Amore all'università: 17 consigli per far funzionare le cose

Cosa dicono gli esperti di relazioni durante l'università? Possono funzionare o sono destinate a fallire?

Dovresti impegnarti in qualcosa di serio durante i tuoi studi o è meglio mantenere tutto casuale?

If you’re a college freshman, you already asked yourself these and many other questions regarding a love life at college. Well, you came to the right place because you’re about to get all the answers you need.

1. Don’t be paura di essere single

Quindi, ovviamente, questo sarà un testo su come gestire le storie d'amore nel modo migliore se siete studenti universitari.

However, before we start with the actual tips regarding this topic, I want to give you the most important piece of advice: don’t be afraid to be single.

Ovviamente questo vale per ogni periodo della vita, ma è fondamentale per l'università.

If you feel like you’re better off on your own, if you don’t find anyone you like well enough to date or have a relationship with or if you simply want to focus on other things besides your love life, that is perfectly okay.

Please, don’t fall under the pressure of your surroundings and think of yourself as a weirdo or an outcast just because you don’t have a college relationship and are not a part of any love story.

Don’t compare yourself to others and date just about anyone because you see couples all around you.

No, you won’t miss much if you remain single during your college years.

Yes, romances in college can become one of your most cherished memories in your adult life, but if it’s not meant to be, please don’t beat yourself up about it.

Concentratevi invece su voi stessi, sui vostri migliori amici e sulla vostra famiglia, e godetevi la vostra vita dentro e fuori dal campus nel miglior modo possibile.

2. You don’t have to find “the one”

If you’ve ever read college romance novels (such as “Game On” by Kristen Callihan or college romance books by other Amazon or Goodreads authors such as Colleen Hoover or Abbi Glines), in which the good girl falls in love with a rock star bad boy she met during her studies and eventually, the two of them end up together, despite all the obstacles, you probably romanticized the idea of finding everlasting love on campus.

The same goes with all other books about romance in college: they give you hope that this is the place where you’ll find your persona per sempre.

Well, let me tell you that romance books that take place in college and real life scenarios are not the same. In fact, during college, you don’t have to find “the one”.

You don’t have to be with the same person from your first until your last year in college.

On the other hand, you can have one college relationship throughout your entire studies, but this person doesn’t have to be someone you’ll spend the rest of your life with.

Yes, it is important for you to find a compatible partner, but don’t beat yourself up with thinking too far ahead in the future.

Liberatevi dalla pressione che ogni relazione in cui vi impegnate debba funzionare e finire con il matrimonio.

On the contrary, the bitter truth is that most romances in college don’t last long after you both finish your studies.

I’m not saying that yours will fail as well, but this fact is definitely something you should have in mind before even starting anything.

Besides, be aware of the differences between men’s and women’s ideas of a college romance.

While most guys are looking forward to one night stands, women’s desires are usually centered around finding a long-term partner.

3. Utilizzare questo tempo per imparare

Obviously, you came to college to study and learn new things. You’re here to educate yourself academically and to make something out of yourself in the future.

Tuttavia, c'è anche un altro tipo di apprendimento che dovreste intraprendere.

Invece di concentrarvi sul tentativo di trovare l'anima gemella, dovreste considerare questo periodo come un'opportunità per conoscere meglio voi stessi e i vostri potenziali partner.

Quali sono i tipi di ragazze o ragazzi con cui le piace di più uscire? Sei sicuro al cento per cento della tua sessualità o sei aperto alle sperimentazioni?

Riesci a vederti in una relazione a lungo termine o in un matrimonio in futuro? Sei in grado di essere coinvolto in incontri casuali e avventure occasionali o non è la tua tazza di tè?

This is the period in which you’ll find out more about your rompiscatole, standards, sexual preferences, and the period in which you’ll get to know yourself in a completely new light—a period in which you’ll learn some tough lessons which will prove to be the most valuable ones in the future.

4. Conoscere la differenza tra amore e lussuria

Another important tip for college romances is to understand that there is a huge difference between the real deal and one night stands—a difference between sleeping with someone, dating them, being in a relationship and finally, being fully committed to them.

When you’re young and your hormones are going wild, it is incredibly easy to mistake the two things.

You hook up with a friend of a friend at a party or you meet with someone from your dating app, and the next thing you know, you’re convinced that you’re desperately in love with them, that you will love them for the rest of your life, and that you would die if they left.

