7 señales de una relación tumultuosa (¿deberías quedarte?)

Quarreling with your partner is perfectly normal. But if you’re experiencing relationship problems on a regular basis, it’s time to consider that maybe you’re stuck in a tumultuous relationship.

Este tipo de relación se caracteriza por discusiones constantes, una grave falta de confianza y un agotamiento total en el que las cosas van de mal en peor.

If you’ve been neglecting some unresolved issues and ignoring countless red flags, this is your chance to get to the bottom of su relación inestable.

Experiencing emotional exhaustion on account of your partner is detrimental to your mental health. It’s also a warning sign that requires necessary changes to be made.

A relationship shouldn’t be a rollercoaster ride. It’s supposed to be your safe haven. Despite your deep connection and a terrific sex life, never ignore warning signs that something just isn’t right.

Here’s my relationship advice that aims to help you uncover the troubling signs and deal with your messy romance once and for all.

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¿Tiene una relación tumultuosa?

1. Tus peleas nunca se cierran

¿Te encuentras peleando por la misma cosa por millonésima vez? ¿La idea del cierre no es más que un sueño?

Then, I’m afraid, you’re stuck in an unhealthy pattern that can only be described as a messy romance.

Las parejas en relaciones tumultuosas siguen teniendo las mismas discusiones debido a su falta de capacidad para encontrar un cierre. Eso contribuye a una mentalidad que te convence de que es normal.

But it’s not.

You’re on a rollercoaster ride that requires much more than simple dating tips. You need to figure out how long this cycle can continue before one of you is done.

It’s okay to have fights, but you also need to find a way to end them in a healthy way. Each unresolved issue leaves an invisible dent in your relationship that is slowly wreaking havoc on your mind.

It’s only a matter of time before one meaningless argument turns into an explosive, relationship-ending brawl.

2. Utilizas la manipulación para salirte con la tuya

It goes without saying that in a healthy romantic relationship there’s no room for manipulation.

Pero en tu caso, se ha convertido en la norma. Recurres a las evasivas, a ponerte a la defensiva, a culpabilizar a tu pareja y a manipularla para que todo sea como tú quieres.

Este es un signo clásico de una relación inestable. Cuándo fue la última vez que hablaste con tu pareja y llegaste a un acuerdo?

Are you even aware that you’re resorting to deceitful means to get your way? Sadly, this type of behavior often becomes so regular that it’s confused for normal.

It’s not though. You should never have to play mind games with the person you share your life with.

Véase también: Esto es lo que significa realmente el amor desinteresado

3. Eres demasiado pegajoso y dependiente de ellos

Las parejas en relaciones tumultuosas suelen desarrollar un vínculo de dependencia entre sí. Puede ser fácilmente por su parte o incluso viceversa.

But it’s not healthy. Your happiness should never depend on someone else’s. Your life choices should never be based on someone else’s opinions and actions.

When you’re too clingy and depend on your partner for everything, your chances of being miserable increase exponentially.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re a 26-year-old or a 40-year-old. Finding your own ground is the only healthy way to go on through life.

Yes, your partner’s opinions and feelings matter but when it comes to how you’re feeling about yourself and your choices, nobody’s opinion should trump your own.

4. You’re emotionally shut off from your partner

When you’re used to this type of romance, it becomes all too easy to shut yourself off from your partner. More often than not, it happens completely inadvertently.

You distance yourself emotionally so as to keep yourself away from possible fights. You don’t share your pain as you’re afraid of being misunderstood.

Todo eso conduce gradualmente a un cierre emocional que planta la semilla de la incertidumbre y la duda en tu relación.

Lenta pero inexorablemente, se convierten en dos extraños que siguen encontrando obstáculos insalvables, pero nunca una salida.

¿Y sabes por qué? Porque con el tiempo, dejas de comunicarte sin darte cuenta.

Esto se convierte en una norma tóxica y conduce a un vacío emocional que sigue destrozándote.

¿Se ha preguntado alguna vez cuál es la causa?

5. Un momento feliz te hace olvidar todos los malos momentos

Este es el patrón más común en las relaciones tumultuosas. Como todo es tan incierto e inestable, un momento feliz y tranquilo te da una (falsa) sensación de alivio.

You’re willing to forget about every bad thing that has happened thanks to one moment of tranquility. It’s a textbook example of a rocky romance.

You’ve set the bar so low, that it doesn’t take much for you to believe that this is the standard for a happy romance. It’s not.

Yes, there are bad moments at times, but they should never prevail! Relationships aren’t built on rough patches.

They’re built of communication, consideration, and respect.

Experiencing a moment of happiness doesn’t erase the countless rocky roads that have been eating away at you for a significant period of time.

Véase también: Citas de traición amorosa: 120 refranes para superar el dolor

6. There’s a constant feeling of fear and uncertainty

You’re never sure of your relationship. Every time there’s an argument, you’re scared of being dumped.

