Perché gli uomini hanno bisogno di spazio in una relazione e come affrontarlo

When your significant other says he needs some space, or he starts to distance himself to make some, you dread the worst. You fear that “space” means he’s had enough of your relationship and wants out. You fear that all he wants is per rompere con te.

Ma a volte l'unica ragione per cui gli uomini hanno bisogno di spazio in una relazione e per cui si allontanano è che hanno bisogno di una possibilità di fare spazio per se stessi pur stando con un'altra persona.

That’s perfectly normal. Two people in a relationship need to hold on to their individuality and their own life that they have outside of the relationship, not only the one they’re creating together.

It may sound abstract, but granting space and freedom – aka spending time apart in a relationship – pulls you closer.

L'aspetto negativo del bisogno di spazio è che uomini e donne lo percepiscono in modo diverso.

Women have a hard time accepting it and that’s why when men say they need space. On the other hand, women assume the worst and go into this state of confusion and sadness, while the men had no intention of making them feel that way.

To make things a bit more clear, let’s look at the possible reasons why men say they need space.

Not only that: here are also the ways to deal with it- successful ways that will increase your chances of saving your relationship and creating an even firmer bond. So, let’s get started!

Perché i ragazzi chiedono spazio in una relazione?

C'è più di un motivo per cui gli uomini hanno bisogno di spazio. Alcuni lo chiedono perché ne hanno bisogno per capire le cose, alcuni sono evitanti che hanno paura di affezionarsi troppo, mentre in alcuni casi il motivo è il vostro comportamento bisognoso.

Either way, the most important thing for you to understand is that this is perfectly normal. Just because your partner wants some time and space for himself- it doesn’t mean he wants out of the relationship.

It’s natural that we all want some privacy and that’s all he’s asking for. But let’s check every possible reason why guys need space, to make things a bit clearer for everyone out there wondering.

Appiccicosità

Alcune donne diventano appiccicose without even being aware of it. It’s like a natural reflex.

This kind of behavior is nothing uncommon. It’s natural for you to be as close as possible to your loved ones.

You feel for this guy and now you want to spend every second of your free time with him. You just can’t get enough of him and you’re not realizing that you’re actually suffocating him.

O le vostre fonti di aggrappamento tornano a le vostre insicurezze. Anche questo è un comportamento di molte donne.

When a relationship starts feeling a bit more serious, they hold onto their partner more tightly because they’re scared of things not working out.

Così, involontariamente, soffocano la relazione ossessionando e analizzando eccessivamente ogni situazione, insistendo per essere in costante contatto (soprattutto via sms), trascorrendo con il partner tutto il tempo umanamente possibile e non dandogli spazio per respirare.

Purtroppo, nella maggior parte dei casi, ottengono il risultato opposto: finiscono per scacciare il ragazzo. If you are guilty of this, let me tell you a little secret: your man will get tired of you if you’re available 24/7.

Besides, the harsh truth could be that he feels trapped and caged. Without even being aware of that, you’re taking away his freedom.

You’re trying to wipe off the life he had before you- like his only role in life is to be your boyfriend.

So che è una pillola difficile da ingoiare, ma se vi chiedete perché gli uomini hanno bisogno di spazio, la vostra appiccicosità potrebbe essere la risposta.

Cosa fare?

La cosa più importante da fare in questo caso è riuscire ad ammettere a se stessi che sei appiccicoso e vedere cosa si può fare per superarlo. I vostri timori sono probabilmente infondati e non c'è bisogno di esercitare questo tipo di pressione sul vostro partner.

Se questo è il caso e lui dice di aver bisogno di spazio, concedeteglielo.

Occupa la tua mente con te stessa, lavora su qualcosa che ti appassiona. Concentratevi sui vostri bisogni e sul vostro benessere invece di ossessionarlo.

Create; discover; don’t let your feelings and fears be what ruins your relationship. Because if space is really the only thing he needs, your relationship will prosper – there’s no doubt about it.

