Se il vostro uomo fa queste 10 cose, è un dipendente dal sesso

I won’t be the one who will tell you that it is wrong to stay with a dipendente dal sesso and try to solve the problems. I also won’t try to open your eyes and show you what you are missing while he is leading you on. I won’t because you already know that—just like I knew it while I was living with a man like that.

I just want to tell you my story so you could see that you are not alone and that no matter how you feel now, things can get better. They have to—if you care, of course.

Ero sposata con un sessuomane e ogni giorno della mia vita con lui mi sentivo come se non fossi abbastanza. Non importava quante cose facessi per compiacerlo, non era mai abbastanza. Cercava costantemente di trovare un altro modo per divertirsi.

Il suo computer era pieno di porno hardcore, siti di incontri e un mucchio di messaggi sconci che scambiava con donne che avevano il suo stesso appetito sessuale. E la cosa peggiore è che io sapevo tutto questo, ma pensavo che fosse solo una fase e che sarebbe cambiato.

Ho pensato che sarebbe cambiato a causa mia e dei nostri figli.

Ma non l'ha mai fatto. Si nutriva guardando porno, flirtando con donne anche davanti a me e masturbandosi ogni volta che aveva tempo. Tutte queste cose lo nutrivano di dopamina e per questo si sentiva meglio. Forse era il suo modo di scrollarsi di dosso lo stress e di superare il fatto che aveva una bassa autostima.

But he couldn’t even make an effort for us.

He did all that just to please himself and he didn’t think of me at any moment. For him, I was just a body he could have when he would get horny. I was there to satisfy his sick needs so he would feel powerful again. And no matter how much I tried, I never could leave him.

All'inizio sono rimasta perché pensavo che non fosse così grave e che sarebbe cambiato, ma lui si è rifiutato di farlo. Diceva che ha bisogno del sesso come dell'aria nei polmoni. E ogni volta che lo diceva, si spezzarmi il cuore because I wasn’t the woman who could satisfy all his needs.

He didn’t care if he was hurting me and breaking my heart.

He wanted me to do things that I don’t want to talk about, but all of them were extremely hurtful to me. Once, I told him that I don’t want to do that.

Mi ha detto che se non ho intenzione di fornirgli ciò di cui ha bisogno, lo troverà in un altro posto. Mi sentivo uno schifo, come se non fossi abbastanza brava e come se non fossi degna.

Poi ho capito che lo scopo dell'amore non è sentirsi uno schifo.

When you are in love, you will do everything to make your partner feel good. You won’t hurt her and ask her to act like a slut just to satisfy your sick needs.

When you are in love you don’t fuck hard, but you make love. Because making love is full of feelings that make you feel special and getting fucked can’t provide you with that.

Vedete, potete fare sesso con chiunque, ma si può fare l'amore solo con la persona amata. E c'è un'enorme differenza.

Too bad that love wasn’t the main priority for my ex.

He just wanted to get laid to feel better. He didn’t choose—he would hit on other girls in front of me while I was sitting in front of him looking at him and asking why he was doing all that to me. And every time I wanted my voice to be heard, he would manipulate me by saying that it was all in my head and that he loves me.

E ancora una volta cadevo nella sua rete di bugie, pensando che stessi esagerando.

So I would keep living my shitty life with a shitty husband who didn’t know how to keep his dick inside his pants. He was a serious sex addict, but he never wanted to admit that. And all my conversations with him about getting help were in vain because he couldn’t and didn’t want to get rid of the most important thing in his life.

Tutti i segni della sua infedeltà urlavano intorno a me, ma in qualche modo mi rifiutavo di vederli. Forse possono aiutarvi a scappare in tempo e a evitare il dolore che ho vissuto io.

1. Stava nascondendo il suo telefono

Ogni volta che volevo prendere il suo telefono per vedere l'ora o altro, saltava dall'altra parte della casa per dirmi la risposta da solo. Era così sensibile al fatto che io toccassi le sue cose personali.

