldn’t handle what it was like to not date, or kiss, or love, someone who wasn’t an asshole.
He left because you’re the kind of woman who made him work, who challenged him, who asked questions, who spoke up, who had a voice that he wasn’t ready to hear.
Su razonamiento sobre por qué se fue te dejará preguntándote dónde USTED weren’t wrong but it’s his fault, no tuyo.
Usted no controla sus inseguridades. Usted no está a cargo de arreglar su pasado tóxico y no mereces lidiar con las repercusiones de su confusión.
You aren’t to blame for how he deals with the toxicity of his childhood or past relationships where someone did him wrong. You aren’t in charge of fixing his insecurities when he uses them as an excuse to mistreat you, to belittle you, to disgrace you.
He will try and try and try to convince you that you need him, that you belong to him but you are nobody’s property.
Se reirá cuando tengas ganas de llorar y tergiversará tus palabras hasta que tristemente empieces a creértelas. Te cortará con palabras y con engaños.
Se burlará del amor que tienes en tu corazón, el mismo amor que te susurró que le dieras una oportunidad, el mismo amor que hizo la vista gorda, el mismo amor que te hizo sentir que aún ardía algo bueno dentro de él.
Tú no eres la razón por la que decidió irse.
Usted no es la razón por la que era infeliz porque será infeliz con la siguiente mujer, y con la siguiente, y con la siguiente después de esa porque nunca encontrará la paz para ser lo suficientemente feliz consigo mismo.
Tú no eres la razón por la que él está roto.
Sé tu propio recurso para la felicidad. Sé tu propia razón para levantarte por la mañana, para afrontar el día y patear traseros mientras lo haces. Te prometo que, con el tiempo, esas cicatrices y esas heridas de guerra desaparecerán. Las mías acabaron desapareciendo.
Eventually, he will fade into the background. He will become the warning story you save for rainy nights or during your daughter’s first break-up when she fails to realize that the guy who just broke up with her reminds you of this person you used to love all those years ago.
And down the line, you’ll come to realize that nada ha cambiado realmente. He will still be unhappy and unsure of how to handle the kind of love you tried to offer him. He doesn’t think he’s deserving of it because his entire life he fought the very definition of it.
The memories of who he was and what he did and how he made you feel won’t define you forever. I assure you of that.
por Courtney Dercqu
