Se vi manca e sapete che non dovreste farlo, leggete qui

Eppure mi manca, continua a vagare in fondo alla mia mente come un ospite non invitato e non riesco a farne a meno. Va bene quando sono sveglia.

It’s easier during the day but when the night comes, when I’m left to the mercy of my own thoughts before I go to sleep, he pops in and there is no way I can scacciarlo.

There is no way to shut my mind down and find that small part of peace without him that I’m craving so badly.

So many times I’ve seen a complete stranger on the street and the color of his shirt reminded me of the color of his eyes.

Il profumo di uno sconosciuto innocente mi riporta ai giorni in cui eravamo felici. Tutto questo mi fa pensare. Tutto questo mi fa desiderare il passato.

I’m occupying my days just to forget him.

I’m doing all things possible just to not remember his face, his smell, his walk or his talk. I’m doing everything just to not miss him because I know I shouldn’t.

I know I shouldn’t but somehow I can’t not.

And it doesn’t make any sense really. I should hate him. I should hate the very thought of him, his presence, his everything.

Eppure, lui è sempre lì, in fondo alla mia mente, in attesa che io abbatta i miei muri e lo faccia entrare nei miei pensieri.

No one really gets it. No one knows how I feel. I just can’t let anyone know. After everything he’s done to me, I have no right to manca a luiSolo un pazzo lo farebbe, eppure lo faccio. Così tengo la bocca chiusa e soffro da solo.

Devo tenerlo per me. Devo stare tranquilla e affrontare il dolore di non averlo più tutto per me.

I know it’s hard now to let go of him. I know that nothing ever goes away overnight but I don’t get just one thing.

The rational part of me keeps yelling to forget about him. It keeps reminding me what horrible things he did to me. It keeps telling me that he never changed, even after so many chances given and that this time it wouldn’t be any different.

But the emotional part of me, the ‘insane’ part, keeps bringing him back. It keeps showing flashes of his smiling face. It keeps provoking empathy and craves him back, although it shouldn’t.

La verità è che ricordo solo le cose belle.

Ricordo come mi faceva ridere così tanto che mi faceva male lo stomaco. Ricordo come si rendeva completamente ridicolo solo per strapparmi un piccolo sorriso.

Ricordo tutte le cose folli che facevamo insieme, quanto eravamo felici senza preoccupazioni al mondo, senza una preoccupazione al mondo.

Pensavamo che l'amore fosse così semplice. C'erano dei problemi e abbiamo scelto di ignorarli. Abbiamo fatto finta di niente, finché non sono tornati e una volta è stato troppo.

Tutte le cose che continuavamo a nascondere, a nascondere, sono tornate e ci hanno colpito in faccia. Non c'è stato modo di riprendersi.

Un giorno lo avevo e il giorno dopo era un perfetto sconosciuto. Non c'era più.

And I can’t force myself to forget him. I can’t stop missing him. And I know I should.

Underneath it all, I know that he doesn’t deserve to be missed. I know that I’m a complete idiot for being stuck in those happy memories we had together. I know that I’m the only one.

Mentre di notte mi rotolo nel mio letto cercando di scacciarlo dai miei pensieri, so che lui dorme perfettamente immobile.

I know that he doesn’t miss me and that he doesn’t think about me.

Then, I’m angry at myself. I’m angry because I’m stuck on him and he let me go a long time ago.

He was the one who called it quits on us. He was the one who didn’t want to fight anymore.

I wanted us to work but he didn’t care enough to try.

I kept giving him the time and space to turn things around but he didn’t see it that way. I guess I was just something casual he ran into along the way and I thought we would last much longer.

Mi sbagliavo.

But you know what I’ve learned?

I’d rather miss him the way I remember him. I’d rather miss the good sides of him.

So, I know it’s for the best because I know that I would be miserable if we had stayed together.

So I’d rather miss him than be with him.