Quarreling with your partner is perfectly normal. But if you’re experiencing relationship problems on a regular basis, it’s time to consider that maybe you’re stuck in a tumultuous relationship.
This type of relationship is characterized by constant arguments, a severe lack of trust, and complete exhaustion where things keep going from bad to worse.
If you’ve been neglecting some unresolved issues and ignoring countless red flags, this is your chance to get to the bottom of your rocky relationship.
Experiencing emotional exhaustion on account of your partner is detrimental to your mental health. It’s also a warning sign that requires necessary changes to be made.
A relationship shouldn’t be a rollercoaster ride. It’s supposed to be your safe haven. Despite your deep connection and a terrific sex life, never ignore warning signs that something just isn’t right.
Here’s my relationship advice that aims to help you uncover the troubling signs and deal with your messy romance once and for all.
Are You In A Tumultuous Relationship?
1. Your fights never have closure
Do you find yourself fighting about the same thing for the millionth time? Is the idea of closure nothing but a dream?
Then, I’m afraid, you’re stuck in an unhealthy pattern that can only be described as a messy romance.
Couples in tumultuous relationships keep having the same arguments due to their lack of ability to find closure. That contributes to a mindset that convinces you that this is normal.
But it’s not.
You’re on a rollercoaster ride that requires much more than simple dating tips. You need to figure out how long this cycle can continue before one of you is done.
It’s okay to have fights, but you also need to find a way to end them in a healthy way. Each unresolved issue leaves an invisible dent in your relationship that is slowly wreaking havoc on your mind.
It’s only a matter of time before one meaningless argument turns into an explosive, relationship-ending brawl.
2. You use manipulation to get your way
It goes without saying that in a healthy romantic relationship there’s no room for manipulation.
But in your case, it has become the norm. You resort to stonewalling, getting defensive, guilt-tripping your partner, and manipulating them into having everything the way you want it to be.
This is a classic sign of a rocky relationship. When was the last time you talked to your partner and found a compromise?
Are you even aware that you’re resorting to deceitful means to get your way? Sadly, this type of behavior often becomes so regular that it’s confused for normal.
It’s not though. You should never have to play mind games with the person you share your life with.
See also: This Is What Selfless Love Really Means
3. You are too clingy and dependent on them
Partners in tumultuous relationships often develop a dependent bond with each other. It may easily be on your part or even vice versa.
But it’s not healthy. Your happiness should never depend on someone else’s. Your life choices should never be based on someone else’s opinions and actions.
When you’re too clingy and depend on your partner for everything, your chances of being miserable increase exponentially.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re a 26-year-old or a 40-year-old. Finding your own ground is the only healthy way to go on through life.
Yes, your partner’s opinions and feelings matter but when it comes to how you’re feeling about yourself and your choices, nobody’s opinion should trump your own.
4. You’re emotionally shut off from your partner
When you’re used to this type of romance, it becomes all too easy to shut yourself off from your partner. More often than not, it happens completely inadvertently.
You distance yourself emotionally so as to keep yourself away from possible fights. You don’t share your pain as you’re afraid of being misunderstood.
All that gradually leads to an emotional shutdown that plants the seed of uncertainty and doubt in your relationship.
Slowly, but surely, you become two strangers who keep finding insurmountable obstacles but never a way out.
And do you know why? Because with time, you stop communicating without even realizing it.
This becomes a toxic norm and it leads to an emotional void that keeps tearing you apart.
Have you ever wondered what caused this in the first place?
5. One happy moment makes you forget all the crappy ones
This is the most common pattern in tumultuous relationships. Because everything is so uncertain and unstable, one happy, peaceful moment gives you a (fake) sense of relief.
You’re willing to forget about every bad thing that has happened thanks to one moment of tranquility. It’s a textbook example of a rocky romance.
You’ve set the bar so low, that it doesn’t take much for you to believe that this is the standard for a happy romance. It’s not.
Yes, there are bad moments at times, but they should never prevail! Relationships aren’t built on rough patches.
They’re built of communication, consideration, and respect.
Experiencing a moment of happiness doesn’t erase the countless rocky roads that have been eating away at you for a significant period of time.
