Cómo disculparse por ser infiel: 10 maneras de hacer que tu pareja te perdone
Has fastidiado las cosas. Y las has fastidiado mucho.
You cheated, snuck behind your partner’s back, violated their trust, and les rompió el corazón en un millón de pedazos. Y lo descubrieron.
Naturalmente, te quieren fuera de su vida y de su corazón. Sin embargo, te has dado cuenta de tu error y estás dispuesto a hacer todo lo que esté en tu mano para que te perdonen.
Bueno, esto es lo que suele pasar cuando alguien trampas sobre su ser querido.
Comprendes las consecuencias de tus actos y suplicas otra oportunidad para hacer las cosas bien.
So, how do you do it exactly? Do you write an apology letter in which you simply say “I’m sorry”? Do you keep on texting and calling your significant other until their anger goes away?
¿O intentas echarles toda la culpa? ¿Te justificas y pones excusas falsas a tu comportamiento?
How to apologise for cheating? Well, you’re about to find out.
Sigue los pasos que se indican a continuación y encuentra la mejor manera de salir de esta situación. Mucha suerte.
1. Corta los lazos con la tercera persona
Antes de tomar ninguna medida para arreglar las cosas, lo primero y más importante es romper con tu pareja.
You don’t necessarily have to fight with them, but you can’t stay best friends either.
However, if they are your coworker or some other person you can’t kick out of your life completely, reduce your contact to the bare minimum. There is no texting, no phone calls, no spending time together…
You can’t expect your partner to be okay with the fact that you still hang out with someone you cheated on them with, and you certainly can’t expect to get another chance in those circumstances.
Nevertheless, you shouldn’t blame your lover for anything that has happened either.
Of course, it is never okay to be the third person, but they didn’t force you to become a tramposoNo importa lo que hicieran.
Fuiste tú quien tomó esta decisión, así que no hay necesidad de buscar pelea con ellos y considerarlos culpables de tus errores.
Además, tu pareja podría interpretar mal tu comunicación y llegar a la conclusión de que sigues sintiendo algo por esa persona en cuanto tengas la necesidad de buscar un cierre con ella.
Por lo tanto, lo mejor que puede hacer es interrumpir todo contacto posible con esta persona.
Naturally, you’re not ignorándoles para llamar su atención: you’re doing it because it is the only right thing to do.
Sé radical: bloquea sus perfiles en las redes sociales, bloquea su número y deja de aparecer en los lugares en los que sabes que podrías encontrarte con ellos.
You shouldn’t be doing this to prove something to your partner either: you should make this move only because you’ve realized that this was an awful mistake and because you want this person out of your life.
Don’t wait until you’re sure that your significant other will take you back to cut your lover off.
En lugar de eso, no te pongas en contacto con ellos antes de intentarlo e incluso antes de empezar a disculparte.
Trust me—this is the only way for them to see that you’re serious and that you’re really sorry about everything you did.
2. Entender por qué lo hizo
The next step doesn’t have a lot to do with your significant other: it is something you have to do on your own.
Para empezar, empiece a analizar su problemas de parejay tratar de averiguar por qué hiciste todo esto.
This is one of the first questions you’ll be asked when you confront your partner, so it is better to have an answer ready.
¿Qué echabas de menos en tu relación que intentaste buscar en otra parte?
¿Te sentías desatendido emocionalmente? ¿O intentabas devolver a tu ser querido algo que hizo en el pasado?
Did your relationship fall into a rut? Were you looking for butterflies and the excitement you haven’t been getting for some time?
¿Intentaste demostrarte a ti mismo que aún tienes lo que hay que tener para conquistar a alguien del sexo opuesto?
Or you were just not thinking straight and don’t even know why you did it?
Even when you get to the bottom of each one of these questions, they don’t free you from guilt.
It doesn’t matter what was going on in your relationship: cheating is never an option.
Si tu relación pasaba por momentos difíciles, deberías haber actuado como un adulto maduro y esforzarte por arreglar las cosas.
Si hubieras visto que vosotros dos como pareja estabais condenados al fracaso, podrías haberte alejado a tiempo en lugar de hacer todo esto.
No importa lo que tu pareja te haya hecho y cómo te haya tratado, esta nunca es una forma de resolver tus problemas de pareja o de hacer que cambie.
