La Verdad Es Que Nunca Serás El Hombre Que Quiero Que Seas

Tenía tantas ganas de que funcionáramos. Quería que fueras mi feliz para siempremi mejor amigo, y el hombre en quien puedo confiar. Quería que me miraras como si fuera lo más preciado que tienes en la vida.

Quería que te volvieras loco por mí, que me necesitaras como se necesita el aire en los pulmones. Necesitaba que me pusieras en primer lugar, que me pidieras opinión y que me recordaras lo buena que soy de vez en cuando.

But none of that happened. I gave you my everything and you didn’t reciprocate. You didn’t even try; I was the one who was keeping us alive.

You probably thought, “Why bother over someone who is already mine?” Right?

I don’t know if you ever loved me or just pretended to get things you wanted from me. If you were pretending, then I must say that you did it perfectly well. I never doubted anything you told me or did for me.

You knew the perfect way to deceive me and get all that you wanted from me, while I was always at your disposal trying to satisfy you. I couldn’t recognize that you were just taking advantage of me. I believed all that you told me; I believed that you love me and that you can’t live without me.

Pero de hecho, era lo contrario. Podías vivir sin mí porque nunca signifiqué tanto para ti. Yo era bueno sólo porque te conocía muy bien. Era buena porque sabía qué tipo de café te gusta, qué desayunas y cómo te gusta que esté organizada la ropa en tu armario para encontrar fácilmente lo que necesitas.

You didn’t need a lover. You needed a housekeeper. Someone to clean, iron, and cook. Then someone you could take to bed from time to time when you want it.

Alguien que te mirara y admirara todos tus éxitos empresariales. Necesitabas a alguien que obedeciera todo lo que dices y respeta tu opinión más de lo que ellos respetan a los suyos.

Necesitabas una víctima que fuera todo lo que siempre quisiste, alguien que sacrificara su vida y su tiempo para hacerte sentir bien. Y querías que todo eso ocurriera en nombre del amor.

¿Y sabes qué fue lo peor?

I accepted to be that woman. I accepted to put myself second, to obey all your rules, and to be the woman you would like. I changed so much just so you would like me more. I still don’t know why I did it, but I finally know that you weren’t worth it. No man is worth it, in fact.

And the one who is will never make you go through something like that. In trying to impress you, I lost myself completely. All my days were focused on you and on what you wanted. I didn’t even care about myself because you were the one who was more important.

I gave myself to a man who couldn’t care less for me. I thought that I found real love, where in the end, it was everything but love. It was a period in my life that cost me my nerves, well-being, and peace.

Nunca pensé que una mujer fuerte e independiente como yo se enamoraría de alguien como tú. Nunca pensé que un hombre sería capaz de engañarme y obligarme a hacer lo que él quisiera. Nunca pensé que alguna vez pondría a otra persona en primer lugar. Pero todas esas cosas sucedieron. Y fueron peores de lo que jamás hubiera imaginado. Te quise como una loca y al final, acabé siendo llamada loca por ti.

I wanted my peace so much, but you wouldn’t have it, telling me that I was weird for wanting to be alone all the time. And the truth is that I didn’t want to be alone, I just wanted to be saved from you.

When you told me you don’t like me spending time with my friends, at first I thought that it’s just because you love me so much and kind of sweet for not wanting to share me with other people.

Pero cuando se transformó en control obsesivo y gaslighting, I knew I should do something about that. I couldn’t lose my identity so easily. That should never happen. I couldn’t let you take my life into your hands. And even though I gave you plenty of opportunities to change, that never happened. And it never will.

That’s why this time, I am giving up on everything. I am giving up on your fake love, on your empty words, and on your actions you never took to show me your love. Your pseudo-love is killing me and it is time to finally save myself.

Staying with you will just hurt me more and I am already destroyed from all your lies and cheating. I am leaving because you never were, you aren’t, and you never will be the man worthy of me.

Sólo espero que todos estos años que pasaste conmigo hayan servido para algo y que hayas aprendido cómo no se debe tratar a una mujer. También espero que te arrepientas de todo lo que me hiciste.

And what’s most important, I hope that one day, you will forgive yourself for all the torture you put me through. Because the truth is, I have no intention of doing that.