Does love really conquer all? Yeah, I don’t know about that.
Imagine you’re planning your dream vacation, looking at 5-star hotels, and business class tickets, while he wants the cheapest option possible. You’re saving your money to buy a first house, and he’s still paying off his college debt. How long until you cut the ties?
Some say money can’t buy happiness but having money surely helps a lot to live a happy, calm life. If you want a luxurious life I’m not sure you’d be happy with someone who can’t afford that even if you clicked with them.
And it’s not really about having or not having money. It’s about your spending habits and financial goals as well. After all, financial disagreements are one of the main causes of divorce in the USA.
This brings me to a post on Reddit where a woman debated whether she should continue talking to a man online since he’s poor.
When love stumbles upon financial differences
A woman explained she is texting someone who’s not only poor but also doesn’t have any will to change that situation in the future. She wants more from life, while he seems stuck in the poverty loop mindset and is not even optimistic about getting out. As she wrote:
“I very much have the mindset that I want to create a financially rich life for myself because there is so much I want to learn, do and explore. I would like to be with someone who is the same, who is optimistic about what’s possible and thinking about how they can expand themselves in this way.”
What she describes she looks for in a man is the complete opposite of what this guy is. Although they connected really deeply over other things and have a lot in common, his mindset is what she has a problem with.
She admitted she also doesn’t want a relationship in which she makes more money and is responsible for the majority of the expenses. Instead, she’s all about that stable double-income life:
“I want someone where together our incomes are wayyy better than one and our life expands because of it. I don’t want to carry most of that weight.”
I get her point. She already makes good money and she wants someone on the same level so they can build an even better life. That’s fair enough. I agree with her because I also wanted a partner who was ready to hustle and make a lot of money with me so we could build our empire.
Since I grew up not having a lot of money, I decided that’s not the lifestyle for me so I worked really hard to be where I’m right now. I wouldn’t throw it away for someone who’s fine with having a modest lifestyle just because we had some chemistry between us.
She also realized the same thing and although it’s not easy for her to forget about the connection they made, it’s probably the right thing to do. She wrote:
“Thinking of breaking off the connection because of this. Not sure if I should tell him that’s the reason if I do. We’re not officially dating yet, but definitely building a deep connection. I’d be sad to lose someone over this but it’s also just not what I want.”
I think she doesn’t need Reddit to tell her what to do because deep down she already knows. Reddit users only confirmed what she concluded herself.
Money is not the problem, it’s the mindset
A couple might be truly in love and have a great bond but that doesn’t necessarily mean their relationship will succeed. There are more things needed to guarantee a happily ever after.
If one of them is not willing to sacrifice their bad financial habits, whether that be spending too much, being too frugal, or not ready to improve their financial status then there’s a big chance they won’t make it work in the long run.
If finances are important to you then you should listen to the wisdom of this Reddit user:
“The person you marry can be the biggest financial decision you ever make.”
A lot of people gave their final verdict and said she shouldn’t date him:
“I don’t recommend that you continue pursuing anything with him if you’ve already picked up on this difference in mindsets. Money is such a critical aspect of relationships whether we like it or not. Being with someone who doesn’t share your values around it and whose spending practices might conflict with your personal goals is a headache.”
Others think that him being poor is not a problem at all but no effort to change that is an issue. One person wrote:
“The problem may not be that he’s poor but that he views himself as a victim. That is a big part of someone’s character and identity. Someone can be of modest income but still have an appreciation and a respect for smart saving and investing, and share a lot of similar values with you in terms of building a lifestyle and a future.”
On the other hand, people also said the best thing she could do is follow her heart and listen to what her gut says. A lot of the time we don’t really need advice from others because the answer to our question is right in front of us, or rather within us.
So is financial incompatibility a deal breaker in relationships? There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. It all comes down to you, your standards, and what you are willing to sacrifice for love.