Otra cosa en la que deberías pensar es en tus sentimientos hacia tu pareja.
¿No fue más que pasión o se enamoró de ellos?
Did you break things off with them out of fear that you’ll lose your relationship or marriage, which are way more permanent and secure or did you really understand that you were making a mistake?
3. Decide si merece la pena luchar por la relación
After you’ve gotten all the answers, it is time to look at your relationship as realistically as possible.
¿Es realmente por la que merece la pena luchar¿Hay alguna posibilidad de que arregléis las cosas después de este desastre?
Don’t get me wrong—I’m not trying to justify your affair in any way, but it is more than clear that something was off in your relationship as long as you cheated. Well, is this something that can be fixed?
¿Tienen usted y su pareja la fuerza y la capacidad de pasar página y empezar de nuevo, sin mirar atrás?
Or will this entire effort be pointless because deep down, you’re perfectly aware that you can’t succeed?
¿Esperas que tu pareja te lo devuelva a la primera oportunidad? ¿Serán capaces de perdonarte de verdad por todo?
Are you done with your affairs? Do you sincerely think that you won’t repeat the same mistake at the first glance of trouble?
¿Os queréis lo suficiente como para hacer que las cosas funcionen, a pesar de esta traición y humillación?
¿Estás dispuesto a hacer lo que haga falta para recuperar a esa persona?
If you’re trying to rebuild your broken relationship just out of habit and nostalgia and are not sure that you won’t engage in another affair soon, please give up in time.
Ya has hecho bastante daño a esta persona, y lo último que necesita es que vuelvas a apuñalarla por la espalda.
Sin embargo, si crees que es algo por lo que merece la pena luchar y tu pareja es tu alma gemela, arrepiéntete y haz lo que sea necesario para que te acepte de nuevo.
4. Proporcione una explicación detallada
When you’re trying to figure out how to apologize for cheating and lying, you have to be ready to be interrogated by your partner.
After all, they won’t forgive you just like that, without finding out everything they’re interested in.
Don’t lie and don’t poner excusas porque eso sólo hará que se enfaden aún más.
Don’t try making them a fool—just be as honest as possible.
Of course, you won’t talk about some sexual details, but you shouldn’t wrap things up in a shiny paper either.
Besides, be aware that your partner probably knows a lot more than you might think, so don’t let them catch you lying again.
After all, you’ve already done enough, so getting another strike against yourself is the last thing you need.
Cuando tu pareja te pregunte por qué le engañaste, dile la verdad.
Sé sincero sobre cuánto duró tu aventura, si fue una relación real o sólo una aventura casual, si fue sólo sexo o hubo emociones de por medio, si ocurrió por primera vez o seguiste haciéndolo, y cualquier otra información que quieran saber.
I know you’re trying to spare them, but believe me when I tell you that coming clean is the only way to start over without any emotional baggage from the past.
Recuerda: la verdad no se puede ocultar, y tu pareja lo descubrirá todo tarde o temprano.
Por lo tanto, siempre es mejor que seas tú quien se lo cuente todo.
Tienes que acabar con esto de una vez por todas en lugar de esconderlo bajo la alfombra y preocuparte constantemente por cuándo reaparecerá.
I’ll be harsh here, but I don’t care if you’re ashamed to talk about all of this.
Yes, I know that you would rather skip this topic, but you weren’t ashamed when you were fooling around, so now is the time to man (or woman) up and stand by your actions.
At first, wanting to know all of this sounds masochistic. However, if having all the necessary information will help your partner feel more in control and eventually forgive you, it’s what you have to do.
They just want to know everything they’re dealing with, and they’re testing your honesty.
5. Asumir la plena responsabilidad
Repeat after me: “I’m the only one guilty for everything that went on, and I’m sorry.
Nobody forced or manipulated me into committing adultery, and no matter what was going in my relationship at that moment, I’m the one who is guilty.”
No son sólo las palabras que debes decirle a tu pareja para que te perdone y te acepte de nuevo.
Esto es realmente la verdad, y algo en lo que tienes que empezar a creer antes de decírselo a nadie.
It doesn’t matter if you had a long-lasting affair or you had a one-night-stand with someone while you were wasted or in a fight with your significant other: your sin is the same.