2. Non ha mai effettuato l'accesso a nessuno dei suoi account.

Avevamo un PC condiviso. Tutti i miei account erano gratuiti, ma lui si disconnetteva sempre dai suoi account anche se andava solo in bagno. Posso solo immaginare che tipo di roba sporca avesse lì.

3. He couldn’t explain the lack of money

We were spending more money than usual, but we didn’t have all the things that we needed. And every time I would ask him about money, he would say that we spent it but that we forget where and I shouldn’t make a fuss about that.

4. Si masturbava continuamente

La cosa peggiore è stata fare sesso con lui e pensare di aver dato il 100% di me stessa per compiacerlo e, pur avendo un sorriso beato sul viso, cercare di coccole con lui, avrebbe già iniziato a farsi le canne nel letto accanto a me.

5. Mentiva continuamente

Whenever he would say that he was somewhere, I knew that he was lying to me and that he was probably with another woman in bed. He would come home smelling like booze and cheap women’s perfume, and drunk and smelly like that, he would want to have sex with me.

6. Ha sempre voluto essere il dominatore a letto.

I must admit that he was a really good-looking man, but that wasn’t enough. He always had to be the dominant one in bed because that was turning him on. His sex craziness and even higher sex drive transformed him into a sex addict and he couldn’t even do anything to prevent that.

7. Flirtava con tutti

I couldn’t go to anywhere with him and feel good in my own skin. He would ruin every night out, every date and every friends’ gathering. He was hitting on my best friend while I wasn’t there and basically on every woman who was close to him.

8. Era manipolatore

The worst thing he did to me was that he tried to convince me that I am just overreacting and that it is all in my head. But I wasn’t crazy. I knew what I saw. I knew him better than any person in his life and I could see when he was lying.

9. Mi ha fatto sentire a disagio a letto

Whenever I was in bed with him, it was like I was in a competition. I didn’t get to enjoy myself, but he made me feel like I had to go the extra mile to make him feel good.

Every time we would finish, I would feel like a piece of shit because of his ugly comments—telling me that I should do some things better kept echoing in my head and because of that I lost my self-esteem.

10. Mi trattava sempre con sospetto

He was the one who cheated, the one who couldn’t get rid of his addiction, but he blamed me for everything. Just because he was in his ‘sex world’, he thought that I was cheating on him and that I have many men in my life besides him.

And whatever I would say, he wouldn’t change his mind and kept torturing me by telling me that I was just a slut and that I am not a good example for our kids. He wanted to put all the blame on me and no matter what I would say, I was never right to him.

Queste sono solo alcune delle cose che il mio ex mi ha fatto e il resto è qualcosa che sto cercando di dimenticare. Il suo cattivo comportamento nei miei confronti mi ha lasciato con una bassa autostima, chiedendomi se sono abbastanza brava e se potrò mai attrarre un uomo che mi ami e mi rispetti veramente.

Even though we are not together anymore, he still has an impact on me. Every time I meet a new man, I am trying to find red flags that he might be sex addict as well. And that’s why every new relationship ends sooner than it actually begins.

At times, I think that I should have done something to get away from him before. Yet, that is the easiest thing is to say. In reality, it takes a lot of courage to do—to leave him, especially if you are financially dependent on him.

On the other hand, I didn’t want my kids to go through all that mockery of their dad being represented in that way. I just know that I put up with his crap for a long time, but I finally decided to break free from him and stop living in a hell he made just for me.

Now, after so many years, I have been able to regain my self-esteem and to be the old me again. Now, I can see that the problem was with him and that I didn’t want to see that. In fact, I was defending him for some reason. Maybe it was easier for me to neglect all my problems than to confront them. But I did and that was the best decision of my life.

Adesso sono una donna felice e lui è il stesso pezzo di merda. Credo che alcune cose non cambino mai!