Mi mujer quiere divorciarse: Esto es lo que hay que hacer (y 8 cosas que hay que evitar)
“I remember her complaining before about some things that made her unhappy, but now my wife wants a divorce!
Never did I think that it would come to this, and now that it has, I have no idea what to do or what to say to her.”
If these or similar thoughts are running through your head at the moment, don’t worry – you’re not alone.
Los problemas matrimoniales suelen pasar desapercibidos para los cónyuges y a matrimonio roto doesn’t become broken overnight.
The fact that you’ve decided to seek virtual assistance speaks volumes about your determination and will to understand why she wants a divorce and what you can do (or avoid doing) to get your wife back.
Firmar los papeles del divorcio es fácil, pero luchar para salvar un matrimonio es algo que sólo hace un hombre de verdad (suponiendo que ella le siga importando).
Como siempre, antes de llegar al meollo de la cuestión y elaborar una estrategia, lo primero que hay que hacer es entender por qué ocurre todo esto, porque un problema definido es un problema reducido a la mitad.
Comprender por qué su mujer quiere divorciarse
Hay muchas razones posibles por las que, tras algunos años de matrimonio, un cónyuge puede empezar a pensar en divorciarse.
Una relación que antes era amorosa se convierte en un mal sueño del que quieres despertar si pasar por un proceso de divorcio o un acuerdo de custodia no es una opción para ti.
Éstas son las razones más posibles (y comunes) por las que su mujer podría querer divorciarse:
1. Aburrimiento
El aburrimiento es el enemigo número uno cuando se trata de cualquier tipo de relación. El proceso del aburrimiento es más o menos así:
Lo mejor del día o de la semana es relajarse en el sofá viendo Netflix, y la única vez que os sorprendéis el uno al otro es cuando dejáis accidentalmente los platos cuando os toca fregarlos.
You can’t remember the last time you did something fun together and you no longer pay attention to the little things that matter (hugging, kissing goodbye, etc.).
And that is when a woman (or both spouses) starts feeling like something is missing, like something is utterly wrong because she’s no longer excited about being married.
Their exciting marriage has fallen into a rut and they’re no longer happy.
Esto es especialmente cierto para las mujeres. Tienes que pensar en tu mujer como en una flor.
Para que florezca y sea feliz, tienes que colmarla de tu amor, afecto y atención, y tienes que seguir persiguiéndola.
Otherwise, she’ll get bored and she will start thinking about finding those things somewhere else, which is the main reason why she might suggest getting a divorce.
2. Influencia externa negativa
En todo matrimonio hay dos tipos de presión: la interna y la externa.
Internal is about what is happening between the two of you in your marriage, whereas external denotes everything that’s happening outside your marriage (which you cannot influence).
For example, a negative external influence would be your spouse’s family member, a friend, or someone close who is not fond of you.
The truth is, we cannot get everyone to like us and there will always be people who will think that we’re not the right choice for their sister, brother, or friend.
Perhaps that’s exactly what’s happening with you at the moment.
If you know that there is someone (or a few of) who doesn’t really like you, chances are they will pressure her to file for divorce.
Y hay dos razones para ello:
• They think you’re incapable of making her happy and that you’re not good for her
• They want to make you feel bad (because they don’t like you)
Usually, it’s a mix of the two, so they become determined to do anything in their power to convince her that getting a divorce is the right decision.
They convince her that they’re worried about her well-being and so on.
It’s hard to fight against an external influence, but if you’re determined to get her back, you will have to convince her (and not them) that getting a divorce is not the right decision.
Relacionado: Mi mujer me quiere pero no me desea: 8 razones y qué hacer
3. Decepción
Otra razón común por la que su esposa podría querer el divorcio es que ella es sentirse decepcionado.
Now, disappointment is often connected with the things you haven’t done that you thought that you would, or with something that you promised her but failed to deliver.
La decepción es una emoción fuerte que puede cambiar toda nuestra perspectiva sobre alguien a quien antes queríamos y en quien creíamos.
So, it’s time to start reminiscing about your marriage and search for any clue of you making promises and disappointing her.
Did you promise her that you would start working on your bad habits, but you didn’t?
Did you tell her that you would spend more of your free time with her, but you didn’t?
Did you promise her that you would help her out with all those household chores, but you didn’t?
Como mujer, puedo decirte una cosa: Cuando prometes algo a una mujer, ella lo recordará.
She will hope that you haven’t forgotten what you said to her and she will wait, until she reaches the point where she won’t wait anymore.
Perhaps your wife has reached that point, so it’s time to ask yourself whether you’ve disappointed her one way or another, because if you have, you will have to redeem yourself (if you don’t want to lose her).
