Most parents don’t set out to say the wrong thing. But in moments of stress, habit, or even love, the wrong words slip out.
And kids remember. It doesn’t matter if they’re 5 or 45—certain phrases don’t just sting, they stay. Not because kids are too sensitive, but because what we say becomes part of their internal voice.
Aquí tienes 30 things you should never say to your children—no matter how old they are, or how grown they seem.
1. “You’re too sensitive.”
When a child is told they’re too sensitive, it can invalidate their feelings, making them question the legitimacy of their emotional responses. It implies that their genuine reactions are flawed or excessive, fostering a sense of inadequacy. Over time, this can lead to emotional suppression as they learn to dismiss their feelings rather than express them openly.
Kids need to feel that their emotions are valid and worthy of being acknowledged. Instead of labeling them as overly sensitive, it’s more constructive to encourage them to articulate their feelings and explore what might be causing their distress. This helps build emotional intelligence and confidence in expressing themselves.
In a world that often demands resilience, understanding and supporting a child’s sensitivity can be a powerful tool. It teaches them empathy and nurtures a deeper understanding of their emotional landscape, which is crucial for developing healthy relationships and emotional well-being.
2. “Because I said so.”
“Because I said so” is a phrase that many parents resort to when they’re tired of explaining themselves. However, it can come across as dismissive and authoritarian, leaving a child feeling powerless and unheard. This command shuts down the opportunity for dialogue and understanding, creating a barrier rather than a bridge between parent and child.
Explaining the reasons behind decisions helps children understand the world better and learn critical thinking skills. It encourages curiosity and fosters respect, as they see that their parents value their thoughts and feelings, even if the outcome isn’t what they hoped for.
By replacing “because I said so” with explanations, parents can engage their children in meaningful conversations, nurturing their ability to reason and understand the “why” behind actions and rules.
3. “You’ll understand when you’re older.”
Telling a child they’ll understand when they’re older can make them feel dismissed and confused. While it’s true that some concepts are beyond their current comprehension, this phrase can seem like a conversational roadblock, leaving them feeling left out of understanding their environment.
Children are naturally curious and eager to learn about the world around them. When faced with complex topics, it’s more beneficial to break them down into manageable pieces that they can grasp. This fosters an environment of learning and exploration, rather than one of exclusion.
Engaging in age-appropriate discussions helps children develop critical thinking skills and a sense of belonging. It teaches them that their questions are valued and encourages them to seek knowledge actively, rather than accepting confusion as a permanent state.
4. “You always mess things up.”
This phrase can be incredibly damaging, as it labels the child as inherently flawed or incompetent. Such a sweeping generalization can diminish a child’s self-esteem and discourage them from trying new things due to fear of failure or disappointing others.
Mistakes are a natural part of learning and growing. Instead of focusing on the negative, it’s crucial to highlight effort and progress. Parents can encourage resilience by reframing mistakes as opportunities for growth and learning, reinforcing that everyone, regardless of age, can learn from their missteps.
Providing support and guidance during challenging moments instills confidence and fosters a growth mindset. Children learn to view challenges as surmountable rather than insurmountable, encouraging them to try again and develop perseverance.
5. “Why can’t you be more like your sibling?”
Comparing a child to their sibling can breed resentment and feelings of inadequacy. Each child is unique and develops at their own pace, with their strengths and areas for growth. When a parent makes such comparisons, it can lead to sibling rivalry and harm the child’s self-image, making them feel less valued or appreciated.
Instead of comparisons, parents should focus on each child’s individual qualities and achievements. Celebrating their unique contributions helps build self-esteem and fosters a supportive, loving environment where all children feel equally valued.
Acknowledging each child’s distinct abilities creates a nurturing space where siblings can appreciate each other’s differences and grow closer. This approach encourages cooperation rather than competition, allowing each child to shine in their own right.
6. “Stop crying, it’s not a big deal.”
Dismissing a child’s tears as insignificant can send the message that their feelings aren’t important, leading them to suppress emotions rather than express them. Crying is a natural response to distress and a way for children to communicate their feelings, even if the cause seems trivial to an adult.
When a child is crying, it’s an opportunity for parents to practice empathy and understanding. By validating their emotions and providing comfort, parents teach children that it’s okay to feel and express emotions, setting the foundation for emotional intelligence.
Helping children articulate their feelings and find solutions to their issues empowers them to handle emotions constructively. It reassures them that their feelings are valid and important, building a strong emotional connection between parent and child.
