¿Te fijas en el exterior o en el interior?

What draws you to another person can say a lot about your own morals and values. In order to garner a better sense of self and understand what makes us tick, we can take a closer look at the connections we’ve made and dissect why we’ve made them. Why do we enjoy the company of some more than others? We can also take a look at what attracts us to another person when we first meet them. Do we look primarily at the interior—are we drawn to their mind, their heart, their life perspective—or the exterior? Would we rather associate with someone who is físicamente atractivo¿rico o conocido?

La próxima vez que entable una conversación significativa con alguien a quien aprecia, o con quien se encuentra por primera vez, piense en lo que le gusta de esa persona. ¿Qué es lo que hace que esta conexión tenga sentido?

This may be particularly important to ponder during that initial conversation. This could be a potential partnership or friendship, a new colleague or cohort. When engaging in first-time conversations we often make judgments more quickly than we like to admit. We like the way this person dresses or we don’t. We like the way they talk, or we don’t. We like their sense of style, how they interact with others or the environment around them, etc.

After you’ve returned to a quiet space later in the day, note mentally what you noticed and why. Maybe you actually had no idea what this new acquaintance was wearing or how they talked. Maybe you felt a positive intangible vibe between the two of you or something seemed odd and you just can’t put your finger on it. Did you find their words genuine or did their body language seem insincere?

¿Por qué es importante? La forma en que juzgamos a los demás, sobre todo cuando los juicios son más objetivos que subjetivos, dice mucho de lo que intentamos ser. It’s more difficult to examine how we feel about a family member or friend we’ve known our whole life than it is someone brand new. So, figuring out what passed through our mind during an early initial meeting or two will offer insight into how our subconscious is operating and why we present the way we do.

¿Notas principalmente rasgos físicos, mentales, emocionales o de comportamiento? ¿Le gustaría que esta persona observara los mismos rasgos en usted? ¿Pasa más tiempo escuchando activamente a los demás o dando su opinión? ¿Le gusta dedicar más tiempo a su propia apariencia cuando conoce a alguien nuevo? ¿Por qué?

If you’ve ever been in an abusive attachment, you probably understand how important it is to look beyond the physical and take note of the person’s heart. Some, unfortunately, learn this the hard way. But once you make the mistake of trusting someone who didn’t deserve it, you are forever more careful to consider what’s hidden beneath the surface.

¿Parecen auténticas las intenciones del otro? ¿Son profundas? ¿Están realmente interesados en conocerte o más bien en tenerte? Para evitar volver a entrar en una situación perjudicial, debemos asegurarnos de no quedarnos atrapados en lo superficial.

Piensa también si estás siendo sincero con esa persona o intentas proyectar una falsa imagen de ti mismo. ¿Te interesa lo que tienen que decirte o intentas que te conozcan? Para evitar volver a entrar en una situación tóxica, también es importante saber a qué atenerse.

Of course, someone can legitimately have it all—the looks, the personality, and a good heart. Just make sure you understand the difference between having everything and pretending to have everything. And always remember to stick to your morals and what’s important to you.

No one is perfect. It’s important to see through a false projection of perfection, and to not hold someone to unachievable standards at the same time. After all, we would want others to aceptar nuestras propias imperfecciones without having to pretend they don’t exist. The most meaningful connections are those that are the most real from the very start.