This isn’t a letter sugar-coating today’s idea of a relationship. This isn’t a letter trying to convince you to believe in God. This isn’t a letter about feminism nor is it from a feminist perspective. This isn’t a letter meant to place unattainable expectations on today’s men in a relationship.

Let’s be honest: This generation’s idea of a relationship can be pretty pathetic. However, not all relationships are detrimental. Mine just happened to be. This is simply a letter of empowerment, from one female to another, filled with important reminders we may forget to apply in our life; maybe because we’re the type to tolerate more than we should from others in fear of losing them altogether.

Pero lo que deberíamos temer más perder como consecuencia somos nosotros mismos. I am a survivor of a toxic relationship, and you can be, too. These are the words I wish I had been given as advice before I engaged in my first serious relationship. I can’t help but think I wouldn’t have stayed as long as I did if I’d had this advice and applied it.

El amor no tiene reglas. El amor no tiene manual de instrucciones. Aunque cueste aceptarlo, el amor es un acierto o un error. Sin embargo, las grietas que puede dejar en tu corazón son permanentes. De mujer a mujer, aquí tienes trece recordatorios a los que aferrarte en tu camino hacia el amor. Escríbelos. Cuélgalos sobre tu escritorio. Hazte responsable de ellos.

1. Hasta que un hombre tóxico se cure a sí mismo, será tóxico para toda mujer que intente amarle.

Por duro que sea oírlo, no se puede cambiar a alguien que no ve un problema en sus acciones. Un hombre no actuará bien si no quiere. No pierda el sueño por cosas que están fuera de su control o jurisdicción. Dejarlo podría ser su mayor lección y su mayor pérdida. Recuerde: Dios es el único que puede cambiar a alguien. Esto, se lo puedo prometer: Deje esto en Sus manos, y sus ansiedades se marchitarán.

2. Un hombre de verdad no te privará.

He is not the one for you if he doesn’t take your relationship needs or wants into consideration. We, as females, need reassurance and validation. This is not an unrealistic demand but rather it should be a more natural desire to do things for somebody. What you ask for will be  ‘too much’ from the wrong person. El hombre adecuado irá más allá y se tragará su orgullo sin que tengas que pedírselo.

Reciprocation is also fundamental. You should never have to guess or wonder how he feels about you. Failure to see a reciprocation in feelings or behavior unless asked for is a red flag. A real man will show you off – in public, on social media, in front of his friends, in front of his family, and not because he feels obligated, not because he’s trying to prove a point, but because he genuinely wants to.

El hombre para ti es aquel que se siente extremadamente orgulloso de tenerte y lo transmite al mundo. Quédate con el hombre que te hace cumplidos al azar y nunca deja de recordarte lo hermosa que eres y la suerte de hombre que tiene. El hombre para ti no podrá creer que tenga el honor de llamarte suya.

3. No deberías tener que cambiar quién eres para complacer a alguien.

You are never ‘too much’; your ‘extra’ qualities for one man is another man’s desire for more. Love is not someone trying to change you, whether that be how you look, your personality, your behavior, or your beliefs. The only thing he should pursue  to change is your last name. He should take you exactly how you are, because you are perfect, one-of-a-kind, unmatched, and authentic.

Si hoy quieres arreglarte y maquillarte, HAZLO. No dejes que el hombre tóxico te hace sentir bad about looking like a ten, even if he’s not around to see it. Remember: Nobody can do you better than you can. If you do feel the desire to work on yourself or see room for self-improvement, a real man will be nothing less than supportive of that.

4. Tú vales más que cualquier cantidad de dinero.

Tú eres SUFICIENTE. No des a nadie el poder de determinar tu valía. Just because someone else does not recognize your value does not mean you are any less desirable. If he makes you feel unworthy of love or happiness, he is not the one. Your kindness, commitment to him and unconditional love should not be labeled as weakness and should not be taken advantage of. After giving your all to someone who may not have deserved it, just imagine what you’ll do for the right one.

 

5. Te mereces un compromiso.

Deja de poner excusas a un hombre que no se compromete contigo. Un hombre que te desea te perseguirá con todas sus fuerzas. A chico es vacilante. A hombre knows what he wants and is not indecisive. There are too many fish in the sea to settle for the one who doesn’t seek to love you correctly. Do not lose sleep over someone who has to figure out if you’re worth it or not. La indecisión también es una decisión.

Involving yourself with someone without a title yields more emotional destruction than improvement. Do not award someone boyfriend privileges when he is not fully committed to you. A real man will not play with your feelings like it’s a game and will not entertain any other woman who isn’t you. A man who wants you will work to understand every intimate detail of your mind, body, and soul.

Remember: One man’s, “I’m not ready to commit” is another man’s, “She’s exactly who I’ve been praying for.”

6. No debe sentirse manipulado ni controlado.

If he makes you feel at fault for all of your relationship problems, he is not the one for you. If he frequently plays the ‘victim’ card, this is a major indication you are dealing with a toxic man. You are not there to absorb the blame for every fallout. Similarly, believe this: The right man for you will not use your past faults against you, especially those obstacles you have fought so hard to overcome.

Estar con el tipo que se quedará durante los tiempos difíciles, también, y se mutuamente work through relationship issues that may arise. Threats to end or leave the relationship are signs of manipulation, and nonetheless are childish. The man for you will not make you feel like there was ‘something more you could’ve done’ for your relationship.

In addition, your significant other should not expect you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with and then make you feel bad for it. Do not let some buscavidas, tipo inmaduro explotarte de esta manera.

