35 abitudini di genitori che allontanano i figli adulti da loro

Navigating the journey of parenting doesn’t end when our kids grow up. It’s a lifelong dance of love, understanding, and sometimes, stepping on each other’s toes.

We all want to maintain strong, loving bonds with our adult children, but certain habits can inadvertently push them away. Let’s explore these habits so we can avoid them and keep our relationships thriving.

1. Eccessivamente critico

You know that feeling when someone keeps pointing out every little thing you do wrong? It’s exhausting and a little soul-crushing. Quando i genitori criticano costantemente i figli adulti, per quanto buone siano le loro intenzioni, spesso porta a sentimenti feriti e risentimento.

Dobbiamo ricordare che i nostri figli adulti stanno trovando la loro strada nel mondo. Hanno bisogno del nostro sostegno, non di un commento continuo sulla loro vita. Certo, possono ancora lasciare i piatti nel lavandino o dimenticare un compleanno, ma anche noi a volte lo facciamo! Lasciare andare l'impulso di criticare ogni mossa è essenziale. Concentratevi invece sulla celebrazione dei loro successi e sull'offerta di una guida quando la chiedono.

A gentle nudge in the right direction when solicited is far more effective than unsolicited advice. Building a relationship based on mutual respect and understanding is key. Let them know you’re there for them, imperfections and all.

2. Non rispettare i confini

Remember when you were younger and desperately needed your space? Our grown-up kids feel the same. Sometimes, parents forget that their adult children are now independent individuals with their own lives, schedules, and priorities. Think of it like barging into their room without knocking – it doesn’t feel great, does it?

When parents don’t respect boundaries, it can lead to feelings of suffocation and resentment. Suppose your son or daughter wants to spend the holidays with friends or a partner’s family instead of at home. It’s crucial to respect their decisions and not guilt-trip them into doing otherwise. It’s not a personal affront; it’s just part of their growing independence.

By respecting boundaries, you’re showing your adult children that you trust them to make their own choices. This doesn’t mean you can’t express your feelings; just do it in a way that respects their space and decisions. Open communication and mutual respect go a long way in keeping the connection strong.

3. Confronto tra fratelli e sorelle

Ah, the classic sibling rivalry fueled by none other than parental comparisons. Nothing quite sours a relationship like feeling you’re in competition with your brother or sister for parental approval. It’s like being in a never-ending contest where everyone ends up losing.

Parents might think they’re encouraging their kids by highlighting a sibling’s achievements, but often it feels more like undermining. Comments like “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” or “Your brother never had this problem” can be damaging, creating a rift between not just parent and child, but siblings too.

Instead of comparing, focus on celebrating each child’s unique strengths and achievements. Acknowledge their distinct paths and the efforts they’re making, even if they don’t look the same. Each child is their own person with their own story, and that’s something to cherish. Encouragement and acceptance foster a loving and supportive environment, one where each child feels valued for who they are.

4. Essere iperprotettivi

It’s natural to want to keep your children safe, but when they’re adults, being overprotective can feel more like a straitjacket than a safety net. Think back to when you were first navigating adulthood – you probably wanted the freedom to make mistakes and learn from them. That’s exactly what your grown-up kids need too.

Helicopter parenting, even when kids are grown, sends the message that you don’t trust their ability to handle life’s challenges. It can lead to feelings of inadequacy and frustration. They might start avoiding sharing their life with you, fearing a wave of worry or unsolicited advice.

Sostenere i figli adulti significa dare loro spazio per crescere e prendere le proprie decisioni. Siate presenti per prenderli se cadono, non per impedire loro di fare dei passi. Incoraggiare l'indipendenza offrendo al tempo stesso una rete di sicurezza favorisce la fiducia e una relazione sana e solidale.

5. Invalidare i sentimenti

Have you ever been told to ‘calm down’ when you were anything but calm? It’s maddening. When parents dismiss or invalidate their adult kids’ feelings, it’s akin to saying their emotions don’t matter. This habit can push your children away faster than you can say ‘overreacting’.

Everyone deserves to have their feelings acknowledged, even if you don’t necessarily agree with them. When your child comes to you with a problem or emotion, they’re looking for understanding, not dismissal. Saying things like “You’re being dramatic” or “It’s not that serious” only widens the emotional gap.