In these types of relationships, it’s either one extreme or the other, but there is no in-between.

If things are good for a second, you’re over the moon and if there’s a tiny fight, you’re scared of a breakup.

But what happened to being happy, stable, and on solid ground? Your rocky romance has made you believe that you don’t deserve it.

You think that this is all you can get, which is why you’re not letting go anytime soon. But this is the exact opposite of a healthy relationship.

When you’re happy, there’s no room for doubt. You simply know your partner has your back, and vice versa.

Pero en las historias de amor tumultuoso, uno siempre está al borde del asiento.

¿Por qué? Porque nunca sabes realmente a qué atenerte.

7. Te quejas con tus amigos sobre tu relación

Llegados a este punto, más vale que empiecen a cobrarte. Pero bromas aparte, si tu relación es la causa de tanto drama, buscar ayuda profesional quizá no sea la peor idea.

Unresolved issues will keep piling up for as long as you keep ignoring them. Your friends cannot offer you a satisfactory solution as it’s an internal decision.

Turning to other people as opposed to your partner means there’s a significant lack of trust and support in your relationship.

Y esas dos cosas son la base de una relación sana.

Your life partner should be at the end of those conversations, not your friends. Have you ever wondered why that’s not the case?

¿Merece la pena salvar tu romance rocoso?

If you’ve checked off most of the aforementioned boxes, it’s time to see if there’s anything worth saving. These questions will help you resolve your doubts.

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1. ¿Qué es lo que realmente te gusta de ellos?

Esta parte te ayudará a evaluar si merece la pena salvar tu relación. ¿Te gusta esta persona?

And I’m not talking about what they can do for you. I’m talking about who they are deep down.

There is no point in committing to someone you don’t even like. Do you like who they are and how they make you feel?

Esto es lo primero que debe comprobar antes de seguir adelante.

2. ¿Sigue siendo la persona de la que te enamoraste?

Now that you’re aware of what a healthy relationship should resemble, can you say with certainty that they are still the person you believe is destined for you?

¿Sigue siendo la misma persona por la que tu corazón se aceleró cuando os conocisteis hace tantos años? ¿Sigue mereciendo tu amor?

Know when it’s time to move on and when there’s room for growth.

3. ¿Estar con ellos es perjudicial para tu salud?

It’s very simple. If you can honestly say that arguing with them affects your sanity, then it’s time to reprioritize. Arguments are there to find common ground, closure, and move on.

But if every time you engage in a dispute, you feel like your mental health is suffering, ask yourself what’s left to salvage. Prioritize yourself over a relationship that has run its course. If you don’t put yourself first, who will?

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4. ¿Con qué frecuencia te sientes miserable en secreto?

Sea sincero. ¿Cuántas veces al día te preguntas cuándo dejará de dolerte? ¿Cuántas veces al día tienes que evitar que las lágrimas caigan por tu cara?

You don’t have to be strong all the time. It’s okay to admit defeat if there’s nothing left to fight for! Move on if your sad days trump your happy days.

La vida es demasiado corta para conformarse con una vida amorosa insatisfactoria.

5. ¿Les sigues poniendo excusas?

How often do you find yourself making excuses for their behavior? How many times have you tried to convince yourself that you’re happy with their actions?

You need to set some new rules for what’s worth tolerating.

Don’t force yourself to stay in a relationship that doesn’t encourage personal growth. Don’t stay if you’re faking happiness because it’s easier than starting over.

You have no idea how much burden you’ll rid yourself of if you choose yourself over a failed romance.

6. 6. ¿Eres feliz?

This is what it all comes down to. Don’t for one second believe that you don’t deserve happiness. Never believe that mediocre love is your destiny. Why? Because you deserve whatever you dare dream of.

Te mereces ese romanticismo de película y pequeñas sorpresas. Te mereces reír hasta que te duela el estómago.

You deserve peace and calm. And more than anything, you deserve happiness. If you’re not happy, what’s the point?

Véase también: Cómo conseguir que te pida matrimonio: 20 tácticas sencillas pero eficaces

Love Is Pretty Simple…

People are the ones who make it complicated. Being in a tumultuous relationship may have become your norm, but that doesn’t make it your final destination.

Don’t make yourself stay in a place that stunts your growth. Choose happiness over toxic displays of affection that keep taking away from it.

If being with your partner brings you more sadness and uncertainty than it does happiness, what’s there even to think about?

El amor debe elevarte y animarte. Debería mejorarte como ser humano y enseñarte desinterés y perseverancia en tiempos de lucha. Estar en una relación tóxica can’t teach you any of that. 

I’m all for fighting tooth and nail when the relationship is worth the fight but when there’s nothing left to salvage, shouldn’t you count your losses and start anew?

En el fondo, probablemente ya sepas la respuesta. La única pregunta es: ¿estás preparado para afrontarla?

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