Inoltre, questo dargli la possibilità di sentire la tua mancanza. You’ll show him that you’re perfectly fine without him and that will make him realize he can lose you any time.

Le cose si muovono troppo velocemente

Il motivo principale per cui un uomo teme di impegnarsi è che crede che se le cose si fanno più serie, perderà la sua libertà.

They all have that one friend or a few of them who “stopped being themselves” after being in a committed relationship – they never have time to hang out, they don’t do things they like, and their girlfriend calls every few minutes to check-in.

He doesn’t want to share their fate, so si allontana e cerca un po' di spazio.

Cosa fare?

The worst thing to do here is to not grant him that space. In that case, you’ll just show him that his fears are reasonable.

Do the opposite. Show him that you won’t do anything to cancel his independence.

Incoraggiatelo a uscire con i suoi amici, sostenetelo quando si pone un nuovo obiettivo, lasciargli un po' di tempo per sé when he asks, don’t text him often.

Fidatevi di lui. Se gli date spazio, verrà da voi con i suoi tempi; ha solo bisogno di sentirsi libero di fare le cose che gli piacciono.

Capire gli uomini significa pensare a ciò che gli uomini vogliono e a ciò di cui hanno bisogno.

E quello che vogliono e di cui hanno bisogno è uno spazio emotivo che li aiuti a gestire i loro sentimenti e qualsiasi problema stiano attraversando alla fine della giornata.

And if you don’t make sure to give your man that, he’ll pull back. And when a man pulls back, it means hiding in his “man cave” and ignorare tutti i messaggi di testo e quant'altro.

Now, I know it’s hard to stay indifferent to your feelings and I know it might sound counterintuitive to you, but it’s of crucial importance that you stop holding him back and rather start encouraging him to be himself. Remember that he needs space!

He has to feel that a relationship doesn’t equate to putting chains on somebody.

By giving him enough room, you will make him miss you when you aren’t around. (Trust me, it’s one of the best bits of relationship advice I’ve ever received!)

Vedi anche: 5 cose da fare quando lui si allontana

Ha bisogno di tempo per affrontare i suoi problemi

Quando gli uomini sono stressati, oberati di lavoro, tristi o in generale si sentono male, cercano un po' di solitudine.

They’ll create some distance. That “rule” applies to all men on earth and all types of relationships – high school romances, serious relationships, almost relationships, you name it.

And no, it won’t be because they lost all their feelings for you or have any intention of hurting you. The only reason why men need space and why they pull back is because they are programmed that way.

The main culprit for misunderstanding here is gender differences. While a woman would immediately talk to somebody and pour her heart out in a bad situation, a man does the opposite: he withdraws and excludes everyone around him. He doesn’t want to talk about it or even deal with it.

Cosa fare?

Try to understand where he’s coming from. Don’t try and force things out of him.

Osservatelo, perché forse sapete già perché si comporta in modo strano e distante all'improvviso.

The main reason he doesn’t come to talk to you openly about his problems is that he doesn’t want to appear weak in your eyes. Give him as much space and time as he needs to come around and talk to you because, trust me, that’s exactly what your guy needs!

Keep in mind that it probably has nothing to do with you or anything concerning your love life, he’s just dealing with his own issues in his own way.

And once you give him some space, he’ll feel the need to talk to you the next day, the day after that, or in a few days for sure.

Incomprensioni o problemi nella relazione

The same behavioral pattern as to when he has his own issues to deal with will arise when a relationship goes through some problems or obstacles. Instead of talking about it, he’ll stay silent and cambiare il suo comportamento.

He won’t say that he feels like you don’t understand him or that something is not working right, because these aren’t “manly” things to say.

Cosa fare?

The only solution he’ll see is to take a step back and figure out where everything is heading.

This is the time when you have to speak up. If you are under the impression that things aren’t right between you, you have to find a way to deal with it.

