Capire i traumi e i fattori scatenanti del partner è un linguaggio d'amore

Per molto tempo sono stata convinta che la mia precedente relazione fosse fallita perché io e il mio ex avevamo I diversi linguaggi dell'amore.

You see, love languages are a big deal in each romantic relationship. I’m sure you know them all: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Tocco fisico.

Per farla breve, dopo aver analizzato a lungo, ho capito che il suo linguaggio d'amore era il contatto fisico.

Quest'uomo non aveva alcuna espressione verbale d'amore. Infatti, l'unico modo in cui era in grado di dimostrare affetto era con l'aiuto del tocco intimo.

What’s wrong with that? Well, for an insecure girl like me, this brings a bunch of doubts to the table.

Quest'uomo mi sta solo usando? Il suo unico obiettivo è quello di entrare nei miei pantaloni? Perché non mi dice mai che mi ama?

Queste erano le domande che mi frullavano in testa. Prima ancora di conoscere il concetto di linguaggio dell'amore, queste domande mi stavano divorando.

Vedete, I wasn’t aware of the fact that different people express love in different ways. So, I spent most of my relationship feeling emotionally neglected and questioning my ex’s feelings.

Tutti gli esperti insegnano l'importanza di conoscere il proprio significant other’s love language. Queste preziose informazioni permettono di avere una visione incredibile di tutta la sua personalità.

Not only that: it also gives you a chance for healthier communication. When you are familiar with a man’s love language, you immediately open the doors to his heart and mind.

Imparate ad avvicinarvi a loro e a soddisfare i loro bisogni emotivi.

Even though I’m not saying that the theory of the five love languages isn’t as important as the experts are saying, but there is another thing you must pay attention to if you want a healthy relationship and a happy love life.

I’m talking about your partner’s deeply rooted traumas and triggers. I’m talking about his heartbreaks and mental health conditions.

I’m talking about his emotional wounds that later turned into scars.

Perché è diventato la persona che è oggi? Cosa lo ha trasformato in un uomo emotivamente distrutto, incapace di dire tre semplici parole?

Naturally, it goes both ways – or at least, it should. You can’t love a woman who’s been through hell and back the same way you’d love a girl who’s never experienced the pain of heartbreak.

As a mature man, you have to be brave enough to dig under her layers and find what’s hidden deep inside of her.

It doesn’t matter if your partner was in an abusive relationship, wasted years on a narcissistic manipulator, or can’t get over a painful childhood – they are a trauma survivor.

They are struggling with issues you know nothing about, and it’s your job to help them along the way.

And when you love a trauma survivor – you have to make your relationship feel like home for them. You have to shower them with love and security.

This is what they need, even though they’ll probably never ask for it. Trust me: Solo quando lo farete sarete veramente legati l'uno all'altro.

Only when you see each other’s vulnerabilities exposed will you be sure that you’ve gained your partner’s trust, despite everything they’ve been through in the past.

Don’t get me wrong: it’s not your responsibility to fix people. You’re not a rehabilitation center for damaged men.

So, if you don’t want to deal with someone’s traumas and triggers, that’s perfectly okay. Just be honest with yourself and him and walk away in time before they get used to your presence.

Ma quando decidete di accogliere davvero un'altra persona nella vostra vita, che vi piaccia o no, questa viene con un bagaglio emotivo. They won’t bring only laughter and happiness along.

When you love someone, you also have to love the traumatized child in them. You’re there to help them heal their old wounds, even those they think they’ve forgotten about.

Quando si ama qualcuno, bisogna accettare anche i suoi demoni.

You have to embrace their darkness and help them see the light at the end of the tunnel. And that’s the most important linguaggio dell'amore di tutti.