7. “You’re being dramatic.”
Labeling a child as dramatic can undermine their emotional experience, making them feel as though their reactions are overblown or unjustified. This can lead to embarrassment or hesitation to express emotions in the future, as they learn to question their feelings rather than trust them.
Children often experience emotions intensely as they learn to navigate their inner worlds. Rather than dismissing their reactions, it’s helpful for parents to acknowledge and discuss these feelings, providing a safe space for expression and growth.
Encouraging children to explore their emotions helps them develop the ability to self-regulate and empathize with others. It fosters a supportive environment where they feel understood and valued, contributing to healthy psychological development and self-acceptance.
8. “That’s not what happened.”
When a parent contradicts a child’s recounting of events, it can feel like an invalidation of their perception and memory. Children are still developing their understanding of the world, and their version of events is often colored by their feelings and interpretations.
Instead of immediately correcting them, parents can ask questions to understand their perspective better. This approach encourages open communication and helps children feel respected and heard, even if their version of events differs from reality.
By validating a child’s perspective, parents nurture a sense of trust and openness. This encourages children to share their thoughts and feelings, knowing they’ll be met with empathy rather than dismissal.
9. “You’re going to make me sick/stressed/crazy.”
Telling a child that they are causing stress or illness places an inappropriate burden on their shoulders. It implies they are responsible for the parent’s well-being, which can lead to feelings of guilt and anxiety. Children are not equipped to handle such weighty emotions, which can impact their mental health.
Parents should strive to communicate their feelings without attributing blame. Explaining that they are feeling tired or stressed and need a moment to regroup models healthy emotional expression and self-care.
By managing stress in a healthy way, parents teach their children important coping skills. This approach fosters a supportive environment where both parent and child can grow together, learning to navigate stress and emotions constructively.
10. “You’re lucky I even put up with you.”
Such a statement can make a child feel unwanted and undeserving of love, leaving them questioning their value. This can deeply affect their self-esteem and sense of security in their relationship with their parent, leading to feelings of abandonment or worthlessness.
Every child deserves to feel loved and accepted for who they are, without conditions. Parents should aim to express unconditional love, emphasizing that their relationship is built on a foundation of respect and mutual care.
Demonstrating consistent love and support nurtures a child’s confidence and sense of belonging. It assures them that while conflicts may arise, their worth and the love they receive remain unchanged.
11. “I sacrificed everything for you.”
While sacrifices are often a part of parenting, voicing them as a burden to the child can make them feel like an imposition or a debt. This can create feelings of guilt and obligation, overshadowing the joy and love that should define the parent-child relationship.
Instead of focusing on sacrifices, parents can share the joys and rewards of parenting, highlighting the positive aspects of their relationship. This helps children feel valued and loved for who they are, rather than feeling like a burden.
By fostering a nurturing environment, kids learn to appreciate their parents’ efforts without feeling responsible for their hardships, building a healthy, balanced relationship that’s rooted in love and understanding.
12. “You owe me for everything I’ve done.”
Implying that a child owes their parents for raising them can create a transactional relationship rather than one based on unconditional love and support. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and pressure to meet perceived obligations, which is an unfair burden for a child.
Children should feel cherished and supported without the weight of debt hanging over them. Parents can reinforce that their love and efforts are given freely and that they cherish the joy of watching their child grow and thrive.
By cultivating a culture of gratitude rather than obligation, parents can foster mutual respect and appreciation, creating a loving environment where both child and parent feel valued and understood.
13. “You never listen.”
Telling a child they never listen can be discouraging, as it generalizes all their attempts to communicate as failures. It sends a message that their efforts to engage with the parent are futile, potentially leading to disengagement or defiance.
Instead of accusing them of never listening, parents can express a desire to understand and communicate more effectively. This encourages a two-way dialogue, where both parties feel heard and understood.
Fostering open communication helps build a strong relationship based on mutual respect. It teaches children the importance of active listening and cooperation, skills that will benefit them in all aspects of life.
14. “Don’t tell anyone what happens at home.”
Instructing a child to keep family matters secret can instill a sense of shame and fear. It suggests that there is something wrong or unworthy of sharing, which can lead to isolation and anxiety, especially if they’re experiencing distress or confusion.
Encouraging open discussions about emotions and experiences, while maintaining family privacy, fosters trust and comfort. It teaches children that they can seek help and speak out when necessary without fear of repercussion.
By promoting honesty and transparency, parents create a safe space for their children to express themselves and seek support, ensuring they feel secure and understood within the family unit.