Ask him what the problem might be. Ask him why he no longer tells you “I love you” or why he no longer texts first, or whatever the case may be. And whatever he tells you, don’t overreact or go into defense mode.

Otterrete molto di più ascoltando e cercando di vedere le cose dalla sua prospettiva.

If you can understand him, then you can find a solution and work on the problem, and avoid making even bigger ones by ignoring them and sweeping them under the rug. They are bound to come out – it’s just a matter of time.

Whatever his reason for needing space might be, you have to remember that 95% of the time it doesn’t have anything to do with you and everything to do with him.

Uomini e donne sono semplicemente cablati in modo diverso e hanno modi diversi di affrontare certe situazioni.

That’s why they hit rough patches and at times fail to communicate that easily.

Vedi anche: Ha bisogno di spazio o è finita? (7 modi per capirlo)

Interrogazione la relazione

I’ll be honest with you here: even though, in most cases, asking for some room is not a red flag, sometimes it really can be alarming.

Tutti gli esperti di relazioni vi diranno la stessa cosa: è possibile che il vostro fidanzato voglia stare un po' da solo perché in realtà sta cercando un'occasione per riflettere sulla vostra relazione.

I’m not talking about the issues you two might have here only. Instead, I’m telling you he wants to take a break from you so he can figure out whether you’re the one or not.

È molto probabile che questo scenario si verifichi quando la vostra relazione raggiunge un certo bivio.

It can happen after a few months of your new relationship. You guys are done with casual dating, you have been together for a couple of months and it’s time to see where things are going.

Diventerete esclusivi? Si tratta di un relazione seria? Or you’re not cut for each other and it’s best to split ways.

You might be sure that you want the guy next to you as your boyfriend but hey, that doesn’t make him so certain.

So che questa consapevolezza probabilmente rovinerà la vostra autostima, ma alcune persone hanno bisogno di più tempo per decidere.

Lo stesso vale per le relazioni a lungo termine. Dopo tanti anni di vita insieme, si sta chiedendo se vuole davvero passare il resto della sua vita con te.

I’m not saying that you’re necessarily pressioni su di lui perché si sposi. It’s just that he wants to think things through. Are you his happily ever after or not?

Cosa fare?

As much as these sorts of things can kill your self-esteem and make you question your own worth, please don’t look at everything so negatively. Let’s be realistic. Turn off your heart for just a moment and realize that you’re actually dealing with a mature man here.

He probably didn’t choose the best way to deal with his dilemmas but hey, don’t we all have them? This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you.

It’s just that he’s aware that sometimes love isn’t enough. He wants to think about your future together and about whether you’re compatible or not.

Also, he wants to see if he can live without you. Well, if your man wants space- that’ exactly what he’ll get.

Trust me, before you know it, he’ll start missing you like hell. Don’t chase after him, no matter what.

Dovete esaudire i suoi desideri. Fategli capire quanto sarebbe terribile la sua vita senza di voi.

La paura di impegno

E se il vostro uomo fosse davvero innamorato di voi, ma avesse difficoltà a dimostrarlo? E se fosse paura di quanto gli piaci?

No, non si tratta solo di una stronzata che i ragazzi dicono alle ragazze per fare di testa loro: a volte è davvero la verità.

Vedete, questo il ragazzo ha la fobia di impegnarsi. But he isn’t actually scared of letting a girl in- he’s scared of heartbreak.

Allo stesso tempo, sa che l'unico modo certo per evitare di essere feriti è quello di non legarsi troppo emotivamente.

Nevertheless, he didn’t count on loving you this much. Now that he’s become aware of his emotions, he wants to distance himself.

On the other hand, he is too much in love with you to leave you just like that. So he finds a compromise: he still wants you in his life but doesn’t want to become emotionally dependent on you.

I know what you must be thinking: you love this guy and he loves you back. So why can’t you just have a healthy relationship without all of this drama?