Instead, practice active listening and empathy. Validate their experiences by acknowledging how they feel, even if you’re itching to tell them it’s not a big deal. A simple “I understand why you feel that way” can go a long way in maintaining a close and supportive relationship.

6. Controlli costanti

While staying connected is wonderful, there’s a fine line between being involved and being intrusive. Constantly checking in on your adult kids can feel more like micromanaging than caring. It’s like being perpetually tethered to a leash when all they want is a little freedom.

Imagine your phone ringing ten times a day with queries about your whereabouts or what you’re eating for dinner. It can be overwhelming e portare al desiderio di una maggiore distanza piuttosto che la vicinanza. I figli adulti devono sentirsi sicuri di poter vivere la propria vita senza essere costantemente sorvegliati.

Instead of incessant check-ins, establish a rhythm that works for both. Maybe weekly catch-ups work better, allowing space for independence while keeping the connection alive. It’s all about balance and respecting their autonomy as adults.

7. Usare il senso di colpa come arma

Guilt trips are the emotional equivalent of a cold shower – shocking and unpleasant. Using guilt to influence your adult kids’ decisions or actions can lead to feelings of resentment and emotional distance. It’s one of quelle abitudini che possono erodere silenziosamente le fondamenta della vostra relazione.

Statements like “After all I’ve done for you” or “You’d visit if you really cared” may be intended to express love or desire for more closeness, but they often achieve the opposite. They can make your children feel trapped, leading them to pull away in search of emotional freedom.

Invece di ricorrere al senso di colpa, esprimete i vostri sentimenti in modo onesto e aperto. Fate sapere ai vostri figli quanto li amate e quanto vi mancano, senza attribuire loro colpe o farli sentire responsabili della vostra felicità. Questo approccio favorisce un rapporto più genuino e affettuoso.

8. Ignorare le loro opinioni

Ricordate quando volevate essere ascoltati e apprezzati per i vostri pensieri? I vostri figli adulti non sono diversi. Ignorare o ignorare le loro opinioni can feel like a slap in the face, signaling that their views and experiences don’t matter. It’s a quick way to create emotional distance.

Parents sometimes fall into the trap of thinking they know best simply because of age or experience. While your wisdom is certainly valuable, it’s important to remember that your kids have their own perspectives shaped by their unique experiences. Listening and considering their opinions shows respect and fosters open communication.

Engage in conversations where both sides are heard. Encourage them to share their views and validate their feelings, even if you don’t agree. This mutual respect strengthens the bond and shows them you appreciate their input.

9. Essere giudicanti

Nobody likes to feel judged, especially by the ones whose opinions matter most. When parents are judgmental about their adult kids’ choices—be it lifestyle, career, or relationships—it can create a chasm between them. Imagine sharing something personal only to be met with furrowed brows and a lecture. It’s not exactly encouraging.

Being judgmental often stems from a place of concern, but it can come across as a lack of trust or acceptance. Instead of focusing on what you don’t approve of, try to understand why your child made certain decisions. Ask questions, listen, and be open-minded.

By replacing judgment with curiosity and empathy, you’re showing your adult child that you’re willing to understand their world. This approach nurtures a relationship built on acceptance and unconditional love, allowing them to feel safe and supported.

10. Concentrarsi sugli aspetti negativi

Picture this: you’ve just shared exciting news, and the first thing you hear is a list of potential pitfalls. It’s disheartening, right? Focusing on the negatives in your adult kids’ lives can make them feel discouraged and undervalued. It’s like having a rain cloud hanging over every silver lining.

While it’s natural to worry about your children’s well-being, constantly highlighting negatives can overshadow their accomplishments and joys. Instead of zeroing in on what could go wrong, try celebrating what’s going well. Acknowledge their successes and encourage their efforts.

Shifting the focus to positive reinforcement can change the dynamic of your relationship. It shows your children that you’re their biggest cheerleader, boosting their confidence and strengthening your bond. Celebrate their victories, no matter how small, and let them know you believe in them.

11. Consigli non richiesti

Advice is a tricky thing; too much of it, especially when unsolicited, can feel overwhelming and intrusive. Picture this: you’re sharing a story, and before you’ve even finished, you’re bombarded with suggestions on what to do next. It’s a bit stifling, isn’t it?

