Mujer Expone Condición Masculina Que Puede Sabotear Matrimonio Y Ningún Humor Puede Arreglarlo

That day I got furious because he had forgotten to stop by Target AGAIN, and get the ingredients for my cake. It was for our son’s birthday and I planned to make a cake the day before. I le gritaron e insultaron, y notaron que su cara estaba toda arrugada but he didn’t say anything.

After a few weeks, his colleague’s wife told me they had a very upsetting situation at work. He was stressed out and disappointed but wouldn’t say a word about it. Si me hubiera contado lo que pasó. Lo entendería y le apoyaría.

It’s a well-known fact: men are incapable of speaking about their emotions. A male vocabulary doesn’t contain words that describe their inner impressions y sentimientos.

Gurl, pay attention – lack of verbal exchange creates a crack in your relationship!

Las relaciones son una perpetua danza física, verbal y emocional (se necesitan dos para el tango) Al menos, así es como debería ser. Cuando hay un desequilibrio en el intercambio puede hacer que la relación se vuelva malsana, donde una parte sufre en silencio y la otra se hace la dura.

Una mujer, llamada Katie Hanlon, me abrió los ojos. En un vídeo en TikTok, destaca algunos factores probablemente poco obvios que pueden causar trastornos en las relaciones. Se refiere a investigación acerca de “normative male alexithymia”, and explains it’s a término psicológico para “not being able to name or talk about your emotions.”

In short, men do have feelings but they’re unable to name them and verbally express them. As if they are emotionally illiterate, I would add. Katie is quite convinced that men’s limitaciones para articular emociones son la razón por la que a veces las relaciones flotan en mares agitados.

“Men feel the emotion and they just don’t know how to talk about it, or how to garner empathy from each other about said emotion.”

También subraya que el problema no desaparecerá con el tiempo, y que las parejas no deben ignorar ni subestimar el peligro que entraña. 

Also, men who are prone to holding in emotions tend to pass on this habit to their spouses too. That’s why algunas mujeres eligen soportar la tormenta and hide the emotional grief as they can’t expect any understanding or dialogue with their partners.

“All the couple’s humor in the world does not take away from the fact that you’re just not interested in us.”

This sounds like she believes men are actually not really interested in women and that’s the reason why they rather make jokes instead of having serious talk about what bothers them.

¿Te suena familiar? Sé que cuando intento hablar con mi marido sobre cómo se siente, se pone a bromear o cambia de tema. No se sentirá cómodo hablando de emocionesni decirme si le hago daño (accidentalmente) con una mala elección de palabras.

He won’t communicate the emotion and I’m unfortunately not a mind reader. That creates a grieta que se hace más grande cada vez que se lo guarda todo para él. Con el tiempo nos distanciamos y nuestra relación se resiente.

What he won’t admit is this: destruye su autoestima masculina. We know well, that it’s all rooted in the patriarchy and traditional masculinity. While at the same time:

“I know for a fact there are wives all over the world who regularly cry themselves to sleep over their marriages”

My husband thinks he needs to withhold his feelings and be tough, and it’s forbidden to show any “female-like” traits such as sensitivity or crying, etc. Autocensurarse u ocultar cualquier debilidad impide a los hombres entablar relaciones significativas y sofoca cualquier intercambio emocional en su interior.

Katie cree que si los hombres no están dispuestos a hablar de sus necesidades emocionales, entonces couples can’t start resolving some other common issues such as unequal involvement in child care or housework, and mental workload (project manager of all family activities!) that’s usually more of a woman’s burden in marriage.

A public opinion on TikTok strongly agrees with Katie’s assumptions, and one of the commenters, a woman, named Anu, shared her story: 

“I left a 25 year marriage because of this. I cried on the regular and was always sick. It’s been 6 years and I’ve never been better.”

Un usuario whoisandrewblack subrayó el problema de las normas sociales que hacen que los hombres se comporten como lo hacen:

“Not only are these things not taught/modeled to men, but they are also actively repressed by our society. Each man is completely on his own in this struggle.” 

Another person, jpickle3, made a comment about how men usually don’t start talking about emotions first, but they do react to woman’s emotions:

“When they do talk about emotions it’s when you talk about yours first and they’re upset and express how bad that makes them feel about themselves.”

In the end, I will say that men really need to become friends with their emotions and understand their masculinity will not be compromised by showing vulnerability. You are humans, for God’s sake!