As a working mom, oftentimes I feel torn apart between so many functions and roles. I mean, first work hustle, then when I get home kids need to eat, and get ready for bed, there are dishes, laundry… an endless list of tasks and duties. Do you feel me?
Sometimes I wonder if I have been lured into a trap. Can women really do it all? Should we do it all?
Modern society’s expectations make it all so hard for women. As in the traditional roles we are expected to be wives, moms, housekeepers, and cooks. On top of all that, we should be successful in our careers. I mean, how?
When my sister chose to stick to traditional gender roles in her marriage, I started wondering if she was right.
You know in traditional roles, men are expected to be strong and bring food to the table. Women are expected to be caretakers, nurturers, and provide emotional care.
Some parts of me can’t fully agree with this, but when I look at my sister, I must admit this way gives stability and continuity within the family. It ensures a well-balanced division of labor.
That’s why I understand why my sister and many other women find ease and comfort in traditional roles. There are countless benefits of living according to traditional gender roles, and I’ll share some of them.
1. The roadmap is predictable and there’s no anxiety
Your days are well-structured and predictable. You have a clear map helping you navigate your career decisions and family duties. There’s no anxiety about the unknown, your timeline is predictable and familiar.
For instance, you’ll prioritize your family over career development, and you’ll waste no time thinking if it is a good decision or not.
I, on the other hand, have to balance priorities all the time and I get to overthink a lot.
2. All is simple and there’s no pressure
You’re not expected to do it all. Modern life dynamics that set high expectations for women have no impact on you. You know exactly what you need to do. Hubby takes out the garbage and goes to work, you do the dishes, cooking, and child-rearing.
If you like boundaries and precisely defined expectations you’ll thrive in traditional women’s roles. There’s no ambiguity there, it is all predefined and clear.
You know what’s expected from you, what are your duties and responsibilities. There are no collisions.
3. You’re in a harmonious partnership
Traditional marriages give more satisfaction as both husband and wife have clear expectations so it brings harmony and stability to the relationship. Each one’s contribution is valued and respected.
As we both work, I feel as if it’s not fair that I have to do most of the housework and be more involved in parenting than my hubby. Sometimes I feel like he’s not pulling his weight and equally contributing, and it makes me very angry and produces conflicts.
My sister has no such problems.
4. I’ll do this and you’ll do that
Traditional gender roles mean you’ll get the precise share of family duties. You’re in charge of childcare and cleaning, and your hubby is in charge of bringing food to the table.
As a family, you’re well organized and efficient. You’re a team, everyone has a different responsibility but you are all involved in ensuring your family life runs smoothly.
5. You have fewer conflicts
As it’s all smooth as butter, there are no triggers for fights. You know your duties, he knows his, and you won’t break the line of clear division of duties and expectations.
You don’t have to fight with your hubby over what’s his job and what’s yours. Did I mention the decision-making? It’s duck soup.
6. The structure is familiar as it’s part of your cultural heritage
Cultural norms and societal expectations are making this path familiar to women as it’s been done the same way for generations before. You’re proudly in touch with the lifestyles of your ancestors, and you continue to pass them on to the next generation.
It’s predictable and stable. All is in order. You get a sense of belonging, identity and you get stability and familiarity in relationship structure.
You then pass the practice and continuity to the next generation. That way traditional family values are preserved and respected by your children.
7. You’re an expert in childcare
You thrive in your role and hone your skills in housekeeping and childcare. You know how rewarding it feels when you’re good at your job.
It’s also pragmatic as each member of the family has his or her area of expertise. It brings harmony to the family.
I know I always wished to be such a great cook as my mom was, but I simply don’t have time to work on my cooking skills. My sister, on the other hand, is a great chef.
8. You get a sense of unity and stability
In some societies, this approach will win strong community approval, as communities like this expect women to follow traditional paths.
Besides sharing values and getting a sense of unity with your traditional community, you can expect all the support and assistance you need to be provided by family, neighbors, and friends.
The modern women get no support. Our choice to work and raise the kids, screams we don’t need any help. We agreed to handle it all by ourselves.
9. You’re continuing and honoring ancestral culture
By continuing traditional practices you’ll actually preserve a family culture and be praised for honoring your ancestors.
Some cultures tend to nurture specific roles and pass them on from generation to generation throughout history.
10. You’ll create a supportive union
Your bond with your husband is not only supportive but also based on reciprocity and balance. Your strengths and weaknesses complement him and vice versa.
Traditional roles where men are protectors and providers, and women are nurturers and caretakers are natural and perfect for creating a well-organized and stable family. Everyone plays according to their strengths.
11. The family is your focus
Traditional gender role approaches expect the woman to be in charge of the household and childcare. So it allows them to fully focus on the house and the kids.
My sister finds this useful as she’s present during the formative years of her kids’ lives. My focus is scattered and headed to different sides all at once. Sometimes I feel like I’m not truly involved in present moments.
12. You two are financially efficient
While one is focused on maintaining a household, the other one is the breadwinner. This brings financial harmony to your family and your household becomes economically productive.
When we both choose to work, we must pay a babysitter or childcare to look after the kids. Many people think it’s impossible to have both a career and kids, but trust me it is. You just have to spend extra money and maybe we’re not as financially efficient as a traditional couple.
13. You’re mentoring your offspring to continue the tradition
You get the opportunity to pass your skills, traditional values, and knowledge to your kids so they can continue their lives as their parents. You’ll foster a feeling of community and continuity in them.
However, all this seems nice but surely there are some downsides to living according to traditional gender roles. You should be aware that this lifestyle forces people into small boxes and pressures them to follow expectations of how women and men should behave.
For someone, it can be deeply frustrating. Also, traditional gender roles prevent women from pursuing their own interests and aspirations, and behaving authentically, so it can lead to feelings of resentment.
So woman, make sure you think through before you decide to embrace traditional values and practices. It can be very fulfilling but it’s not suitable for everyone.