You’re an adult, and you consciously chose to do the wrong thing, without thinking about how your partner feels.
You’re responsible for cheating, for humiliating and hurting your partner, and for destroying everything the two of you have been building for years.
Responsable de todos los traumas y cicatrices que todo esto pueda dejarles, de sus problemas de confianza y de que se cuestionen su valía.
You carry full responsibility for their every tear and heartache. So, you’re the only one who should be judged.
Lo peor que se te puede ocurrir es echar la culpa a los demás.
Don’t plan on getting away with your misdeeds by accusing your partner of not giving you their undivided attention, of not loving you enough or of not treating you the way you deserved.
Ellos son las víctimas aquí, ¡y la víctima nunca es culpable!
As was already stated, you could have tried changing the situation or leaving it, but out of all the options, you chose cheating—like a real coward.
Also, remember that you ought to be sorry for everything you did—not for getting caught.
Discúlpate con tu pareja y sé la mejor persona por tus fechorías, no porque te hayan descubierto.
Do it because it is the right thing and because you want to—not because it is expected of you and not because it is something you should do in this type of situation.
If it’s necessary, write a sincere apology letter and put all of your feelings on a piece of paper.
For example, start with telling them “I’m sorry for what I did and I promise I’ll never do it again.”
Es una buena idea incluso si tu prometido o tu cónyuge se niegan a escucharte: envíales una carta de disculpa para hacerles saber cómo te sientes.
6. Disculparse sin expectativas
Tu pareja y tú habéis pasado por muchas cosas y habéis pasado mucho tiempo juntos.
Los dos teníais grandes planes y compartíais emociones profundas.
It doesn’t matter what happened later on—the fact is that at one point, this was the reality of your relationship.
Aunque ahora no haya rastro de sentimientos románticos entre vosotros dos, lo vuestro fue una cosa y tenéis una historia juntos.
Por lo tanto, su relación y todo lo que han pasado juntos merecen respeto, y merecen su disculpa sincera.
Have in mind that you are a cheater and that your partner doesn’t have to give you a second chance. In fact, they have every right to forgive you but not want you back in their life.
Por eso hay que disculparse sin expectativas.
Tell them straightforwardly that you know you’re in no position to make any demands and that you just want them to know how terribly sorry you are for causing them this pain and for destroying your romance.
Don’t even think of insulting them or changing your story even if you see that they have no intention of forgiving you.
They’re not the bad guy here, and you’re the one who needs to stay humble until the end because you’re the one who made an awful mistake.
Also, make sure you apologize in private. Avoid writing apology letters and posting them on social media or involving your mutual friends in all of this because they won’t help you.
7. Darles tiempo
When you hurt someone, you can’t expect one sincere apology to magically erase everything you did and fix things overnight.
La gente necesita tiempo para procesar las cosas, aceptarlas y, por último, decidir si mereces su perdón o no.
Y tu pareja no es una excepción. Ser infiel es terrible, y es natural que te pidan que te alejes durante cierto tiempo hasta que piensen todo y pasen por el proceso de recuperación de la aventura.
So, don’t demand an answer right away simply because they can’t give you one.
Even if your significant other already knows what the outcome will be but wants to torture you a little bit, it is what you deserve—as awful as it might sound.
Give them as much time as they need to come to a decision. On the other hand, if you’re not ready to wait, tell them straightforwardly, and try setting a date by which they will give you their final answer.
Use this period of time to work on rebuilding trust. Don’t be a stalker and don’t push them too hard, but let them know that you’re there and that you’re not going anywhere.
Show them that you really will change and that you’ll do whatever it takes for their forgiveness.
Si no hay nada más, sea su mejor amigo y alguien con quien puedan contar, a pesar de todo lo que ha pasado.
Don’t even think of dating other people during this time, let alone getting back in touch with your lover.
Yes, you will be officially single, but that doesn’t give you the right to fool around while you’re allegedly trying to rebuild your relationship.
8. Prepárate para el peor de los casos
I will be straight with you: don’t expect too much out of this. Don’t get your hopes up because there is a big possibility of your partner choosing not to forgive and sending you to hell.
Por lo tanto, esto es algo para lo que simplemente tienes que prepararte. En realidad, es algo para lo que deberías haber estado preparado desde el momento en que decidiste involucrarte en este asunto.
