Mi hai spinto via ma sono atterrato sui miei piedi

I should’ve seen through your crap a long, long time ago… but in a way, I’m kind of glad I didn’t. Because if I had, my life at this very moment would not be the same.

Let’s rewind.

Meeting you for the first time truly took my breath away… You were the most charming man I had ever met… and you looked so good that I wanted to do you there and then, I can’t even lie. You were a walking dream.

Naturally, I wasn’t immune to your charm or your sweet, sweet lies (unbeknownst to me at the time) so it really didn’t take me long di innamorarsi di te interamente.

Prima che riuscissi a capacitarmene, eri parte integrante della mia vita e mi sentivo così bene ad avere un uomo bello, spiritoso e affascinante. al mio fiancoche tutti apparentemente rispettavano e che tutte le ragazze volevano avere. Ero infantilmente orgoglioso di essere stato quello che ti aveva afferrato per primo.

It’s so silly thinking about it now… but the instant lust I felt for you at the time completely blinded me and it literally weakened my ability to judge character.

Ho sempre pensato che non sarei mai potuta essere quella ragazza che si innamorava di un parlatore senza peli sulla lingua but there I was… completely smitten by a man whose touch made me shiver and whose words I believed blindly, like all common sense had vanished from my head.

You knew the hold you had over me and you didn’t hesitate to use it against me. You knew all you needed to do was tell me what I craved to hear and I was yours from head to toe.

You knew that your touch made me incapable of thinking soundly… and that your presence made me weak. You pressed your lips on mine… and I felt it in my entire body. I was hooked on the way you made me feel.

You took advantage of my feelings for you. You played with my mind like a toy and my body was your sanctuary that you were allowed in whenever you wanted it and I never complained. I let you play with me, because it made me feel so damn good… but what it also did was make me look like a complete fool.

I was never the girl who would let animalistic infatuation take control of her life. I was never the girl who would fall for sweet nothings and who craved a man’s presence to the point of feeling hollow without him.

Ma l'incontro con te ha cambiato tutto. Ti ho fatto entrare nella mia testa e ho perso il controllo sulla mia vita. Finché mi hai voluto, mi hai avuto, ero tua.

Finché un giorno hai deciso che ne avevi abbastanza.

I guess you realized that you had used me in all the ways you possibly could and it was time for your next victim. So you just pushed me out of your life, like we never existed. Like I hadn’t let you inside my mind and my body more times than I wish I had.

I felt so used, betrayed and shamed… I felt like the biggest fool for letting you inside my life, subconsciously knowing it would never lead to anything good but giving in to lust and temptation.

I felt like I wasn’t myself anymore. I didn’t recognize the girl in the mirror. Come ho potuto andare contro il mio buon senso e dare a uno stronzo connivente accesso alla mia mente e al mio corpo? Come ho potuto essere così superficiale e debole?

You vanished… and I all I was left with was pain and regret. And a promise that I would never, ever let myself be so blinded and fooled again.

It was hell trying to get over you and learning to forgive myself. It was hell knowing I had to continue living my life with this shame… and finding ways to not resent you for being such a manipulative narcissist.

Ma l'ho superato. Ho imparato a conviverci e alla fine ho capito che la colpa non era mia. Era lei e solo lei. Così, invece di provare questo perenne rimpianto, vergogna e senso di colpa, l'ho trasformato in qualcosa di positivo per me stessa.

Ho trasformato questa brutta esperienza con te in una lezione preziosa.

Non avrei mai conosciuto la mia forza e il mio potere se non ti avessi permesso di usarmi e di prendermi in giro. Ci vuole davvero un'esperienza di merda e dolorosa per rendersi conto di quanto si è veramente forti ed è proprio così che ho scelto di vederla.

Now, I think twice before letting anyone close to me. Now, it takes a lot more than a hot body and empty words to win me over. And now, nobody has access to my body unless I can honestly say that there’s a future there.

You’ve made me so much more careful and if it wasn’t for you, who knows how long it would have taken me to realize what I know now.

I wish I could see you one more time. But only to make you see that you didn’t break me and you didn’t destroy my faith in love. You didn’t shake me and I’m still standing.

All you did was teach me a lesson I’ll never forget.

I don’t resent you anymore and I don’t hate myself. That is such a waste of time.

Invece, ho scelto di credere che ogni esperienza contenga una lezione preziosa e tu sei stata la mia. Nulla di più e nulla di meno.