Offering advice when it hasn’t been asked for can make your adult kids feel like you don’t trust their judgment. They might start to avoid conversations, knowing it often ends in an unsolicited lecture. It’s important to strike a balance between supporting your children and respecting their autonomy.

Before jumping in with advice, ask if they’re open to hearing it. Sometimes they just want a listening ear, not a problem solver. By respecting their wishes, you show them you value their independence and trust their ability to navigate life’s challenges.

12. Disprezzo delle loro scelte di vita

Being dismissive of an adult child’s life choices can lead to a breakdown in communication and trust. When parents fail to acknowledge the significance of their child’s decisions, it can feel invalidating and discouraging.

I genitori devono riconoscere che i loro figli stanno tracciando la propria strada e meritano rispetto per le loro scelte. Il rifiuto di queste scelte può far sì che il figlio adulto si senta incompreso o non supportato.

I genitori dovrebbero invece mostrare interesse e offrire sostegno senza giudicare. Incoraggiare conversazioni aperte sulle loro scelte può aiutare a rafforzare la convinzione che i genitori siano alleati nel loro percorso.

13. Genitorialità eccessiva

Once a parent, always a parent, right? While that’s true, over-parenting can sometimes feel more like smothering. Treating your adult children as if they’re still teenagers can make them feel undervalued and stifled.

Remember, they’re grown-ups now, navigating their own paths. La microgestione delle loro vite, dalle decisioni personali alle scelte finanziarie, può sembrare restrittiva e irrispettosa. It sends the message that you don’t trust them to handle their own affairs, which can lead to resentment and distance.

Instead, offer your support and guidance when they seek it, trusting in their ability to make decisions. Celebrate their independence and let them know you’re proud of the adults they’ve become. This approach fosters mutual respect and a stronger, more supportive relationship.

14. Non scusarsi

Nobody’s perfect, and we all make mistakes. What matters is how we handle them. Refusing to apologize when you’re in the wrong can create a significant rift between you and your adult children. It’s like leaving a wound untreated, allowing it to fester over time.

Admitting you’re wrong and offering a sincere apology shows your children that you respect them and value your relationship. It demonstrates humility and a willingness to improve, which can strengthen your bond and rebuild trust.

Apologies don’t erase mistakes, but they pave the way for healing and understanding. By acknowledging your errors and making amends, you open the door to a healthier, more open relationship with your children.

15. Imporre le credenze

We all have our beliefs and values, but imposing them on our adult children can feel suffocating. It’s like trying to fit them into a mold that doesn’t quite suit them, che porta alla frustrazione e all'alienazione.

Respecting your children’s beliefs and encouraging them to explore their own values fosters a sense of autonomy and confidence. When parents insist that their beliefs are the only ‘right’ ones, it can create a barrier, making children feel misunderstood and undervalued.

Impegnatevi invece in dialoghi aperti in cui i diversi punti di vista sono benvenuti. Mostrate ai vostri figli che rispettate le loro prospettive e incoraggiateli a formare le loro convinzioni. Questo approccio alimenta il rispetto reciproco e una più profonda comprensione dell'altro.

16. Prendersi il merito del successo

We all love to see our children succeed, but taking credit for their achievements can feel like stealing their thunder. It’s like casting a shadow over their hard-earned accomplishments, making them feel unappreciated and overshadowed.

While your support undoubtedly played a role, it’s important to celebrate their achievements as their own. Acknowledging their efforts and dedication shows respect and recognition for their hard work.

Instead of claiming credit, express your pride and admiration for what they’ve accomplished. Let them shine in their moment, knowing you’re there cheering them on. This approach strengthens your relationship and shows your children you genuinely value their success.

17. Imporre aspettative

Have you ever felt the weight of someone’s expectations pressing down on you? It’s heavy, isn’t it? Many parents don’t realize how daunting their expectations can feel to their adult kids. Whether it’s following a particular career path or living life a certain way, these expectations can strain relationships.

When parents impose their own dreams and desires onto their children, it can lead to feelings of guilt and inadequacy. Adult kids might start avoiding conversations about their lives to escape judgment or disappointment. It’s important to remember that your children are their own people with their own dreams.