Los hombres de verdad son pacientes. Con un hombre de verdad, te sentirás en confianza. Te tomará la palabra primero time, and your truth will not be a foreign concept. You will not feel afraid to go to him with anything or talk about what’s on your mind, fearing how he’ll respond. This is a trait I think all females yearn for. Most importantly, do not ever let a man convince you that you need him. Do not place the power to walk all over you in someone’s hands.

7. No te conformes con menos de lo que mereces.

You deserve the world and are worthy of being treated like a queen. Choose to be the rare woman in today’s society who is brave enough no que se conforme con cualquier relación, sino que busque la relación que Dios le ha reservado. Atesora tu corazón, tu mente y tu cuerpo. No estés dispuesta a entregar tan fácilmente esos objetos de valor hasta que alguien demuestre con creces que es digno de ellos.

Be strong enough to refrain from giving someone your all until you’re receiving their all. Most importantly, no te conformes con menos de lo que mereces sólo porque temes que no haya nada mejor en el futuro. La vida es preciosa, y tu tiempo también. No lo desperdicies con alguien que no te valora. No eres mediocre, así que no dejes que un hombre te trate como trata a los demás.

8. Debes sentirte apreciado.

With the right man, you will not have to fight for his time or attention. You will not have to chase after him like he’s a celebrity who barely has time for a fan. You will not feel in competition with other women. Your presence will not be a bother. You will not feel neglected or placed on the back burner. You will not feel average or replaceable. Your efforts will be noticed, appreciated, and reciprocated.

 

9. Ten paciencia.

One day, maybe not today, everything will work out. Patience is a powerful virtue. One day, God will gift you with someone who gives you everything you’d prayed for in your other half. Choose the guy who is husband material. Be with the man who prays he crosses paths with a woman like you. Seek relationships with long-term goals in mind.

Do not stick with someone just because they’re there. Be selective with who you choose to form an intimate bond with. If you are unhappy now in your relationship, just imagine how unhappy you’ll be 10 or 20 years from now, in a marriage. You are young, with your whole life ahead of you. This time should be dedicated to exploring and discovering the kind of man you desire to be with for the rest of your life. Take out the trash when need be.

Véase también: Quédate soltera hasta que conozcas a un chico como este

10. Sé consciente y sincero contigo mismo.

Do not give chances away like freebies. Allotting a male chance after chance only validates his behavior. He will only hurt you again, whether emotionally, mentally, or physically. Do not let love blind you or fall in love with a man’s language or rhetoric. Hold him accountable by his actions only. Hypocritical men scream of toxicity.

This will only result in emotional anxiety that holds no place in your life. Loving someone is not a free pass to overlook their bad qualities or red flags in the relationship. Be with the man who has good intentions for you. If he doesn’t, accept it for what it is and remove yourself from the equation.

Debes respetarte y quererte lo suficiente como para reservar tus emociones y tu energía para alguien que te trate bien. como la reina que eres. Es importante reconocer la diferencia entre el enamoramiento y una conexión real. Una conexión real te ofrecerá un sinfín de beneficios. El apego te chupará la vida.

11. El progreso en tu relación y en ti mismo es crucial.

Deberías not feel like you’re forcing love or the relationship. A relationship is an investment, meaning it should grow and flourish naturally. Your time and energy are precious. Stagnation in a relationship is a red flag you’re being taken advantage of. Do not stick around for someone who does not offer mutual feelings or does not hold the same, healthy vision for your relationship.

12. Mereces que te apoyen.

Si él no apoya tus metas y aspiraciones, esté o no de acuerdo con ellas, no es el indicado. El hombre para ti será tu mayor admirador, te hará responsable en todos los aspectos, alentará e inspirará tu autocrecimiento y te guiará hacia la rectitud propia, NO hacia un comportamiento inmoral.

En una relación sana, tú como individuo crecerás y prosperarás sin arte. Una relación enfermiza te frenará en muchos aspectos. Si notas que te alejas de otras relaciones, aficiones o responsabilidades, sólo para mantenerle contento, no ignores esta señal de alarma. Esta es una característica de un individuo controlador. No te quedes en una relación en la que sientes que te están reprimiendo. Estar en una relación no significa que ya no tengas libertad o autonomía.

13. Tu felicidad también importa.

Do not sacrifice your happiness for someone else’s. The right relationship will not cost you friends, family, space, things you love to do, prosperity, or opportunity. Choose yourself. Every single time. Self-love should be at the top of your priority list. One of the most dangerous choices you can make is placing your happiness into the hands of a significant other.

No te agotes intentando hacer feliz a alguien que no te devuelve el favor. Si él es feliz, pero tú no, no ignores esta señal de alarma. Tu felicidad importa tanto como la suya. Un hombre de verdad no dejará que te vayas a dormir por la noche preguntándote si todavía importas o tienes un lugar en su vida. Si te hace llorar más que reír, no tiene madera de marido.

Si es el primero al que corres con buenas noticias o para hablarle de tu día, sin embargo responderá de una manera pesimista que te hará sentir que no mereces sentirte feliz, no es material para marido. Créelo: Un hombre que te lleva a la felicidad en lugar de robártela, siempre merece la pena la espera.

Te mereces más que lo mínimo en una relación. Tener un alto nivel de exigencia no te convierte en una persona muy exigente. Toma la decisión de negarte a situarte por debajo del pedestal más alto. Hoy, elígete e invierte en ti. Mañana, elígete a ti e invierte en ti. Y observa cómo se multiplican los beneficios.

por Rachel L. Johnson