14 cose frustranti che gli imbroglioni dicono quando vengono affrontati

Essere traditi è un'esperienza straziante. Le cose che i traditori dicono quando li si affronta possono rendere il tutto ancora più doloroso.

There’s nothing worse than feeling betrayed and having your trust broken.

Especially by the ones you love the most. Once that trust is broken it’s hard – and sometimes almost impossible – to fix it.

Unfortunately, many women or men blame themself. They think they’re not good enough or they did something wrong.

La loro fiducia è distrutta. Tutto a causa dei loro partner traditori e della loro discutibile morale. Nessuno dovrebbe passare per questo.

Quando si affronta un traditore, di solito si rifiuta di assumersi la colpa. Diventano persino aggressivi nel loro tono di voce.

A volte cercano di dare la colpa a voi.

Se siete stati vittime di un traditore o sospettate che il vostro partner vi tradisca, ecco alcune delle reazioni comuni dei traditori quando vengono chiamati in causa per il loro comportamento vergognoso.

Le risposte si dividono in diverse categorie in base alla reazione iniziale.

Things they say to make you feel like you’re the one in the wrong:

1. “Nothing is going on, you’re being paranoid”

Questa potrebbe essere la risposta più frustrante da parte di un traditore.

They try to make you feel crazy and think you’re doing something wrong by confronting them with clear evidence.

They will deny everything. What’s worse, he or she will try to make you feel bad by saying you’re making things up just because you’re not confident in yourself.

So, as well as lying to you, they’re also insulting you.

Conoscono tutti i vostri punti deboli e vogliono farvi sentire vulnerabili per poter spostare l'attenzione su di voi.

Confronting a cheater can lead to what’s called gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation where someone – in this case a cheater – makes you doubt your own judgment, memory, and perception, often targeting a victim’s low self-esteem.

Utilizzando la negazione, la disinformazione, la contraddizione e altri metodi di manipolazione della verità, fanno credere alla vittima che ciò che sa essere vero è sbagliato.

Gaslighting is a serious issue that has been recognized by clinical psychologists. It’s commonly used by people who are narcissists.

2. “You don’t trust me!”

Si tratta di una forma di gaslighting. Il vostro ex partner userà ironicamente la fiducia per farvi sentire in colpa per una situazione, mentre chiaramente romperà la vostra fiducia.

By making you an accuser, they trick you into thinking you’re the one who’s making things up. Don’t fall for it. It’s a major red flag.

Their goal is to make you feel like you’re being cruel to them and that you are wrong for bringing the topic up.

Someone who doesn’t have anything to hide will talk about things without a problem.

It’s not that uncommon for people to feel like they are being cheated on, especially if they’ve dealt with similar things before.

If your partner is willing to talk about it, it means they are confident about the truth. Trust is something that’s built throughout the relationship.

If it’s lacking in some other areas of life, it’s no surprise a person will feel like something is going on when confronted with evidence or reasonable doubt.

Se non hanno nulla da nascondere, rimarranno calmi e vi assicureranno che tutto va bene e non faranno scenate.

3. “Where were voi last night?”

Il tentativo di far ricadere la colpa su di voi con contrattacchi è un'altra forma manipolativa di controllo.

Un marito o una moglie che tradisce o qualsiasi tipo di partner fingerà di sentirsi dubbioso e insicuro riguardo al suo comportamento.

They want to trick you into defending yourself. While you’re defending yourself they can manipulate you more easily and change the focus from them onto you.

Questo dà loro il tempo di inventarsi qualcosa e di evitare la situazione.

Confronting a cheater can involve many messy feelings and a lot of intensity, so don’t let them make you feel crazy and fall for their lies.

Things they say to diminish the importance of what they’ve done:

4. “It’s not like we had sex or anything.”

Se avete sorpreso il vostro partner a tradirvi vedendo i suoi messaggi di testo o gli aggiornamenti dei social media, è quasi certo che lo negherà.

Vi accuseranno di rovistando tra le loro cose anche se hanno installato un'app di incontri!

When they’re out of excuses they will try to defend themselves by denying a physical relationship. Even if they didn’t have a physical relationship that doesn’t mean they didn’t cheat.

Emotional cheating can be even worse than just having sex. It means they don’t value you and don’t think you’re enough.

Be aware of the warning signs. If they suddenly pick up their cell phone way more often and have private conversations, there’s a possibility they’re not telling you something.

Your relationship after that won’t be as it was before. Some scenarios are worse than others – for example when they cheat with their co-worker and keep going back to the same job.

