5 consigli di successo per la co-genitorialità con un narcisista

Liberarsi da una relazione con un narcisista è una delle cose più difficili e dolorose che ogni vittima abbia dovuto fare. Ma è ancora più difficile quando sono coinvolti dei bambini.

Tutto quello che vuoi fare è andare nessun contatto but that is impossible because you have your kids tying you to this man for the rest of your life. Even though you want to protect your kids from this man’s toxicity, he is their father and you know you have to find a way to co-parent with him in the most successful way.

Ma allo stesso tempo, dovete assicurarvi di mantenervi sani di mente e in salute, per il vostro bene e per quello dei vostri figli. Ecco 5 modi per aiutarvi a farlo.

1. Don’t let him put the blame on you

È provato che narcisisti don’t have a sense of responsibility. And even when they know that they are the one who screwed things up, they’ll never admit it. Instead, they will try to put all the blame on their victim for everything that went on.

Ed è esattamente quello che cercherà di fare il vostro ex. Cercherà di farvi sembrare il cattivo e di farvi sentire in colpa per aver distrutto la vostra famiglia e per non aver dato ai vostri figli la possibilità di essere cresciuti da entrambi i genitori.

Don’t let him get to you! Remember, you are not to blame. These are just his manipulations in which he tries to make you go back to him one way or another.

2. Parlare con lui solo dei bambini

When you leave a narcissistic partner, the first advice you’ll hear is to cut all possible ties with him. But something like this is impossible when the two of you are co-parenting.

The truth is that you have to communicate with your ex, regarding your children. And without a doubt, he’ll do his best to use everything he has to try and get to you. He’ll try to talk to you about everything that happened between you guys and he’ll try to manipulate his way into getting back together.

This is something you should never allow, at any cost. Remember—every narcissist is sneaky. He won’t ask you to go back to him on his first try. Instead, he’ll patiently work his way under your skin, step by step, without you even realizing what is going on.

Per evitare questo, parlategli solo dei bambini. Fate del vostro meglio per guardarlo come il padre dei vostri figli e nient'altro. Chiudete tutte le emozioni personali che avete provato o che potreste ancora provare per quest'uomo.

3. Stabilire un programma rigoroso e rispettarlo

The moment you split with your narcissistic ex is the moment in which you’ll have to strictly agree on visiting hours or days. And this is something you’ll have to stick to if you want a peaceful life.

Trust me—he’ll try to continue destroying your life by ruining your plans and by not picking up the kids when he should or by asking to see them outside of his schedule. Don’t allow him to do this under any circumstance because if you do, you are just giving him another way of controlling your time.

4. Siate il miglior esempio per i vostri figli

When you are co-parenting with a narcissist, you are not the only one who can teach your children important moral values. You are not the only one who can be their role model and you don’t have a complete impact on their raising.

Che vi piaccia o no, il vostro ex ha un grande effetto anche su di loro e lo ammirano, perché non sono consapevoli della sua tossicità.
Even though you can’t be the one to talk trash their father, what you can do is set the best possible example for your children.

Mostrare loro l'importanza di cura di sé and self-love. Teach them the difference between good and bad, right and wrong. Don’t focus on trying to explain to your kids why their father is not behaving properly—teach them to be better than him with your own examples, without even mentioning him.

5. Educare i figli all'abuso

I know this is something you don’t want to do but if your children are exposed to toxic behavior, you need to teach them how to recognize abuse and how to protect themselves from it. I know this is something you don’t want to think about but the truth is that there is a possibility for your kids to become a narcissist’s victims as well, without you even noticing it.

Per questo motivo dovete cercare di spiegare loro che possono dirvi tutto ciò che li preoccupa. Dovete insegnare ai vostri figli a dare un nome e a identificare i diversi tipi di abuso.

Don’t use your past relationship as an example and don’t talk to them about what their father did to you. Instead, give them other examples of emotional, verbal and abuso fisico, appropriato per la loro età.