6. There’s a constant feeling of fear and uncertainty
You’re never sure of your relationship. Every time there’s an argument, you’re scared of being dumped.
In these types of relationships, it’s either one extreme or the other, but there is no in-between.
If things are good for a second, you’re over the moon and if there’s a tiny fight, you’re scared of a breakup.
But what happened to being happy, stable, and on solid ground? Your rocky romance has made you believe that you don’t deserve it.
You think that this is all you can get, which is why you’re not letting go anytime soon. But this is the exact opposite of a healthy relationship.
When you’re happy, there’s no room for doubt. You simply know your partner has your back, and vice versa.
But in tumultuous love stories, you are always at the edge of your seat.
Why? Because you never really know where you stand.
7. You complain to your friends about your relationship
At this point, they might as well start charging you. But all jokes aside, if your relationship is the cause of so much drama, seeking professional help might not be the worst idea.
Unresolved issues will keep piling up for as long as you keep ignoring them. Your friends cannot offer you a satisfactory solution as it’s an internal decision.
Turning to other people as opposed to your partner means there’s a significant lack of trust and support in your relationship.
And those two things just happen to be at the heart of a healthy relationship.
Your life partner should be at the end of those conversations, not your friends. Have you ever wondered why that’s not the case?
Is Your Rocky Romance Worth Salvaging?
If you’ve checked off most of the aforementioned boxes, it’s time to see if there’s anything worth saving. These questions will help you resolve your doubts.
1. What do you truly like about them?
This part will help you assess if your relationship is worth saving. Do you like this person?
And I’m not talking about what they can do for you. I’m talking about who they are deep down.
There is no point in committing to someone you don’t even like. Do you like who they are and how they make you feel?
That is the first thing you need to check off before going any further.
2. Are they still the person you fell for?
Now that you’re aware of what a healthy relationship should resemble, can you say with certainty that they are still the person you believe is destined for you?
Are they still the same person your heart raced for when you met all those years ago? Do they still deserve your love?
Know when it’s time to move on and when there’s room for growth.
3. Is being with them detrimental to your health?
It’s very simple. If you can honestly say that arguing with them affects your sanity, then it’s time to reprioritize. Arguments are there to find common ground, closure, and move on.
But if every time you engage in a dispute, you feel like your mental health is suffering, ask yourself what’s left to salvage. Prioritize yourself over a relationship that has run its course. If you don’t put yourself first, who will?
4. How often are you secretly miserable?
Be honest. How many times a day do you find yourself wondering when the pain will stop? How many times a day do you have to stop tears from streaming down your face?
You don’t have to be strong all the time. It’s okay to admit defeat if there’s nothing left to fight for! Move on if your sad days trump your happy days.
Life is way too short to settle for an unfulfilling love life.
5. Do you keep making excuses for them?
How often do you find yourself making excuses for their behavior? How many times have you tried to convince yourself that you’re happy with their actions?
You need to set some new rules for what’s worth tolerating.
Don’t force yourself to stay in a relationship that doesn’t encourage personal growth. Don’t stay if you’re faking happiness because it’s easier than starting over.
You have no idea how much burden you’ll rid yourself of if you choose yourself over a failed romance.
6. Are you happy?
This is what it all comes down to. Don’t for one second believe that you don’t deserve happiness. Never believe that mediocre love is your destiny. Why? Because you deserve whatever you dare dream of.
You deserve that movie romance and little surprises. You deserve laughing until your stomach hurts.
You deserve peace and calm. And more than anything, you deserve happiness. If you’re not happy, what’s the point?
Love Is Pretty Simple…
People are the ones who make it complicated. Being in a tumultuous relationship may have become your norm, but that doesn’t make it your final destination.
Don’t make yourself stay in a place that stunts your growth. Choose happiness over toxic displays of affection that keep taking away from it.
If being with your partner brings you more sadness and uncertainty than it does happiness, what’s there even to think about?
Love should uplift and encourage you. It should better you as a human being and teach you selflessness and perseverance in times of struggle. Being in a toxic relationship can’t teach you any of that.
I’m all for fighting tooth and nail when the relationship is worth the fight but when there’s nothing left to salvage, shouldn’t you count your losses and start anew?
Deep down, you probably already know the answer. The only question is, are you ready to face it?