It’s almost impossible to repair and regain trust.

5. “It was just a one-time thing.”

Apparently monogamy isn’t for everyone. The problem is when they act like it is.

Dire che il tradimento è stato una cosa da poco è come dire che tradire la tua fiducia e farti sentire inutile è una cosa da poco. Il danno è fatto e recupero della relazione è inevitabile. 

You can’t expect to cheat and move on as if nothing happened. If there has been a first time, there will be a second time too.

6. “It didn’t mean anything.”

Of course it means something. It means they’re not capable of having a normal relationship and respecting their partner.

By decreasing the importance of a one-night stand in a committed relationship they’re decreasing the importance of the relationship itself.

Dicendo it didn’t mean anything they can’t minimize the pain. A person cheats knowing how it’s going to affect their partner, they just don’t count on being busted.

7. “It’s not what it looks like.”

The attempt to rationalize and explain their behavior is one of the ways they try to mask their cheating as something that’s not un grande affare.

It’s cheating. There’s no justifying that.

8. “It was just sex.”

What does that even mean? If sex isn’t that important, why did they have it with someone else in the first place?

Sostenere che il sesso è solo sesso significa che il legame emotivo è più importante.

That doesn’t make sense because cheating is, in fact, an emotional betrayal.

It’s one of the worst things you can do to a person you’re supposedly emotionally connected to.

This response is a way of minimizing the partner’s pain by diminishing the importance of sex.

Clearly, sex is important because otherwise, they wouldn’t have cheated.

It’s known that most people cheat after making an emotional connection with the third person.

It wasn’t just sex. It was betrayal and disrespect.

Le cose che dicono per dare la colpa a voi o a qualcosa o a qualcun altro:

9. “I’m not happy anymore.”

Sometimes when confronting a cheater, they actually admit how they feel about the relationship and that probably means they’re unhappy in it.

Questo include l'ammissione dei loro veri sentimenti nei vostri confronti.

Sentire una cosa del genere è molto doloroso. Tuttavia, forse sarebbe meno doloroso se fossero stati onesti al riguardo prima del tradimento.

If they wanted to break up, they should’ve!

Leading the person on is a sign of cowardice. They can’t be honest with themselves so they’re not honest with you either.

The basis for any relationship should be trust and honesty. With many people it seems, that’s not the case.

In una relazione di lunga durata, può essere particolarmente difficile ammettere che le cose non funzionano.

You don’t need a relationship expert to tell you that things are off when they’re so obviously off.

That still doesn’t excuse the act of cheating, not at all. Everyone deserves to be respected at all times.

Dire you’re not happy isn’t going to solve anything.

10. “I did it because we didn’t have enough sex.”

Una delle cose più comuni che i traditi tirano fuori (soprattutto i maschi) è la mancanza di sesso.

Ma invece di cercare di comunicare il problema in una relazione, decidono che il modo migliore per affrontarlo è trovare soddisfazione altrove.

That’s not a valid excuse for cheating. Yes, people have needs, there’s no arguing about that. However, there are things to be done before doing the worst thing you can do.

Perché non parlarne con il partner? Perché non affrontare il problema e cercare di fare qualcosa? Ammettere il problema?

Andare dritti alla cosa più dolorosa che si possa fare non è certo il modo di affrontarla.

11. “She/he came to me!”

Le cose che i traditori dicono quando vengono affrontati sono a volte semplicemente stupide. Chi se ne frega di chi ha fatto la prima mossa? Come può questo giustificare le cose?

They might admit cheating but still insist on saying they’re innocent because another person was the one who started it.

Che povera scusa! Cercare di incolpare qualcun altro per le proprie colpe è davvero malvagio.

Everybody knows that it takes two people to cheat. One of them doesn’t even have to know about it.

Cose che si dicono quando ti rivogliono dopo averti tradito:

12. “That was a long time ago, things are different now.”

The fact it happened a long time ago and you’ve just found out about it now, doesn’t change this. In fact, it might make it even worse.

Pensare a tutti i ricordi che sono accaduti nel periodo in cui si è tradito può far star male una persona.

La sensazione di essere all'oscuro di tutto è quasi insopportabile. Soprattutto perché significa che il vostro partner vi ha lasciato vivere nella menzogna.

13. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

If they didn’t want to hurt you, they shouldn’t have done it. As simple as that.

Every cheater knows they’re doing something wrong. That’s why saying this doesn’t make sense. It’s just a weak attempt to ask for forgiveness.