Not only that—your significant other might insult you, call you names, and refuse to even give you an opportunity to explain yourself.
Even if the worst thing happens and you two break up, remember that it is your fault and that you’re the one who caused it.
I’m not saying not to put all your efforts in apologizing—I’m just introducing you to all of your options, so you don’t start acting all surprised if they cut all ties and kick you out of their life, as if you were never a part of it.
However, even if this occurs, at least you’ll always know you didn’t give up without a decent fight.
Despite the outcome, you’ll know that you did everything you could and that you gave it your best.
Of course, if you have any conscience, this won’t help you a lot. You’ll still have to live with yourself and with the fact that you are the one who blew things.
However, if your partner decides to forgive you, don’t forget to appreciate it more than anything and finally put them in primer puesto en tu vida.
Don’t see it as a green light to keep on hurting them, and don’t take them for a fool just because they decided to give you another chance.
9. Don’t expect everything to be the same
Cuando rompes un plato, se rompe en mil pedazos. Y cuando lo pegas e intentas recomponerlo, quedan cicatrices para siempre.
Well, that is exactly what will happen with your relationship and your significant other’s heart, even if they accept your apology and decide to take you back.
The harsh truth is that things will never be the same, and you shouldn’t expect them to be.
La confianza que ustedes dos tenían fue violada, y todo su romance fue puesto en peligro.
Everything you two had and all the love you shared is in question, so don’t think that your partner will start acting like nothing has happened just like that.
I’m not saying that you should spend a lifetime apologizing for your affair.
Al fin y al cabo, si tu ser querido decide perdonarte, no tiene sentido sacar el tema todos los días ni guardarle rencor.
In this case scenario, it is better for them to be honest from the start and tell you that they can’t continue living next to you then to make your future a living hell and a torture for both of you. Nevertheless, be aware that this experience changed them for good.
Tardarás años en recuperar su confianza y en que olviden de verdad el dolor por el que les hiciste pasar, porque tardarán años en curarse realmente de él.
Cuando alguien te engaña, necesitas mucho tiempo para curarte, para recuperar tu autoestimay superarlo.
And a lot of people don’t succeed in accomplishing all of this is hard work.
Por supuesto, los milagros siempre son posibles. Existe la posibilidad de que este acontecimiento fortalezca su relación, por descabellado que parezca.
Don’t see this as a sign that you should continue being unfaithful to reavivar la pasión en su romance, pero lo cierto es que algunas parejas empiezan a quererse aún más después de que su relación sobreviva con éxito a una aventura.
El miedo a perderse el uno al otro les hace corregir sus errores y les hace apreciar aún más todo lo que comparten.
Básicamente, nunca puedes estar seguro de lo que ocurrirá y sólo puedes esperar que se produzca esta segunda opción.
Either way, nothing will ever be the same—there is no doubt about that.
10. Tener en cuenta el asesoramiento
Perdonar a un cónyuge infiel, reconstruir la confianza y salvar una relación después de una aventura es un trabajo duro. Sin embargo, es posible.
A lot of people are willing to work things out, but they simply don’t manage to do so, despite all their efforts.
They’re simply unable to find common ground but are sure that they want to give a una segunda oportunidad a su relación.
Sometimes, the cheating spouse refuses to take full responsibility or can’t give an answer to why he or she committed adultery.
Or the other person can’t find the strength to forgive the cheater, even though they want to, and keep on resenting their partner after taking them back.
In a situation where you’re trying to figure out how to apologize after cheating and your fiance or spouse is wondering how to forgive you, the best option is to seek professional help.
No hay nada de qué avergonzarse: al fin y al cabo, hay expertos y especialistas formados para estas situaciones que te echarán una mano y te empujarán en la dirección correcta.
In fact, consider it a sign of your good luck if your partner proposes therapy and couple’s counseling.
Es una señal inequívoca de que quieren arreglar las cosas y de que quieren que vosotros dos salvéis esta relación con fuerzas comunes.
If you two decide that this is the best option, follow the therapist’s instructions, even if you don’t like them at first.
Maybe they’ll ask you to write a letter of apology in which you’ll acknowledge everything you did and put your emotions on paper or do some other exercises which have the goal of repairing your bond.
Trust me—they know what they’re doing, and it will all be for your good and for the good of your relationship.