4. Infidelidad
La infidelidad es, sin duda, uno de los destructores más poderosos de un matrimonio.
It destroys trust, the connection between spouses, and everything they’ve built so far.
Si es usted quien le ha sido infiel, entonces probablemente ya sepa la razón por la que su mujer quiere el divorcio.
Even if you’ve done it on impulse and you regret doing it, it still cannot be justified.
Dealing with the consequences of infidelity can turn into a painful, long process, but it’s inevitable if you want to get her back.
You need to convince her that you feel terrible for what you’ve done, you need to apologize from the heart, and promise to her that you will give your best to be a better man.
Tienes que repetir todo eso unas cuantas veces si quieres que siquiera considere volver a confiar en ti.
More importantly, you need to show her that she can trust you and that you won’t hurt her again.
If it is her who has been unfaithful, and you suspect that she wants a divorce because she’s in love with another man, there’s not much you can do about it.
You can be the best version of yourself and if she still doesn’t see it, then you probably shouldn’t bother fighting to save your marriage.
Hacen falta dos para bailar un tango, ¿recuerdas? También hacen falta dos para salvar un matrimonio.
5. “Lack of love”
Su primera cita fue emocionante, su relación fue satisfactoria y disfrutó de cada momento de su matrimonio.
Era evidente para todos los que os rodeaban que estabais locamente enamorados el uno del otro.
It’s just that romantic energy that you ooze and it is seen in your every word and action.
Y entonces, llega un momento en que todo esto cambia de repente o desaparece en el aire.
She’s acting weird half of the time, you no longer show affection to each other, you don’t say nice things to each other, and you no longer ooze that same romantic energy as before.
Lo primero que te viene a la mente es: She doesn’t love me anymore. Yup.
The reason why my wife wants a divorce is because she doesn’t love me anymore.
Or perhaps you don’t love her either? Or you think that the real reason for your broken marriage is the lack of love, when it is actually a lack of something else which, whendiscovered, would change the whole situation between the two of you.
Perhaps you need some time and space for yourself to refresh, contemplate your marriage, and start working on finding a solution for the state you’re in.
As you can see, I put the term “Lack of love” in quotations for a reason because this might be true, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be.
El asesoramiento matrimonial es un buen punto de partida para ayudarle a darse cuenta de si la falta de amor es un problema real en su matrimonio o si se trata de otra cosa.
¡Ella cree que la felicidad está lejos de ti en este momento!
All the above reasons about why your wife might want a divorce can be summarized into one – and that is her believing that happiness is far away from you at the moment.
Cualquiera que sea la razón por la que ella quiere el divorcio, el trasfondo de la misma y el efecto secundario de la razón es sentirse infeliz.
It’s the emotion or lack of emotion that puts us into a state where we no longer feel wanted, loved, or taken care of.
And that’s when we convince ourselves that nothing will ever be the same, and that no matter what you do or say, you will always feel miserable and your marriage is doomed.
When we lose hope, we start doing things we normally wouldn’t.
Empezamos a pensar que terminar una relación o divorciarnos es la única salida y la única solución.
Well, sometimes it is, but sometimes it isn’t. If two people still care about each other, respect each other, and are willing to work on their marriage, then anything is possible.
Tienes que recordarle que la felicidad no está lejos de ti, sino que sigue aquí y que la única forma de activarla es esforzándote y teniendo voluntad de mejorar las cosas.
Véase también: Cómo arreglar un matrimonio roto: Un plan de rescate en 15 pasos
“My Wife Wants A Divorce, How Can I Get Her Back?”
Now that we’re done with all the possible reasons why your wife might want a divorce, it’s time to see what you can do to change her mind and get her back.
Recuerde que se trata de un proceso que requiere paciencia y determinación.
Puede que los resultados no se vean inmediatamente, pero si lo haces todo bien, obtendrás el mejor resultado posible (o el que está destinado a suceder):
1. Escúchala y evalúa tu matrimonio
El error número uno que cometen todos los cónyuges que intentan recuperar a su mujer/marido es pensar que hablar les ayudará a arreglarlo todo.
Hablar es útil, pero escuchar es aún mejor.
Instead of forcing your own agenda and trying to prove that she’s wrong, listen to her.
Porque si la escuchas, aprenderás mucho sobre la verdadera razón por la que quiere el divorcio en primer lugar.
Tienes que abrir todos tus sentidos y apagar tu modo de juzgar.
When she tells you everything that’s on her mind and how she feels about your marriage, put yourself in her shoes and try to see things from a different perspective.
Sometimes, when we’re solely occupied with our own thinking, we forget to see and feel what the other person is going through.
If you don’t listen to her, you won’t know what needs to be changed or fixed.