Encourage your children to pursue what makes them happy, not what fulfills someone else’s vision of success. Support them in their journey, offering advice and love without strings attached. This way, they’ll feel free to share their lives with you without fear of letting you down.

18. Coinvolgimento eccessivo

While it’s natural to want to be part of your children’s lives, being overly involved can sometimes feel like an invasion. It’s like having a guest who never leaves, making adult children feel suffocated and overwhelmed.

Constant involvement in their personal and professional lives can send the message that you don’t trust them to handle things on their own. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and frustration, pushing them away in search of independence.

Strive for a balance where you’re supportive but not intrusive. Respect their need for autonomy and trust in their ability to navigate life.

19. Fare di tutto per loro

Conversations are a two-way street, but when parents make everything about themselves, it can feel like a one-way conversation. It’s like someone monopolizing the stage, leaving the other person feeling neglected and unheard.

When every discussion turns into a monologue about your own experiences, it can make your adult children feel sidelined and undervalued. It’s important to listen and engage with their stories, showing genuine interest in their lives.

Dando ai vostri figli lo spazio per condividere i loro pensieri e le loro esperienze, dimostrate attenzione e rispetto per la loro individualità.

20. Rancore

Holding onto past grievances can weigh heavily on any relationship. It’s like dragging a heavy suitcase full of unresolved issues that only serve to create distance and resentment.

When parents hold grudges against their adult children, it can make them feel as though they’re constantly walking on eggshells. It’s important to address and resolve conflicts, allowing for healing and understanding.

21. Trattenere l'affetto

Il rifiuto dell'affetto può creare una barriera che impedisce la connessione emotiva. Adult children still value warmth and care from their parents, even if they’re independent. Physical touch, like hugs, and verbal affirmations can strengthen bonds and reassure them of their worth.

Quando i genitori trattengono l'affetto, possono suscitare nei figli adulti sentimenti di abbandono o di insicurezza. Questa distanza emotiva può ostacolare la crescita di un rapporto di sostegno e di amore.

Per rimediare a questa situazione, i genitori dovrebbero esprimere apertamente il loro amore. Piccoli gesti di gentilezza e rassicurazione hanno un impatto significativo sul benessere emotivo dei figli, favorendo un ambiente più accogliente.

22. Micromanagement

Micromanaging can feel like being under a microscope, with every move scrutinized and second-guessed. For adult children, it’s not just frustrating—it’s suffocating.

Invece di controllare ogni aspetto della loro vita, offrite il vostro sostegno e i vostri consigli quando vi vengono richiesti. Confidate nella loro capacità di orientarsi da soli e di prendere decisioni.

23. Essere inflessibili

Il mondo è in continua evoluzione e l'adattabilità è fondamentale. Quando i genitori sono inflessibili e resistenti al cambiamento, possono creare tensioni con i figli adulti che si trovano a navigare in un panorama diverso.

Being set in your ways can make your children feel like they’re constantly fighting an uphill battle. It’s important to embrace flexibility and be open to new ideas and perspectives.

By showing a willingness to adapt and grow, you demonstrate respect for your children’s evolving lives.

24. Invadere la privacy

Privacy is a fundamental need, no matter the age. When parents invade their adult children’s privacy, it can feel like a violation of trust and respect.

Constantly prying into their personal lives or overstepping boundaries can lead to feelings of suffocation and resentment. It’s important to respect their need for space and autonomy.

Rispettando la loro privacy, dimostrate ai vostri figli che avete fiducia in loro e li rispettate come individui.

25. Usare due pesi e due misure

I doppi standard possono creare confusione e frustrazione in qualsiasi relazione. Quando i genitori applicano regole o aspettative diverse ai figli adulti, possono generare sentimenti di ingiustizia e risentimento.

Consistency is key to maintaining a fair and respectful relationship. It’s important to hold yourself to the same standards you set for your children, demonstrating integrity and fairness.

26. Trascurare la comunicazione

Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship, yet it’s often neglected. When parents fail to communicate openly with their adult children, it can lead to misunderstandings and emotional distance.

Without regular and meaningful communication, it’s easy for relationships to become strained and disconnected. It’s important to prioritize open dialogue and active listening.

27. Non perdonare

Il perdono è una componente fondamentale di ogni relazione sana. Quando i genitori serbano rancore e si rifiutano di perdonare i figli adultipuò creare una barriera alla comprensione e alla connessione.