Well, wouldn’t life be easier that way? Sadly, sometimes you run into obstacles, and here is one of them.

Cosa fare?

You’re dealing with a man who was emotivamente non disponibile fino a quando non ha incontrato voi. Congratulazioni per aver abbattuto i suoi muri, senza nemmeno averci provato.

What he has to understand is that you won’t break his heart. Don’t pressure him into anything he doesn’t feel ready for.

But at the same time, make sure he knows he’s safe around you. Find a way to show him that you’re trustworthy and that you won’t use his vulnerabilities against him.

Once your guy sees a best friend in you and once he realizes he can get emotionally naked in front of you- he’s all yours.

Un percorso verso la rottura

This one is the toughest. It’s something you’ve feared the most: your BF is alla ricerca di un modo per rompere con voi.

He doesn’t have the courage to really do it. Instead, he tells you he wants to fare una pausa.

Of course, he doesn’t give you a valid reason for his change of heart. He just tells you that he wants to focus on his own needs and his own well-being for a while and that your relationship is taking too much of his energy and time.

Before you know it, your best friend sees him with another girl. Of course, he doesn’t post anything about his new relationship on social media because he is hiding the real truth from you.

Why? Well, besides being a coward, this man is also keeping you as his backup plan. He doesn’t want to technically dump you so he can come back if nothing else works out.

In the meantime, he’ll be living a life of a bachelor. How convenient, isn’t it?

Cosa fare?

Il primo passo da fare è essere sicuri delle sue intenzioni. Ricordate che questa non è sempre la risposta alla domanda sul perché gli uomini hanno bisogno di spazio.

Once you confirm your doubts and realize that this is just an excuse for a breakup, don’t give him space only- scaricare questo ragazzo IL PRIMA POSSIBILE!

Beat him in his own game and show him that he can’t play with you the way he wants.

Tell him that you’re the one who’s been craving space for some time now but you didn’t want to break his heart. You’re so happy he needs space because that’s exactly what you want too.

I know this might be difficult to pull off but trust me- it’s the way to give him a taste of his own medicine. This man will eat himself alive once he sees how everything backfired on him.

Dare spazio a un uomo funziona?

Giving him space is not always easy but sometimes, it’s the best thing you can do for your relationship. In fact, taking a break from your relationship can broaden both of your perspectives.

First of all, it will give you a chance to see whether you want to live without each other. It will make you realize which one is true: “Distance makes the heart fonder” or “Out of sight, out of mind”.

Of course, you don’t have to stop seeing each other completely for this arrangement to work. You can just reduce the number of your dates, phone calls, or texts.

Or you can pretend that you’re in a long-distance relationship for a while- until you both figure things out.

I ragazzi tornano dopo aver avuto bisogno di spazio?

Your man is the one who asked for space but ironically, he’ll start to miss you once you grant his wishes. Lasciatelo andare and see what happens- it’s likely that he’ll come back sooner than you expect him to.

But even if he doesn’t, it’s just proof that he never deserved you in the first place. You know what they say: Se amate qualcosa, lasciar perdere. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be.

Pensieri finali

The most common reason why men need space is because they are just wired that way and it’s in their nature.

He will need some actual space for himself, but that doesn’t have to be something awful.

He’ll still be around and attentive, but maybe the intensity will be reduced, which is quite normal when relationships get a bit more serious.

Forse vi mancherà la quantità di tempo che passate insieme, ma la qualità sarà molto maggiore.

Un po' di spazio per respirare vi darà la possibilità di sentire la mancanza l'uno dell'altro, e i nuovi interessi e le attività che svolgete nel tempo libero renderanno i vostri argomenti di conversazione più ampi e interessanti.

Se ci pensate bene, concedervi uno spazio reciproco potrebbe essere la cosa di cui avete sempre avuto bisogno.

Vedi anche: L'ho spaventato? (6 modi per saperlo con certezza)