8 cose che succedono quando si incontra un bravo ragazzo dopo una relazione narcisistica

Liberarsi da una relazione narcisistica è difficile.

Ci si abitua a sopportarlo amando se stesso e nessun altro. Ci si abitua a essere sempre la seconda scelta e a non ricevere l'attenzione che si merita.

You get used to that kind of behavior and, sadly, you don’t do anything about it. Not until things go too far and beyond repair.

Nei momenti in cui vi concede briciole di attenzione, vi rendete conto che la vostra relazione avrebbe dovuto essere sempre così e, purtroppo, non è così. L'unica cosa che avete in comune è che amate la stessa persona.

That’s why being in a healthy relationship can feel completely strange to you. Here are some of the things that can happen to you when you meet a good guy after a narcissistic relationship:

1. Sa che in voi c'è molto di più di quanto non appaia.

È una sensazione completamente nuova e strana. Lui ha fiducia in te. La tua ultima relazione ti ha fatto dubitare di te stessa e di tutte le scelte che hai fatto.

But now you’ve met a person who knows you can do anything that you set your mind to.

This new feeling you’re experiencing makes you feel awkward because you are not used to being treated the way you deserve.

2. Vuole che vi fidiate di lui

He knows that you’ve been in a relationship where your voice hasn’t been heard. He knows that you are living with a fear of history repeating itself.

That’s why he is patient with you. That’s why he gives you time to surrender to him and trust in him. It’s no surprise that you lost the ability to trust people—your ex made you believe that. This new guy knows that and he is working his way up to prove himself trustworthy.

And what’s more important, he’s letting you learn to trust yourself again.

3. Vi tratta come meritate

È sempre gentile con voi. Fa le cose più semplici che non avete mai sperimentato prima.

You’ve been intrappolati in una relazione egoistica and you didn’t even think about what it would be like if your guy did something for you for a change.

But now that you have it, you don’t know how to react.

4. He pays attention to what you’ve got to say

In your last relationship, it was all about him. The only word you’d been hearing all that time was ‘I’; I did that, I was there…

Ma non questa volta. Avete il diritto di parlare quando volete e avete sicuramente il diritto di dire quello che volete senza paura di sentirvi dire che siete stupidi o di essere giudicati.

Your new boyfriend will listen to you. Your words will have meaning to him. He will be interested in what you’ve got to say.

He wants to hear all about you and your past. He wants to know what you like and don’t like. He wants you to share your life with him.

5. Si scusa

Siete abituati a chiedere scusa in continuazione for pretty much anything just to avoid arguments—although sometimes these things got out of control and you almost fought to the death until someone walked away. And when you or he cooled off, life continued.

That emotional roller coaster becomes normal—you enter an endless routine from which you can’t get out. But it’s different with this guy. Of course, you will fight because everyone fights.

But the one thing that is going to leave you speechless is that he’s going to say those three little words: “I was wrong.”

6. Vi darà il mondo

You were always going the extra mile to suit the narcissist—but you got nothing in return.

Ma ora c'è qualcuno che vi sorprenderà con dei fiori senza motivo, che vi porterà ad un appuntamento e vi tratterà come una regina.

And all that with no hidden motives. He doesn’t need anything from you. He just loves you. It’s as simple as that.

7. Non è manipolatore

Narcissists are men who like to be in control. But no one can control every part of their life and that’s when these guys lose it and take it out on others.

That leaves you walking on eggshells around him, being careful not to say something ‘wrong’.

When you enter a normal, healthy relationship, you learn that such behavior is non-existent. You learn that relationships are all about compromise and that there are two voices to be heard—not one.

8. Vi insegna cos'è veramente l'amore

Vi rendete conto che amore vero is mutual respect. You realize that real love is genuinely caring for someone. Then you realize that your last relationship wasn’t about love. It was all a charade—it was a trap. He made you think you loved him.

You realize what real love is when you wake up next to someone who treats you better—someone who treats you the way you deserve.

Ci si chiede come si possa aver tollerato qualcosa di meno del trattamento attuale.

But you don’t feel ashamed and you don’t pity yourself. You are proud of yourself because it takes a strong woman to break free from a narcissistic relationship.