Holding onto past mistakes and refusing to let go can lead to resentment and emotional distance. It’s important to practice forgiveness and allow for healing and growth.

28. Formulare ipotesi

Assumptions can be misleading and damaging to any relationship. When parents make assumptions about their adult children’s lives, it can lead to misunderstandings and frustration.

By approaching conversations with curiosity and an open mind, you demonstrate respect and understanding for your children’s experiences. This approach fosters honest communication and strengthens your bond.

29. Essere passivi-aggressivi

Passivo-aggressivo comportamento può confondere e danneggiare le relazioni. Quando i genitori ricorrono a una comunicazione indiretta, possono creare incomprensioni e distanze emotive.

Invece di esprimere apertamente il proprio disappunto, il comportamento passivo-aggressivo spesso comporta sottili battute o sarcasmo, creando tensione e confusione.

Praticare una comunicazione diretta e onesta, affrontando i problemi in modo aperto e rispettoso.

30. Mancato adattamento

Il cambiamento è inevitabile, ma adattarsi ad esso può essere impegnativo. Quando i genitori resistono al cambiamento e si aggrappano alle vecchie abitudini, possono creare tensioni con i figli adulti.

Being rigid and unwilling to evolve can make your children feel misunderstood and unsupported. It’s important to embrace change and show a willingness to grow.

By adapting to new circumstances and perspectives, you demonstrate respect for your children’s evolving lives.

31. Ignorare le loro lotte

Life isn’t always easy, and everyone faces their fair share of challenges. When parents downplay or dismiss their adult children’s struggles, it can feel invalidating. Saying things like “You have it so much easier than we did” or “You’ll get over it” minimizes their experiences and makes them feel unheard.

Instead, acknowledge their difficulties and offer a listening ear. Even if their struggles seem small in comparison to what you’ve been through, remember that every generation faces unique challenges. Being a source of comfort and support strengthens your relationship and reassures them that their feelings are valid.

32. Aspettarsi troppa disponibilità

It’s natural to want to spend time with your adult children, but expecting them to be constantly available can lead to tension. They have careers, relationships, and responsibilities that demand their time and attention. If they don’t answer a call immediately or can’t visit as often as you’d like, it’s not a reflection of their love for you.

Evitate di farli sentire in colpa perché sono impegnati. Al contrario, trovate dei modi per entrare in contatto che vadano bene per entrambi. Programmando controlli regolari, attraverso telefonate, messaggi o visite, si può creare un equilibrio che permetta di trascorrere del tempo di qualità senza pressioni. Rispettando il loro tempo, è più probabile che apprezzino e attendano con ansia i momenti che trascorrete insieme.

33. Mantenere aspettative irrealistiche

Ogni genitore nutre speranze e sogni per i propri figli, ma aggrapparsi ad aspettative non realistiche può creare inutili pressioni. Aspettarsi che seguano un certo percorso di carriera, che si sposino entro una certa età o che abbiano dei figli in un periodo specifico può portare a sentimenti di delusione da entrambe le parti.

Invece di imporre aspettative rigide, abbracciate il loro percorso individuale. Festeggiate i loro risultati, anche se diversi da quelli che avevate immaginato. Lasciare andare i risultati predefiniti favorisce una relazione più sana e solidale.

34. Non riconoscere la loro crescita

It’s easy to see your child as the same person they were years ago, but failing to recognize their growth can be frustrating for them. Your adult children have learned, evolved, and developed their own perspectives—treating them as if they’re still kids can be disheartening.

Show appreciation for how far they’ve come by acknowledging their growth. Respect their decisions, ask for their input, and recognize the maturity they’ve gained. This validates their progress and strengthens mutual respect.

35. Prendere sul personale la propria indipendenza

As children grow into adults, they naturally become more independent. While it’s a sign of a successful upbringing, some parents interpret this as rejection. If your child moves to another city, spends more time with their partner, or doesn’t call as often, it doesn’t mean they don’t care.

Instead of feeling hurt, embrace their independence as a testament to the foundation you provided. Trust that the bond you share isn’t measured by the frequency of contact but by the quality of your connection. Fate sapere loro che sostenete la loro autonomia mantenendo la porta aperta per momenti significativi insieme.