You need to acknowledge your mistakes (if there are any) and promise that you’ll start working on them.
Tienes que evaluar tu matrimonio y centrarte en todos sus aspectos para poder salvarlo.
Así que, en lugar de limitarte a hablar, intenta escuchar y contemplar.
2. Discúlpate (si es necesario) y trabaja en ti mismo
If you’ve done something bad or if you’ve neglected her, acknowledge it and apologize for it.
Prométele, y lo que es más importante, prométete a ti mismo que empezarás a trabajar para convertirte en la mejor versión de ti mismo.
Esto incluye ambos aspectos de ti (interno y externo; tanto tu mente como tu apariencia).
Haz cambios positivos en ti y en tu entorno, lee artículos/libros de autoayuda y busca ayuda y asesoramiento profesional si lo necesitas.
Recuerda que el verdadero cambio viene de dentro, así que si quieres recuperar a tu cónyuge, tienes que empezar a trabajar en ti mismo.
A happy marriage is not only about effort, sacrifice, and compromise, it’s also about constantly evolving.
Si te estancas, atraes cosas negativas y tu matrimonio también se estanca. Se rompe.
So, it’s time to wake up and see how you can improve yourself. It’s time to become active!
If you want to save your marriage and prove to your spouse that you’re el mismo hombre del que una vez se enamorótienes que demostrar que te importa.
Y la forma más fácil de demostrar que te importa es esforzándote por mejorar las cosas e invertir en tu matrimonio.
Hay muchas cosas que puedes invertir en tu matrimonio y la más importante es el tiempo.
Invertir tiempo significa estar presente y estar dispuesto a asumir el papel de marido que ella se merece.
3. Darle un poco de espacio
Esta es una de las cosas más importantes que muchos cónyuges suelen olvidar.
Yes, your wife wants a divorce because that’s what she’s told you, but she didn’t tell you that she also wants some space.
When she mentioned the word divorce, you probably froze instantly and you couldn’t think of anything else but asking her one too many questions. You couldn’t help but feel disappointed, mad, and helpless.
When you feel that way, you’re at higher risk of doing something stupid and accelerating the whole divorce process.
So, the wisest thing to do in such a situation is to give her some space to think because that’s exactly what she needs at the moment.
If you force her, nag her, or beg her, you will make things even worse, and you don’t want that, right?
So, control yourself, and by giving her some space and time show her that you’re a mature man who respects her.
That’s exactly what she wants and needs! And if you want to get her back, you have to give her what she wants and needs.
You have to show her that you’re compassionate and that you understand her.
4. Seguir viviendo
Como ya se ha mencionado, en el momento en que te das cuenta de la dura verdad de que su mujer quiere el divorcio, your life probably feels like it has stopped and you can’t come to your senses.
Todo lo que puedes pensar es: ¿Qué he hecho mal? Creía que éramos felices (al menos eso esperaba)...
How can I make things right? I hope she’s not serious about all this divorce stuff because I definitely wouldn’t survive that.
Now, if you want your wife back, you have to get rid of this negative mindset and continue living! If you’re constantly acting or feeling like a dead man, your wife will be even more determined to end things with you.
Quiero decir, ¿quién quiere estar con un hombre así?
Nothing personal, but I certainly wouldn’t (and I doubt that any woman would).
You have to show her that you’re stable, that you understand what’s going on, that you accept it, and that you’re ready to start working and making things right.
Anything else would make you look like a cry baby and that’s the last thing you want.
Recuperarás a tu mujer cuando vea lo poderoso y decidido que eres, así que asegúrate de actuar como tal.
5. Ser el hombre del que una vez se enamoró
Think about the first time you saw her, went on a date with her, made love with her… Think about how you felt about her and your relationship back then.
Piensa en cómo la trataste, en cómo te esforzaste por hacerla sentir especial, etc.
Cuando piensa en todo eso, ¿qué ve? ¿Ves a tu mujer sonriendo y rezumando felicidad? Seguro que sí.
Verás, muchos hombres dejan de perseguir a sus esposas una vez que atan el nudo.
They start acting like they’ve finally won her and now all they have to do is enjoy the prize and boast about it.
Olvidan que tienen que seguir persiguiéndolaSigue haciéndola sentir especial y colmándola de gestos románticos.
Because if they don’t, they will most surely lose her. She will start feeling neglected and she will know that they’re not the same man she once fell in love with.
So, be that man! Be the man she once fell in love with. Continue pursuing her like you did when you’d just met her and that’s the only way you’ll win her and keep her.
6. Comuníquese, pero NUNCA discuta
Many people don’t differentiate these two concepts because there’s a thin line between communicating and arguing.
