11 segni che il vostro partner è un maniaco del controllo

Le relazioni tossiche possono insinuarsi in quasi tutti e, sebbene la maggior parte di noi percepisca un partner controllante come una persona fisicamente aggressiva, o che lancia costantemente minacce o ultimatum, il controllo si manifesta in molte forme.

Partner di controllo utilizzano un intero arsenale di strumenti per dominare il partner, e a volte la manipolazione si spinge fino a far vedere la persona controllata come un cattivo.

Whether controlling behavior leads to some serious emotional and physical damage or not, it’s not a healthy situation to be in. If you recognize any of these signs in your partner’s behavior, take it seriously and consider walking away as the right call to make.

Critica cronica

Criticism starts with something small, something you don’t even notice until it’s too late. You might even think it’s for your own good, it’s because he wants you healthy.

Maybe you don’t think that it’s doing any damage to you, but hearing constant criticism, constant complaints on the way you behave, the way you dress or work, slowly makes you feel less worthy and makes it hard to feel loved, validated or accepted.

If everything you do needs some kind of improvement in your partner’s eyes, then how can that be unconditional love? How can that be a relationship between two equal partners?

Facendovi dubitare di voi stessi

A controlling partner finds a way of planting a seed of doubt in you, about whether you’re smart, pretty or talented enough. This is a way he can take away your autonomy and make you completely depend on him.

Vi ha già tolto il sostegno e la forza, e una volta che vi ha tolto i sogni, ha tutto il potere.

If you find yourself giving up on your dreams because your partner thinks they’re silly, or because he thinks you’re not smart or hard-working enough, give up on him instead.

Nessun uomo è degno di perdere i vostri sogni e le vostre speranze.

Minacce

We often believe that threats are not problematic until they’re physical, but threatening to leave or to harm themselves or cutting off privileges are as harmful as the physical ones.

We feel trapped in such relationships not because we’re scared to leave or because we’re scared of a new beginning but because we’re scared of something our partner will do to himself.

Threats such as being denied access to children, financial support or a home to live in, whether they’re genuine or not, are still forms of controlling abuse in a relationship.

Spionaggio o richiesta di informazioni costanti

I maniaci del controllo hanno la necessità di conoscere ogni singolo minuto della vostra giornata. Potrebbe curiosare di nascosto nel vostro telefono o chiedervi apertamente di dargli le vostre password e i dettagli della vostra giornata.

His favorite excuse—If you have nothing to hide, then what’s the big deal? It is a big deal if you’re being questioned all the time in the one place where you should feel accepted. Your privacy is being violated in the one place where it should be safe. It’s a huge deal.

Isolamento da amici o familiari

This often starts subtly, but he will try to strip you of your family and friends and the support they provide you, to strip you of your strength. This way, you won’t be strong enough to step up against him when he wants to win.

Vi chiederà di passare del tempo con lui, parlerà male dei vostri amici, vi manipolerà lentamente in modo che vi fidiate solo di lui, dandogli il controllo completo della vostra vita.

Non rispettate il vostro tempo da soli

It’s another way of stripping you of your strength. He finds a way to make you feel guilty for taking time to recharge, or making you feel like you don’t love him enough to share all of your time with him.

It’s completely normal if partners have different needs for time alone, but in a healthy relationship that’s something you can talk about and compromise on. But in a controlling relationship, all of your alone time becomes his time.

Gelosia iperattiva

La sua gelosia può essere affascinante e lusinghiero all'inizio, ma con il tempo diventa fastidioso. E quando si progredisce come coppia, diventa fatale.

He sees your behavior as flirty all the time, whether you’re talking to a friend, a cousin or some random man at the bar who spilled his drink over you.

Esprimerà le sue emozioni in modo aggressivo, dicendo che conosce gli uomini e che vogliono solo una cosa. Vi sentirete costantemente in colpa e inizierete a vivere nel timore delle sue reazioni a causa delle persone con cui passate il vostro tempo.

Condizionare l'amore

“If you would just try a little bit more and lose more weight, you’d be perfect for me. If you can’t even bother to make me dinner, I don’t know what I’m even doing in this relationship.

If you could wear your hair like this, I would definitely take you out.” This message is simple—you, right now, are not enough.

If you have to earn his love, if you have to earn acceptance and for him to be caring, then it’s not worth staying.

You’re guilty until proven otherwise

A controlling person is very skilled in making you feel guilty for something you didn’t even do or you shouldn’t feel guilty for doing.

You could come home to him already furious about you doing something, something he imagined in his head and it will seem to you that he already has the whole case built against you, even if you don’t understand it.

In questo modo vi manipolerà per farvi giocare secondo le sue regole, facendovi comportare esattamente come vuole lui.

Facendoti sentire indegna di lui

La sua manipolazione è così forte che vi sentite gratificati di stare con lui, cosa che non dovrebbe accadere. Dovrebbe essere il contrario.

Whether he does it by comparing you to his exes, comparing your professional success with his or by slowly undermining your self-confidence, he will not stop until he meets his goal, and that’s making sure you never leave, because, how could you?

He’s the best out there and you’re blessed to be with him.

Interazioni sessuali che si rivelano poi sconvolgenti

I comportamenti di controllo e di abuso spesso si ritrovano in camera da letto. Lui gioca allo stesso modo, facendovi sentire in colpa, manipolandovi e privandovi della vostra fiducia.

If you constantly feel unsettled about your sexual relationship, it’s a sign that something is wrong.