Non meritavi di morire

Sai, anche se penso a te per la maggior parte del tempo, riesco in qualche modo ad affrontare la verità e ad accettare che sei andato via. Mi dico che dovrei essere forte perché tu non sei più qui per essere forte per entrambi.

I even try to understand those people who tell me that God always takes away the best people and that you were just like that. I believe them when they say that you take care of me from heaven and that you would be so proud of me for everything I’ve gone through.

But there are days when I can’t accept that you are not here because you have every right to be. So, I get mad. I get frustrated. I get angry. And there are so many bad emotions inside of me that I sometimes think I will explode.

Because no matter how much I would love to bring you back, I can’t. And that feeling is eating me alive. It makes my body shiver. It makes a fuss in my mind, so I can’t think straight. It makes different questions keep rising in my head, and I don’t have an answer to any of them.

And on those days, I feel so bad that I can’t be strong like you always wanted me to be. I am sorry that I am negative and that I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am sorry that I am bad company. I am sorry for not being as strong as you were.

You know, I am mad because you left all those people who loved you. You just left even if we weren’t ready for that.

Don’t you know that there are still faces that need your kisses? Don’t you know that there are still small hands that are waiting to reach around your neck? Don’t you know that I miss you? We all do.E quello che mi fa più incazzare è essere in compagnia di persone cattive che vivono la loro vita perfetta mentre tu sei due metri sotto terra. Il tuo cuore bello e puro meritava di più di un po' di fredda terra. Meritava più giorni e anni con i tuoi cari.

Ti sei meritato di vivere una vita felice circondato dalla tua famiglia, dai tuoi nipoti che ti saltano allegramente intorno mentre cerchi di dar loro da mangiare. Hai meritato di morire nel sonno sapendo che staremo bene anche senza di te. Che saremo in grado di prenderci cura di noi stessi perché ci hai insegnato molto bene come farlo.

But no. You didn’t wait. You left without even saying goodbye. You left so unexpectedly. And I still can’t believe you are not here. And you have every right to be.

I am so mad because life isn’t fair. I am mad because you didn’t deserve to die. I am mad because nothing about your life was fair—and about your death either.

It hurts so much that I can’t call you and ask you about your day. I hate that I miss you all the time. I hate that every memory of you makes me cry. And most of all, I hate that you are not here.

You are supposed to sit here with me, telling me that I shouldn’t cry but laugh instead. You should be here to tell me that I have to be strong because you always taught me to be like that.

Dovresti essere qui, così posso appoggiare la testa sulla tua spalla come facevo una volta dopo una giornata di lavoro stressante. Accidenti, dovresti essere qui!

E anche se credessi per un attimo alle persone che dicono che ora sei in un posto migliore, continuerei a pensare che è stato tutto un grande errore.

I will still believe that you shouldn’t have gone.

I will still believe that you didn’t deserve to die.