The truth is that this is nothing but your body deceiving you. You’re actually falling into a common trap many young people find themselves in: you’re confusing lust and love.

Ebbene, questo è il momento in cui imparerete che queste due cose non sono affatto uguali, anche se hanno molto in comune.

You’ll learn that sharing strong chemistry and passion with someone doesn’t automatically mean that they’re your other half or someone you should waste all your college years on.

5. Attenzione al sesso

Let’s be honest: this is the period of your life in which you’ll probably have the most interesting sex life; the period of trying out new things and learning about your own sexuality.

Even though I’m not judging any of these, I’m here to ask you to be careful.

Ricordate sempre di usare le protezioni, perché l'ultima cosa di cui avete bisogno ora è una gravidanza indesiderata o una malattia venerea presa da qualcuno con cui siete andati a letto per la prima volta, che potrebbe cambiare il corso della vostra vita per sempre.

Also, I’m begging you not do anything you’re not ready for. Respect your body, and demand the same treatment from your partner(s).

You’re not old-fashioned or a prude if you see that you’re not emotionally capable for having one night stands, for not wanting to sleep with someone you texted on the dating app or if you need more time to sleep with someone for the first time than the rest of the people of your generation.

Also, if you’re a guy, you don’t have to try so hard to maintain a bad boy reputation if that is not something you want.

Besides, even if you choose to remain a virgin, that is also your choice. You shouldn’t be ashamed of it, and nobody is allowed to judge you for it.

Remember, this is your own body we’re talking about here.

Therefore, you’re the only one who is allowed to set boundaries, and nobody has the right to invade your personal space more than you let them.

Un'altra cosa importante è non permettere a nessuno di usarvi solo per entrare nei vostri pantaloni.

Don’t get me wrong— there is nothing wrong with sleeping with someone without any strings attached if that is what you both want.

Tuttavia, evitare di essere un'esca a qualcuno a cui tieni solo per integrarti in questa cultura del rimorchio.

Invece, siate abbastanza coraggiosi da dire all'oggetto del vostro affetto che volete di più e che può avere l'intero pacchetto, che include il vostro cuore, il vostro corpo e la vostra mente, oppure niente.

Have in mind that in most cases, sex is more than sex, so be careful to whom you’re giving your body.

Even though you shouldn’t give a damn about what other people are saying, be careful about your reputation, and pay special attention to emotional consequences casual intercourse might leave on you.

6. Don’t fall under the pressure of the hook up culture

The same goes with all other concepts of modern dating: whatever you do, don’t fall under the pressures of your surroundings.

I know that everywhere you look, people are sleeping around, having ‘no strings attached’ relationships and not wanting to commit, but if that is not something you feel comfortable doing, don’t even think of forcing yourself into anything just so you don’t stand out.

Ricordate che l'amore e l'onestà non passeranno mai di moda, a prescindere da ciò che qualcuno potrebbe dirvi.

You’re not weak or pathetic if you refuse to be a part of these practices and if you choose to be single until the right person comes along.

However, if you do enter a relationship, please don’t make it an on and off thing, based on mind games and mixed signals.

You don’t have to play hard to get or pretend that you don’t want to label things with your partner just because of these imaginary rules imposed by the agganciare culture we’re all surrounded by.

7. It won’t be easy

I won’t lie to you—maintaining a healthy relationship is difficult when you’re a fully grown adult, let alone when you’re in college.

Bisogna trovare un equilibrio tra le lezioni, il tempo per lo studio, il tempo per la famiglia e il tempo per il lavoro. migliori amici a casa e, soprattutto, il tempo per se stessi.

Consequently, all of this might feel overwhelming at first, and there is a possibility that your relationship won’t be going as smoothly as you expected it would.

However, accept this as something completely normal, and don’t beat yourself up for every little failure.

Riflettete bene e decidete se vale la pena lottare per questo. Siete davvero innamorati e siete pronti a far funzionare le cose?

If the answer is positive, go for it. On the other hand, if you don’t see this romance going anywhere, maybe it’s better to call it quits in time.

Don’t worry, you’re not a chicken for giving up. Instead, see this as a sign of your maturity and your ability to list your priorities the right way.