Commettere adulterio è una scelta. Una scelta che comporta delle conseguenze. Influisce sui sentimenti di un'altra persona e sulla vita che vivono insieme.

By choosing to do it, despite knowing the consequences, it means they’re choosing to intentionally hurt another person. There’s no third option.

14. “It won’t happen again.”

Even if you choose not to leave your partner, it’s hard to believe cheating won’t happen again. It’s hard to regain trust once after it’s been broken.

Il tradimento non è qualcosa da nascondere sotto il tappeto. Fa sì che la persona riesamini tutto ciò che sa del partner e di se stessa.

Their self-esteem drops and it’s hard to make things go back to the way they were.

When you’ve seen your future with the person who’s cheating on you, it’s hard to confront them about cheating.

A volte la reazione iniziale è quella di dimenticare tutto e tornare a normale. For some people it’s to unleash their anger and get some kind of revenge on their partner.

Le cose dipendono anche dal partner che ha tradito. A volte vogliono tornare alla loro vecchia relazione.

Sometimes they want to move on and stay with the person they’re cheating with.

In case your partner is asking for forgiveness, it’s up to you.

A lot of people would agree that once a partner has been unfaithful it’s impossible to move on and pretend that nothing happened.

Questo influisce enormemente sulla relazione. Il risentimento può rendere impossibile la collaborazione.

Non tutte le situazioni sono uguali. Le cose che i traditori dicono quando vengono affrontati sono diverse a seconda dei casi.

Alcuni traditori sono sinceramente dispiaciuti per ciò che hanno fatto. È probabile che ammettano subito l'infedeltà e chiedano perdono.

There’s a difference between admitting adultery and being caught out. However, what they’ve done is completely self-inflicted.

People make mistakes for various reasons. That doesn’t mean we can justify them. As adults, they’re always responsible for their actions.

If a partner acts selfishly when confronted, it’s obvious they’re not feeling any kind of remorse.

That’s when they start committing other types of emotional abuse in addition to cheating.

Despite everything that’s been said, some relationships survive after cheating.

After all, it’s your decision whether you decide to forgive them and no one else is entitled to give their opinion. Do as you wish but keep in mind all that has been said and done.

If you’re interested in saving your relationship or marriage here are some things you can do:

Innanzitutto, dovete decidere se siete in grado di dare loro un'altra possibilità. Dare una possibilità significa ristabilire la fiducia.

When a person cheats it shows they’re maybe not capable of having a healthy relationship at all.

You need to decide if you think it’s possible for them to really change.

Everybody can make a mistake, but it’s the nature of the mistake and their behavior that shows how fatal that mistake is.

If you have the strength to forgive your partner and make amends, maybe it’s worth trying.

Un'altra cosa che potete fare è cercare di capire veramente i motivi per cui il vostro partner vi ha tradito.

At first, it may seem like they cheated because you weren’t enough for them, but the truth can be very different.

It is possible they cheated to prove to themself that they’re worthy.

No matter how contradictory it may sound, cheating doesn’t have to be about sex only. Sometimes it’s a reaction to dealing with their own lack of worth.

Una delle cose che potete fare è chiedere al vostro partner di promettere che non tradirà mai più.

Chiedete loro di smettere di contattare la terza persona e di impegnarsi a migliorare la vostra relazione.

If the third person is someone who they see daily due to their job – ask them to change their job.

A parte questo, imponete loro di partecipare a sessioni di consulenza relazionale con voi.

Be clear about how you feel and set boundaries. Communicate your conditions and if they agree with them, that’s when you can move onto the next step.

Keep talking about the issue even if it’s painful but respect your limits. It’s important to let go of resentment as much as possible.

Parlate di quali saranno le conseguenze se dovesse accadere di nuovo qualcosa di simile.

Dichiarate apertamente la vostra posizione. Se succede qualcosa di simile, ditegli che li lascerete, vi lascerete o chiederete il divorzio.

Lastly and most importantly, know when to end things once and for all. If your partner doesn’t change despite promises, leave him or her.

There’s nothing you can do but move on. There’s no point in making your life miserable over somebody else’s problem.

No matter how much you love them, they don’t love you enough. For the relationship to work out two people are needed.

Breakups are painful experiences, but sometimes they’re a chance for something new.

There’s only so much we can do if someone doesn’t want to change.

Invece di aspettare il vostro partner, mostratevi rispettosi, concedetevi un po' di tempo per cambiare e andate via.