15. “You’re so lazy.”
Labeling a child as lazy can have a lasting impact on their self-esteem and work ethic. It suggests that they are inherently unmotivated, dismissing any underlying issues such as lack of interest, fatigue, or even stress, that might be affecting their behavior.
Rather than labeling, parents can explore the reasons behind their child’s demeanor, offering support and encouragement to overcome obstacles. This approach emphasizes understanding and motivation, rather than judgment.
By focusing on positive reinforcement and encouragement, parents can inspire children to set goals and pursue their interests with enthusiasm and confidence, fostering a growth mindset that empowers them to achieve their potential.
16. “I’m ashamed of you.”
Telling a child you’re ashamed of them can profoundly damage their self-worth and identity. It suggests that they are not acceptable as they are, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy, shame, and a fear of failure.
Parents should aim to separate their child’s actions from their identity, addressing behavior rather than shaming the individual. Constructive feedback can guide them towards better choices without damaging their self-esteem.
By offering unconditional love and support, parents can help their children learn from mistakes and grow in confidence. This approach fosters a healthy sense of self-worth and the resilience to face challenges without fear of judgment.
17. “You’ll never be able to do that.”
Telling a child they’ll never achieve something can shatter their confidence and deter them from trying. This negative prediction can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, where the child internalizes doubt and hesitates to pursue their goals.
Encouragement and belief in their potential are crucial. Parents should support their child’s ambitions, celebrating their efforts and perseverance, even in the face of setbacks.
By fostering a supportive environment, children learn to approach challenges with determination and optimism. They understand that with effort and persistence, they can achieve their dreams, building a foundation of resilience and self-belief.
18. “That’s not what good kids do.”
This phrase can imply that the child’s actions define their worth, leading them to believe they must adhere to strict standards to earn love and approval. It can stifle individuality, creativity, and self-expression, as they strive to fit an idealized mold.
Encouraging children to explore their interests and express themselves freely fosters a healthy sense of identity and self-worth. Parents can guide them in understanding that while behavior has consequences, it doesn’t define their value as individuals.
By embracing their uniqueness, children learn to appreciate themselves and others, developing a sense of belonging and confidence in their identity. This environment nurtures creativity and innovation, allowing them to thrive as they are.
19. “You’re fine—stop acting like a baby.”
Dismissing a child’s pain or fear as childish can invalidate their experience, making them feel embarrassed or ashamed for seeking comfort. It may teach them to suppress their emotions, believing vulnerability is something to hide rather than a natural part of human experience.
Encouraging children to express their feelings and providing reassurance helps build emotional resilience and trust. Acknowledging their pain or fear, regardless of severity, assures them that their feelings are valid and worthy of attention.
By fostering an environment of empathy and understanding, parents teach children to face challenges with courage and confidence, knowing they can rely on their support network when needed.
20. “You’re the reason I’m unhappy.”
Blaming a child for parental unhappiness places an unfair emotional burden on them, damaging their self-esteem and sense of security. It can make them feel responsible for their parent’s emotions and lead to feelings of guilt, anxiety, and helplessness.
Parents should focus on separating their emotions from their child’s actions, addressing issues constructively without assigning blame. This approach helps children feel secure in their relationship, free from the fear of being the cause of their parent’s distress.
By modeling healthy emotional regulation, parents teach their children that while emotions are natural, they are not caused by others. This understanding fosters a supportive environment where children feel loved and valued for who they are.
21. “You don’t know what real problems are.”
Dismissing a child’s concerns as insignificant can make them feel belittled and misunderstood. It suggests their experiences are not valid, potentially discouraging them from sharing their feelings in the future.
Parents should aim to acknowledge their child’s experiences, offering support and guidance. By validating their concerns, children learn that their feelings and experiences are important, fostering open communication and trust.
Encouraging children to express themselves freely helps them develop emotional intelligence and resilience. It reassures them that their thoughts and feelings are valued, building a strong foundation for self-confidence and well-being.
22. “I wish I never had kids.”
Expressing regret about parenthood can be devastating for a child, making them feel unwanted and unloved. It suggests they are a burden rather than a source of joy, which can severely impact their self-worth and sense of belonging.
Every child deserves to feel cherished and valued. Parents should focus on expressing love and appreciation, reinforcing the joy and fulfillment their child brings to their lives.
By nurturing a loving environment, parents help their children grow up feeling secure and confident in their place within the family. This foundation of unconditional love supports their emotional development and self-esteem.