8. Don’t rush things

La maggior parte degli esperti di incontri concorda su una cosa quando si tratta di una relazione sentimentale all'università: prendere le cose con calma.

Don’t jump into a new relationship the moment you arrive on campus, and give yourself time to adapt.

Molte persone commettono lo stesso errore: durante il primo anno di università si trovano in un ambiente sconosciuto e cercano qualcuno che li conforti, che diventi la loro persona e la loro zona sicura.

So, they start dating the first person they run into, in hopes of regaining the sense of familiarity they’ve lost since they left home.

Well, let me tell you that this is a mistake. Before even taking romance into consideration, first and foremost, you have to find your own path and figure out how to get by without anyone’s help.

Abituatevi a nuove materie, materiali e insegnanti. Guardatevi intorno, trovate i vostri interessi. Incontrare nuovi migliori amici, riprendersi dalla nostalgia di casa e, solo allora, verificare se intorno a voi ci sono persone con cui uscire.

9. Mettere la propria istruzione al primo posto

I don’t care if you think you’ve found the love of your life and how crazy you are about your boyfriend/ girlfriend.

Non c'è assolutamente nessuna giustificazione che vi permetta di dimenticare il motivo per cui siete venuti all'università.

And that is to learn new things, to make new opportunities, and to become the person you’re destined to be.

Sì, avete sentito bene. Per quanto andare all'università sia un'esperienza sociale preziosa, l'istruzione viene sempre prima di tutto.

Pertanto, se avete degli esami o una tesina da consegnare, la vostra relazione sentimentale ne risentirà. Non potete assolutamente permettere che queste farfalle nello stomaco interferiscano con il vostro obiettivo finale.

Sì, dormire accanto alla persona amata e non andare a qualche lezione è fantastico, ma quel momento di gioia è temporaneo e passerà.

Tuttavia, questo tipo di comportamento irresponsabile potrebbe avere gravi conseguenze sugli studi, e dovreste interromperlo nel momento in cui ve ne accorgete.

10. Don’t expect too much from your high school romance

Molte matricole universitarie aspettarsi di continuare la loro relazione con la fidanzata del liceo anche quando vanno all'università.

While I’m not claiming that each one of these romances is doomed to fail, it is better not to get your hopes up when it comes to long-distance college romances.

Innanzitutto, la maggior parte delle persone si reinventa quando lascia la scuola superiore.

In un attimo si diventa una persona completamente diversa e, prima di rendersene conto, non si ha più nulla in comune con una persona che significava il mondo per noi.

I won’t lie to you—accepting this is quite difficult and painful.

However, sometimes it’s better to face the harsh truth and end things when they stop working instead of wasting more years on something that clearly has no future.

11. Avoid dating someone you can’t go no contact with after the breakup

Un'altra delle regole d'oro per una storia d'amore all'università è quella di non uscire con qualcuno con cui si hanno più lezioni o con cui si vive nello stesso edificio del campus.

Yes, spending this much time together sounds like a dream come true in the beginning when it’s all roses and rainbows.

Tuttavia, in seguito, questo tipo di accordo potrebbe causare problemi nella vostra relazione.

Prima di tutto, è un terreno fertile per uno dei due che diventa possessivo. maniaci del controllo because you’re in a position to literally follow your partner’s every move.

Besides, you two are accidentally dragged into a situation you didn’t sign up for. You have practically lived together since day one, and you are definitely not ready for such a serious relationship.

Un altro svantaggio di uscire con qualcuno che è troppo vicino a voi è la maggiore possibilità che i due si stanchino l'uno dell'altro.

Si passa troppo tempo insieme, si trascurano gli altri e, prima di rendersene conto, ci si stufa l'uno dell'altro.

Inoltre, questo rende le cose molto più imbarazzanti se vi lasciate.

You’ll have a hard time getting over this person if you’re sentenced to keep on seeing them every day, and you can’t go full nessun contatto, anche se lo si desidera.

Pertanto, sarebbe meglio trovare qualcuno fuori dal campus.

A person who is near enough so you could see each other when you want but with whom you don’t share a dorm.

12. Don’t forget about other people

L'università non serve solo a trovare l'amore. Si tratta anche di formare una famiglia per tutta la vita, amicizie leali.

Si tratta di incontrare nuove persone provenienti da culture, visioni del mondo e contesti diversi che possono insegnarvi molto e costruirvi come persone.

