Nunca Pensé Que Acabarías Siendo El Amor De Mi Vida

Recuerdo que cuando te conocí pensé, “OMG, what an idiot.’  No es realmente un comienzo prometedor para una historia de amor. Ni en un millón de años habría imaginado que ese mismo idiota sería el amor de mi vida.

We were sitting at the same table at a wedding reception. You were cute but I hadn’t seen anything that would keep my attention. I remember you going from one girl to the next, smiling, flirting and dancing. You were confident, handsome and full of yourself – the true representation of a fuckboy.

I remember telling my friend that this guy had ‘TROUBLE’ written all over his face. Little did I know you’d become my favorite trouble.

We didn’t talk much that night. Just enough to see that you had game and that you were easy to talk to. Eight of us sitting at that table became very good friends after the wedding. We started hanging out very often afterward. I really saw you just as a friend for a long, long time. Hasta ese momento me enamoré de ti.

Aún puedo imaginar ese momento como si lo viera por primera vez. Estábamos un poco borrachos. Estábamos tan relajados que empezamos a abrirnos el uno al otro.

I can’t remember what we were talking about. Pero recuerdo el momento en que te miré a los ojos y sentí esa chispa. No se parecía a nada que hubiera experimentado en mi vida.

En el fondo de mi mente, seguía sintiendo que eras un problema. Por eso, empecé a mantener las distancias y evitaba pasar tiempo a solas contigo. Siempre estábamos entre amigos, y al final de cada noche, acabábamos solos, hablando.

La química entre nosotros era tan fuerte que me mareaba cada vez que estaba cerca de ti. Tú también lo sentías. Era tan evidente que nuestros amigos habían empezado a burlarse de nosotros. Mi corazón y claramente mis deseos me tiraban hacia ti y mi cerebro se alejaba.

Siempre he seguido mi cerebro, mi instinto, pero esta vez he seguido mi corazón.

And that cost me so many tears. I still can’t understand how someone I ended up loving so much was the same person who hurt me the most.

Has jugado. You chased me to the point where I couldn’t take it anymore and I fell right into your arms. Your heart was pounding so loud the first time you kissed me that it almost silenced the beating of mine.

Caí en tus brazos y me enamoré de ti tan fuerte que ya no había vuelta atrás.

 

After the kiss, after you made me the happiest that I’d ever been, you just disappeared. You bailed on me. You stopped texting me and you wouldn’t answer my calls. You became a ghost.

I couldn’t believe it. I cried my heart out. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t function properly. I never thought you would be able to hurt me intentionally. Me arrepentí de haber seguido a mi corazón.

Me llamó unas semanas más tarde. Después de unas diez llamadas perdidas, decidí contestar. Tu voz era temblorosa. Me rogaste que quedáramos. Querías hablar, querías explicarte. Te dije que sí. Necesitaba un cierre. Necesitaba saber qué había pasado.

“I got scared. You don’t understand, you are perfect. You are the kind of girl I would like to marry one day. You are the girl. You are the one and I am not ready to settle down.”

I didn’t know what you were talking about. Who said anything about marriage? We had only just started something. What the hell were you talking about? And after hours and hours of going round in circles, you asked me the last thing I wanted to hear. You asked me to be friends.

I said we could hang out when we were in the same group of friends but I didn’t want to look at you knowing what had happened. I was mad at you and in love with you at the same time. I didn’t want to pretend that we were just friends as it hurt so badly.

Te he visto mucho. Siempre entre amigos. Siempre cerca pero tan distante al mismo tiempo. Me dolía, así que empecé a evitar esas situaciones. Si sabía que ibas a algún sitio, pasaba de ir allí esa vez. Mantuve la distancia y me hice la vida más fácil.

En algún momento, Seguí adelante. I hadn’t seen you for months. And I started seeing somebody else. A good guy, a safe guy who could never play me like you did. And I began to feel happy again. I left you in the past. At least I thought so.

When I saw you, almost half a year later, my legs started shaking. All the feelings that I thought were gone came rushing back. I knew right away that whatever we had wasn’t over for me yet.

I realized that the feelings I had for you didn’t come back, they just came out of hiding. Because I had hidden them somewhere way back, inside my heart, and I refused to deal with them. I never got over you, I was just deluding myself.

Me preguntaste si le quería, y te dije que sí, sabiendo que estaba mintiendo en el momento en que pronuncié esas palabras. Sólo quería hacerte daño. Sólo quería que sintieras el mismo dolor que me habías causado a mí.

I managed to do so. I saw you crumbling down for the first time since I’d known you. Mr Tough Guy was almost on his knees, breaking right in front of me, telling me that he had been stupid, that he had made a huge mistake, that he hoped that someday we would be together.

I said, “It’s too late for us.”

You said, “It’s never too late for true love.”

I thought that was just one of those clichéd things people say. I didn’t believe it at that moment. I couldn’t allow myself to trust you again. I was certain that you would disappear again as soon as you got me back.

Recuerdo que me fui a casa después de aquello, llorando desconsoladamente, sin poder recuperar el aliento.

 

Days passed and you were on my mind constantly. I couldn’t run from my feelings anymore. I had to face the truth and leave the guy I was dating. I couldn’t stay with him knowing that all my love was with you. I had nothing to give him. If I stayed it would have been worse than cheating.

I chose to stay alone. I couldn’t be with you because I couldn’t trust you. I was too scared of that kind of risk. I thought it was some kind of game you were playing and you would get bored of me as soon as you got me.

Me elegí a mí. Durante más de un año estuve soltero. Encontré trabajo en el extranjero durante unos meses y luego encontré otro al volver a casa.

Participé en un concurso de baile, conocí a gente nueva, fui voluntaria en un refugio de animales, me iba de excursión todos los fines de semana. Hacía cosas por mí, cosas que siempre había querido hacer y nunca había hecho y cosas que me parecían buenas en ese momento.

Me estaba descubriendo a mí misma. Me sentía cómoda estando sola. Me sentía más vivo que nunca en toda mi vida. Me sentía realizada. Era feliz sola, pero tú seguías en mi corazón.

I knew it wouldn’t pass. So when you called that Sunday morning, I felt so happy to see your name on the screen. You said you wanted to talk. You said, “Let’s meet.”

Así que lo hicimos.

My heart was in my mouth the entire time we spoke. Your hands were shaking and you couldn’t sit still. We talked for hours about everything and nothing. We talked about us mostly.

Me pediste una segunda oportunidad. Me dijiste que apostara por ti y que te asegurarías de que nunca me arrepintiera de esa decisión. Me pediste que confiara en ti una vez más. Y por primera vez, sentí que mi corazón y mi cerebro estaban sincronizados. Me sentí amada.

Against all odds, I took the risk. I placed all my bets on you and I haven’t regretted it to this day. You got rid of all your fears. You made me forget about mine. You show me every day that I am the love of your life.

You turned out to be the best thing that happened to me. You are now someone I never imagined you to be. You are my ‘always and forever’.