23. “No one else will love you like I do.”
While this might be intended to express unique love, it can sound possessive and isolating, suggesting that the child’s worth is tied solely to one relationship. This can create fear of losing love and discourage them from forming other relationships.
Encouraging children to build diverse, healthy relationships teaches them about love, trust, and respect. It reassures them that they are lovable and valued in many different contexts, beyond their immediate family.
By fostering a sense of independence and connection, parents empower their children to explore the world confidently, knowing they have a strong support system to fall back on.
24. “Don’t embarrass me.”
Warning a child not to embarrass them can create anxiety and self-consciousness, as it suggests that their actions are under constant scrutiny and judgment. This pressure can inhibit their willingness to explore and take risks, fearing judgment rather than embracing growth opportunities.
Parents can foster confidence by encouraging children to express themselves freely and reassuring them that their self-worth isn’t tied to performance or perception. Celebrating their efforts and achievements, regardless of the outcome, builds a strong sense of self-confidence.
By creating an environment that prioritizes growth over perfection, children learn to value themselves for who they are, rather than how they’re perceived by others. This supports their ability to navigate challenges with resilience and self-assurance.
25. “I’m only hard on you because I care.”
While discipline is part of parenting, framing it as caring can confuse a child, making them associate love with harshness. This can lead to misunderstandings about affection and discipline, blurring the lines between care and criticism.
Parents should aim to balance discipline with encouragement, emphasizing that love is unconditional and not contingent on behavior. Constructive feedback helps children learn from their mistakes while feeling supported and valued.
By fostering a loving and supportive environment, children understand that discipline and care are separate but complementary. This helps them develop healthy relationships with authority and instills a sense of self-worth and respect for themselves and others.
26. “That’s just how our family is.”
This phrase can discourage children from questioning family dynamics or expressing individuality, implying that conformity is more important than personal growth. It suggests that traditions and expectations are immutable, stifling curiosity and self-expression.
Encouraging children to explore their unique identities, while respecting family traditions, fosters a sense of belonging and individuality. It reassures them that their thoughts and experiences are valued and that they can contribute to the family’s evolving dynamic.
By embracing change and diversity, families can grow together, creating an environment where every member feels heard and appreciated. This balance of tradition and individuality supports a healthy and dynamic family culture.
27. “You don’t really feel that way.”
Dismissing a child’s feelings as invalid can lead them to question their emotions and instincts. It sends a message that their perception of their own experiences is flawed, which can undermine their confidence in understanding themselves and their world.
Parents should aim to validate their child’s emotions, listening actively and encouraging them to explore their feelings. This helps children develop emotional intelligence and a strong sense of self-awareness.
By acknowledging and respecting their child’s emotional experience, parents foster a supportive environment where children feel valued and understood. This nurtures confidence and trust, empowering them to express themselves freely and authentically.
28. “You’ll ruin your life if you do that.”
Such a dramatic warning can create fear and anxiety, suggesting that a single decision could have catastrophic consequences. This can deter children from exploring options and making decisions, leading to indecision and reliance on others.
Parents can guide children by discussing potential outcomes and encouraging thoughtful decision-making. By focusing on possibilities rather than fear, children learn to approach choices with confidence and discernment.
Fostering a supportive environment where children feel empowered to make decisions helps them develop independence and resilience. It reassures them that while choices have consequences, they also offer opportunities for growth and learning.
29. “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.”
Expressing disappointment can feel more painful than anger, as it suggests the child has failed to meet expectations. It can lead to feelings of inadequacy and shame, as they internalize the belief that they are a letdown rather than recognizing the potential for growth.
Parents should aim to address behavior with empathy and encouragement, focusing on effort and progress rather than perceived failures. This helps children learn from their mistakes while feeling supported and valued.
By fostering a nurturing environment, parents teach children to embrace challenges as opportunities for learning and development. This cultivates resilience and a growth mindset, empowering them to pursue their goals with confidence.
30. “I gave you everything—you owe me everything.”
Implying that a child owes their parents for their efforts can create a transactional relationship rather than one based on unconditional love and support. It places undue pressure on the child to repay perceived debts, overshadowing the joy and love that should define the parent-child relationship.
Children should feel cherished and supported without the weight of obligation. Parents can reinforce that their love and efforts are given freely and that they cherish the joy of watching their child grow and thrive.
By cultivating a culture of gratitude rather than obligation, parents can foster mutual respect and appreciation, creating a loving environment where both child and parent feel valued and understood.