So, please, don’t miss out on these valuable experiences just because you’re in love.

Don’t put all of your time and energy on this one person and forget about the others.

This goes for your family and friends back home, as well. Don’t disregard your previous life completely because of your special someone.

Besides, what will you do if you two break up? I’ll tell you what will happen: you’ll end up all alone, without anyone to talk to, and you’ll regret spending your entire college time only with them.

13. Find someone who won’t hold you back

The worst thing you can do to yourself is having a partner who doesn’t support your dreams, goals, and ambitions.

It is spending years next to someone who holds you back and convinces you that you won’t succeed at anything you set your mind to.

Trovate invece qualcuno che vi ispiri a diventare il la migliore versione possibile di te stesso e che sarà il vento alle ali in tutte le situazioni.

Someone who will push you forward, who won’t be intimidated by your successes, and who will be there to help you get back up whenever you fall.

Trovatevi un fidanzato o una fidanzata ambiziosi, che abbiano obiettivi futuri precisi e che sappiano cosa vogliono dalla vita.

Someone who will be both your study and romantic partner, and someone who won’t take your energy off your dreams.

14. Don’t waste time on a relationship which doesn’t make you happy

A romantic relationship shouldn’t be the only source of your happiness—there is no doubt about that. However, it shouldn’t make you miserable either.

You see, life is difficult enough on its own. Therefore, you shouldn’t spend the best years of your life sad, crying over someone who doesn’t deserve you.

Sì, Il vero amore ha bisogno di lottare for, and healthy relationships aren’t built overnight.

Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that you should strain every nerve just to preserve a romance which obviously isn’t meant to be.

La vita vi tirerà addosso mattoni e pietre in futuro, e questo è probabilmente l'ultimo periodo in cui potete essere spensierati.

Questo è il periodo in cui dovreste godervi ogni momento, senza tutti i problemi degli adulti che ogni giorno porta con sé.

Quindi, avete davvero bisogno di qualcuno che vi rovini l'intera esperienza? Penso di no.

15. Determinare il proprio livello di impegno

When you’re involved in any type of college relationship, you’re allowed to set your own rules and agree with your partner regarding your levels of commitment.

You two are the ones who need to determine whether it’s okay to see other people or you’re exclusive, whether you’ll try and plan a future together, and so on.

Qualsiasi cosa facciate, assicuratevi che nessuno limiti la vostra libertà.

This might be challenging to achieve because it is natural that you can’t behave the same when you’re taken and single, but on the other hand, you don’t want to spend all your Saturday nights in front of the TV with your partner during your entire college experience.

Also, please be careful about the promises you’re making.

Anche se ora siete certi che la persona accanto a voi sia il vostro anima gemella e che voi due finirete insieme, la verità è che molte cose cambieranno durante e soprattutto dopo l'università.

In realtà, la persona che siete da matricola e quella che diventerete all'ultimo anno di università saranno probabilmente due persone completamente diverse.

So, don’t give any false hopes, and don’t promise them marriage or a long-term relationship if that is something you can’t give.

Don’t commit above your possibilities, and be honest about your intentions.

16. Essere pronti al fallimento

In sostanza, nessuno di noi intraprenderebbe mai una relazione se avesse la possibilità di sapere quando e come finirà.

Invece, quando ci si innamora, ci si aspetta che la storia d'amore duri per sempre e la fine è l'ultimo dei pensieri.

Even though I don’t want you to sentence your relationship to failure, you also have to be fully aware that something like that is highly likely.

You’re in a sensitive life period, your emotions change at the speed of light, and you’re in the process of becoming the person you should be.

Quindi forse sia voi che il vostro partner non siete ancora pronti per una relazione matura. E dovete essere consapevoli di questo fatto.

Therefore, even if your relationship fails, don’t see it as the end of the world. Instead, observe it as a chance for a fresh start.

17. Trascorrere il tempo godendosi la vita universitaria

Most importantly—please, have fun. Your college experience should be one of the most interesting periods of your life, and whatever you do, please enjoy every day of your college life to the fullest.

Okay, I’m not saying you should engage in risky sexual behavior or drink too much, but don’t be scared of trying new things.

Step out of your comfort zone, and don’t miss out on this precious experience just because you were too focused on one person only because if you do, I assure you that you’ll regret that decision forever.