It’s really easy to switch modes without even being aware of it.
I know I said that you should give her some space, but this doesn’t mean cutting all contact with her.
You shouldn’t completely ignore her existence or avoid communication.
When you feel that the time is right, initiate a conversation, but only if you see that she’s not mad or stressed out.
Ask her about how she feels about the whole thing, ask her what she would change in your marriage, and let her know that you’re willing to cooperate.
Comunícate y escúchala, pero nunca discutas. Puse la palabra discutir en negrita por una razón y la razón es que discutir empeora aún más las cosas.
Arguing is an immature way of dealing with a problem, and you’re not an immature man.
You’re a mature, grown ass man who is ready to listen to her, find a solution, and start working on making things better.
If you’re kind of sceptical about it, then repeat the previous sentence in the first-person until it kicks in and you start believing it.
Véase también: 5 maneras eficaces de devolver la chispa a su matrimonio
Cosas que nunca debes hacer si quieres recuperar a tu mujer
Para que no cometas errores ni empeores las cosas, aquí tienes una lista de cosas que nunca debes hacer si quieres recuperar a tu mujer (así que asegúrate de memorizarla bien):
1. Suplicarle, regañarla o presionarla
As I’ve already mentioned, you should avoid any behaviour or communication that includes elements of begging, nagging, or pressuring her.
Si le suplicas, le das la lata o la presionas para que se quede, estará aún más decidida a marcharse.
It’s how human beings operate. If someone gives us an ultimatum or begs us to do something, we immediately start feeling threatened and we become protective of our freedom.
La comunicación sana y la comprensión son el camino a seguir.
2. Actuar con necesidad
En mi opinión, actuar como un necesitado es peor que suplicar o regañar.
Actuar de forma necesitada incluye comportarse como un cachorrito triste o incluso llorar delante de ella para que se sienta mal por todo el asunto.
It’s like begging for compassion, which is really a cheap strategy when it comes to getting someone back.
Los hombres inmaduros actúan como necesitados, pero los maduros se respetan a sí mismos.
3. Idealizarte a ti mismo o a tu matrimonio
Idealizing means listing all the positive things about you or your marriage to convince her that she’s making a mistake.
It’s important to understand that a perfect person or a perfect marriage doesn’t exist, so listing only the cosas positivas no es algo legítimo.
It’s always better to acknowledge both positive and negative sides and then start working on improving them.
4. Implicar a su familia, amigos u otras personas
And, please, don’t use your family or friends as middlemen to encourage your spouse to stay with you.
Don’t go to your mother-in-law, or to a mutual friend and ask them to convince your wife that she is making a mistake.
This is a matter for you and her (it’s your marriage) and you shouldn’t involve other people.
(And if your wife finds out what you did, she definitely won’t be happy.)
5. Arrastrándose sobre ella
When you start overthinking something, there’s a high chance you’ll come to false conclusions.
You might start thinking that she’s doing something behind your back and that’s the reason why she wants a divorce.
You might start creeping on her and following her every move thinking you’ll catch her in the act of doing something sinful, but the chances are that you won’t.
So, whatever you do, don’t creep on her and don’t play detective.
Otherwise, she’ll most probably notice it and get annoyed.
6. Hacerle regalos caros
Showering your wife with expensive gifts will not get your wife back (unless she’s a gold digger).
Bromas aparte, ahora no es el momento de malgastar el dinero en regalos, sino de invertir en uno mismo.
El mejor regalo para ella serías tú trabajando en ti mismo y no un reloj caro u otra cosa.
Things are just things. They don’t have the capacity to compensate for what’s lacking in your marriage.
7. Manipularla
Telling your wife that you’ll do something terrible if she leaves you is one of the most annoying and horrible things you could do.
Manipular a alguien para que se quede contigo es lo más bajo que se puede hacer.
So, don’t do it. No matter how desperate you are, don’t play tricks on her and don’t play with her.
Again, show her that you’re a real man, and not a boy.
8. Enloquecimiento
I understand that going wild sometimes will seem like the only reasonable thing to do, but trust me, it’s not.
Even if she takes off her wedding ring, don’t go wild. Just because she’s taken it off for the time being, it doesn’t mean she cannot put it back on.
Think rationally and don’t let your negative emotions imprison you!
Show understanding, keep working on yourself, and don’t push her.
Do your best and hope for the best. And remember that she has to change her mind by herself. Manipulating her or nagging won’t help.
When you know you’ve done your best, there’s nothing you should feel bad about.
Sometimes, things work out and sometimes they don’t. In case they don’t, no fault divorce is the best option. Good luck!
Véase también: 15 hombres revelan el momento exacto en que supieron que el divorcio era su única opción
